tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post9139702975212938340..comments2023-07-08T04:53:00.879-05:00Comments on Popp Life: As Clear as Mud.Maggiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06860950875210789260noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-29839355460336301712010-06-25T11:29:20.729-05:002010-06-25T11:29:20.729-05:00Eveyone else above left good comments - and I'...Eveyone else above left good comments - and I'd recommend Heather Forbes book too. I will be praying for all of you!Rachie317https://www.blogger.com/profile/14646338773104987972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-12506910810269334692010-06-23T12:55:26.330-05:002010-06-23T12:55:26.330-05:00Thanks all for your suggestions!
We have made it v...Thanks all for your suggestions!<br />We have made it very clear to Jae that threats are not ok. He is disciplined for making threats. <br />The problem though, is that the actual threats are not the issue. (Kind of like Jen said) If we harshly discipline it, I am sure it will end the threats, but harsh discipline will not change his heart, which is where the danger lies. Does that make sense?<br />J - Thanks for the advice! I will definitely look into the book. I've considered not reacting at all to the threats, and I'm sure that is what I would do if they weren't against another person. If it was my house, my belongings, even me, then I would test to see if he was going to follow through. But I can't do that when the threat is toward another child, on the off chance that he would follow through. The risks are too high.Maggiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06860950875210789260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-28777713934121094952010-06-23T06:57:06.087-05:002010-06-23T06:57:06.087-05:00ok, there are a few things I have to suggest
- hav...ok, there are a few things I have to suggest<br />- have you read Beyond Consequences by Heather Forbes, if not I would really suggest that you do, it made me look at my children in a whole different way. <br />- I doubt he is going to follow thorugh on the threats, he ahs learned some where along the the line that it works and that it gets a reaction, if you stop reacting he will stop threatening, giving him a consquence is reacting and he will continue. Clavin used to threatedn to hurt me he also used to threatedn to do other things like hurt the animals or burn down the house. The day that he said he would burn the house down I offered to get him some matches as soon as I was done what I was doing, he just stared at me and then I talked about how I would happily let him burn down the house as soon as we got all the people out and they were safe, nothing else mattered becasue it was just stuff but people could not be replaced. He was speechless, we have similar conversations whenever he threatedns anything at all and I must say there are a lot less threats now and when he does make them you can see that he regrets it, it is a old pattern and sometimes he falls back to it but quickly tries to fix it. <br />Good Luckstellarparenting.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04975942737904876508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-55273362160308624282010-06-22T22:18:53.671-05:002010-06-22T22:18:53.671-05:00Oh, I'm sorry it's come to this, but I und...Oh, I'm sorry it's come to this, but I understand. As we continue to sit with an empty spot that could be filled by a foster child, I know it's because our criteria is so selective. But I just can't change it, the safety of my children come first. That is the first responsibility - it has to be. You are Silvie's protector, what the boys did not have. Don't be ashamed for acting in that role. <br /><br />That said - I think he's pushing this button because it gets a reaction. That's what they do, escalate and change tactics until they find one that works. Obviously this threat with Silvie effects you, which is what he wants. I don't necessarily think it's about Silvie - it's about how much he hurts, he wants you to understand how much he hurts by hurting you. The anger is a cover for the real feelings.(That last sentence is an almost direct quote from Christine at welcometomybrain.net)<br /><br />God will help you make the right decision.jendoophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01010044127553834584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-38387442014800894552010-06-22T21:26:17.492-05:002010-06-22T21:26:17.492-05:00Oh, Maggie...I am so sorry. SO sorry. I have abs...Oh, Maggie...I am so sorry. SO sorry. I have absolutely no advice...just a promise that I will be on my knees for your family (all of you) all week. ALL WEEK.<br /><br />((HUGS))Lindsay@Not2Ushttp://www.not2us.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-37879961326172222912010-06-22T17:18:08.999-05:002010-06-22T17:18:08.999-05:00Your family will be in my prayers. This is not an ...Your family will be in my prayers. This is not an easy road and I know the boys have benefited so much from the time they have spent with you. I hope this break gives you some clarity and you can feel peaceful with whatever you decide to do.Maurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926897555513324016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-5908015778704156522010-06-22T16:20:29.773-05:002010-06-22T16:20:29.773-05:00Amy has it right. And I am sure you do too. But he...Amy has it right. And I am sure you do too. But he needs VERY SEVERE consequences for this. Not the same when he threatens you, but so that he knows that a line was crossed - not the ones he crosses everyday - but one that CANNOT and WILL NOT be tolerated. It sounds harsh, but he will learn. <br />I don't think you have to say "don't threaten or you will have to leave..." But I think it would be in to all of your benifits just to be honest. I would be very frank with him. I would sit him down an tell him what you told us... God has given you this baby to keep safe, to hold, and to nurture. And you cannot allow people in the house if they threaten that safety. I know that's hard though. <br /><br />Best of luck.~Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00431200698735865679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-71411189565154697542010-06-22T15:00:29.776-05:002010-06-22T15:00:29.776-05:00I suppose this is quite obvious but...have you mad...I suppose this is quite obvious but...have you made it clear to him that threats to the baby will NOT be tolerated (and that consequences will be severe)? And have you developed more serious consequences than just time out for such threats - like losing all his stickers, or taking away some priveledge he really values..<br /><br />It would be sad to see them go, but this behavior really isn't ok, and you can't really say "don't threaten the baby or you'll have to leave"..Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11837184469506380501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-48844349361169112642010-06-22T14:25:12.594-05:002010-06-22T14:25:12.594-05:00Oh Maggie Popp! I feel for you. You mentioned a th...Oh Maggie Popp! I feel for you. You mentioned a therapist... is there any chance he could get more help? And, do you feel he's old enough to hear how that makes you guys feel? That you can tell him how much you want him and you want to help him feel better and that you're scared his threats may cause disruption of your family. Perhaps that would give him too much power. <br /><br />I certianly don't have any answers, but will being praying for all of you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1688916779717257492.post-59991041338411384192010-06-22T14:25:10.113-05:002010-06-22T14:25:10.113-05:00Oh Maggie Popp! I feel for you. You mentioned a th...Oh Maggie Popp! I feel for you. You mentioned a therapist... is there any chance he could get more help? And, do you feel he's old enough to hear how that makes you guys feel? That you can tell him how much you want him and you want to help him feel better and that you're scared his threats may cause disruption of your family. Perhaps that would give him too much power. <br /><br />I certianly don't have any answers, but will being praying for all of you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com