It’s so quiet in my house right now. It’s 6 a.m. and none of my kids have woken up yet…miraculous really. Isn’t it weird how in the very few moments that I get any given week with complete quiet, what I usually end up thinking about are the sounds that are usually there? Laughter of my kids, made up songs of a baby, squabbles that I’ve really (mostly) learned to tune out, kids asking for food, and more food, and more food. But more than any other time, it is in these few moments of quiet that I am reminded what a blessing all that racket is. What a blessing.
The girls’ biological baby sister came into care three weeks ago. We knew they had a baby sister – Mom was pregnant at the termination hearing.
Of course they called us immediately. “She’s not in an adoptive home, if (when) parental rights are terminated, would you be interested in taking her?”
Basically everyone we talk to tends to act like it’s a no brainer either way. Either, “Well, of course you said yes!” or “Ha, well, you told them they’re crazy, right?”
Before I go on, yes, I realize we have five children. Yes, I realize their ages. Yes, I realize people already think we’re crazy. Yes, I realize that in the world’s economy, it makes no sense to say yes. Yes, I realize it would be like having two sets of twins (she’s currently 11 months old). Yes, I realize, “6 GIRLS? …You just wait…”.
But what else I realize is…She is our daughters’ biological sister.
I have difficulty feeling like I can really explain the gravity of this to anyone I talk to about it.
It’s not like we’ve gone out pursuing fostering another baby.
But this is a baby that I have prayed for since I knew she was conceived. This is a baby I have worried about since I knew she was born.
Study after study, story after story shows the importance of biological siblings being together. Of how significant it is for adoptees to be with their siblings.
I know, I know – they won’t know about each other. I’ve heard that so many times, and really it makes my stomach turn inside out. So if you hadn’t ever known about your sibling, it would be ok that you had never met them? That you had never shared a bedroom? Sung happy birthday to each other every year? Explored the backyard creek? Waved out the car window when you drop the oldest off at college? Fought in the back of the car on long road trips? Confessed to each other your first crush?
They’d never know what they were missing, right?
Except someday they would. Someday they would know they have a sister out there who was in foster care. A sister we had the opportunity to adopt. A sister that instead they’ll never know.
Study after study, story after story shows the importance of biological siblings being together.
Of course I realize how difficulty it would be. We’ve done this before. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t had a few nights where I couldn’t fall asleep because I can’t stop thinking about…how would this work?
I’m just writing out my thought processes. I completely understand why people would think we were crazy for saying yes.
I guess I’m just trying to give a glimpse into the magnitude of the situation. It is so much harder than yes or no.
Do we say no just because it would be hard?
People said all the same things to us when we took Tootaw while I was pregnant with Vi. It will be so hard. Can you keep them all safe? How will you go to the grocery story? Are you crazy?
And now look. Look at our family. Look at these five sisters. Look at the beautiful, crazy, full life that we have.
We’ve not officially made a decision yet. I bet she’s beautiful. I wonder if she looks like Bella, or if she looks like Tootaw. I wonder what her name is (I haven’t asked). I wonder about the homes she’s in now, if their equipped to help her in the challenges she’s sure to face.
What I know is that God is going to provide for the family he gives us. Like he has for six years of fostering. Like he did when Bella came. Like he did when Tootaw came. Like he did when we became a family of two and three and four and five and six and seven.
So. I guess we’ll see. Prayers appreciated.