Popp Life

over sharing.

2012-02-01T12:57:00.001-06:00

I’ve had lots I’ve wanted to post.

But when you kids come back to you from Mom and Dad’s bearing little gifts like

THIS

…you get a little preoccupied.

This is the second little gift that we’ve gotten from Ms. Bella (this is definitely the better of the two.). Lice are not a huge deal, but are definitely enough to rain on a otherwise happy go lucky day.

So we’ve been treating, and picking, and washing, and washing, and washing….

and washing.

lots of laundry. did I mention that?

Luckily I’m a natural picker. I’ve probably mentioned that before. I actually don’t mind when my kids get cradle cap, because like I said, I’m a picker. So we’ve been doing a lot of nit-picking.

The kicker is, she got it at home on her last visit. They all sleep in the same bed. She is going back home for another visit in approximately 30 minutes, where, in all likelihood, she will just pick it up again and bring it back. Then we’ll treat it, and three days later she’ll go back.

Well. You get the idea.

We’re trying to get her visit extended so that they can just completely get rid of it at their house so we aren’t swapping parasites back and forth. I love Bella and all, but I don’t need her parasites.

Good news? No sign of it on Sylvie, Naomi, or Brian and I. So far so good.

Excuse me, I just heard the dryer stop. Time for another load.

A listening heart.

2012-01-19T15:21:00.001-06:00

As parents, we really try our best not to parent behaviors, but to parent hearts. No matter the background of a child, their behaviors spill out of their little hearts that are broken, trying to navigate through this life. Life in a world that is as broken as their hearts, broken but not beyond repair. Broken in selfishness, broken in greed, broken in anger. The first signs that this is not our home, this is not where we belong.

When our kids are struggling to share, or to be kind, or to be loving, we talk to them about what their hearts are saying.

A selfish heart says ‘mine, mine, mine’ but a generous heart says ‘here, you have a turn.’ You get the idea.

At night we pray with them before bed – we pray about how our day went, give thanks for our blessings, and pray for our friends.

The last couple days have been hard. Pull-my-hair out frustrating. Behaviors from the back and forth of visits are in hyperdrive.

As I started to pray with Bella last night, I didn’t even know where to start, what to say. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. So I just started out really honest.

“God, some days we have a lot of trouble listening. We just don’t have listening hearts.”

As the words came out of my mouth, mostly intended for the kind of day that Bella had just had, my prayer hit my heart.

I had a lot of trouble listening. I didn’t have a listening heart.

All I could hear all day was our struggles, when God was speaking to me something completely different.

This tantrum, this is your opportunity to love her. Go. Love her. Do it well.

Your little two year old that is so stubbornly (frustratingly) strong willed? She will do great things someday because she doesn’t. give. up.

The mess that you see when you look at your house? There is beauty in it. It is the sign of a day full of life. It is the beauty of having my children under your roof.

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times (he chuckles), slow. down.

But I didn’t hear these things in the moment, because I was focused on how my children just weren’t listening.

The irony.

Some days I think God just shakes his head at me. Out of love, of course.

For all the times I pray that my children would have listening hearts, I pray the same for myself.

9 Months.

2012-01-18T15:25:00.001-06:00

I love this age. We see more of your personality every day. It’s like every day you are on a mission to show me you are your own person with your own quirks and loves and needs. I am loving getting to know you.

I think I see, emerging out of you, a heart that is tender and so willing to make someone else’s day. At just the right moments you look at me and smile your big, open mouth smile, as if to say – Mama, I know we drive you crazy sometimes, but I am so worth it! You love to snuggle, and even though you are a very busy girl, you always have time to give me a little baby love. You get so excited when your Daddy or I pick you up, and as soon as you get in our arms you squeeze us as tight as your little arms will let you. The best kind of hug, I’m very sure.

You are crawling all over the place, and very quickly. Sometimes you try to chase your sisters around, and they play along. It’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. Hands down. You pull up on anything that seems even vaguely sturdy enough, and you’ve started cruising around a bit too.

You’ve learned to climb the stairs. Without my permission, I might add. I didn’t know you had conquered this little trick, so I put you downstairs with some toys while I was helping your sisters brush their teeth upstairs. I walked around the corner to come check on you, and there you were at the top of the stairs.

It’s not nice to give your Mommy heart palpitations like that.

You’re still sleeping with us. Still. I know for the last two months I’ve said we were going to transition you to your crib – but, well, maybe this month. You don’t make it easy. Last night we took you to bed with us, and for thirty minutes you laughed at absolutely anything we did. It was absolutely the best part of my day. So who wants to put you in a crib with fun like that??

You’ve decided ‘to heck’ with that baby food stuff. You’re slowly munching on more solid foods – but mostly your still nursing. You got your first tooth this month, which turned into your first four teeth. Two on top, and (barely) two on bottom.

You’re still teeny tiny. Like your mama through and through. I love your itty bitty-ness. You’ve got drama down pat. Essentially if Sylvia comes near you, and I’m not holding you, you start throwing a fit. I have to say, that is some intelligent drama. You’re only trying to survive, I know.

You are very intensely focused on discovering every little thing you can, and you study things like you are going to be given a test on the inner workings of every toy we own. You are soaking things up, learning, and exploring every moment.

You are an absolute joy. You have a huge grin on your face almost constantly. We are so blessed by your presence. I love you more and more and more. I am so happy to call you my little baby (even though soon you won’t be so little.) – what a blessing you are.

Love you, Love you, Love you,

Mama

Behavior Modification.

2012-01-17T13:35:00.001-06:00

We started some short term in-home therapy with Bella today. I requested it because the transitions back and forth from 3-4 days with Mom and Dad to 3-4 days with us has seriously been kicking her four year old butt – along with ours in the process. So mostly I wanted a therapist who could come in and decompress with her – someone, besides us, who can talk to her about everything that is going on.

So her therapist came. She is very nice, very to the point, and easy to talk to. I’m just not sure that our mindsets and parenting theories are necessarily in sync. We talked about what we’ve been seeing in between visits, the ridiculousness that is bed time, and we went over background info.

Essentially what I heard was this:

Stop worrying so much over the emotional impact of the way you parent her.
Her behaviors are primarily attention seeking.
You are not being strict enough.

I told her that at bedtime, sometimes we go on two hours of her crying for her Mommy, needing her back rubbed, talking through what her parents are probably doing, and talking about how much longer it is until her next visit. I told her this in an effort to explain the deep emotional impact that the transitions back and forth are having on her.

I was told that this bedtime routine is simply her trying to get attention, and that she’s figured out that if she cries that I will stay in there (some nights, this is true, I will admit that.). I need to do our bedtime routine, leave, ignore her cries, and in three days it will stop.

A.K.A. : Behavior Modification.

But seriously, she’s four. She’s away from her family. She is going back and forth between completely different environments, expectations, and structures. What I hear from that advice is : Ignore that she is hurting in ways she doesn’t understand, and then she’ll stop telling you.

This is not a solution.

I honestly don’t think it’s possible for a four year old to go through that, and then have behaviors that are not derived from the pain of their circumstance. Sure, some of her behaviors are attention seeking : because she needs attention.

What happened to fulfilling the cycle of need?

I know there are probably a lot of people this therapist sees that just want the behaviors to stop. Sometimes, in the thick of it, that’s what I want too.

But really what I want is to know how I can best love her and support her emotionally through the behaviors.

I guess I’m just disappointed. I’ve tried really hard to develop our parenting practices in therapeutic ways, and it makes me bristle to hear advice from a therapist that does not take into account the hurt that her little heart is carrying.

I also know that therapeutic parenting is often in pretty strong discord with many accepted parenting techniques. But I’m not here to get pats on the back for turning my traumatized children’s behavior around over night – I’m here to comfort the hurt that causes it.

So where do we go when our therapists are telling us that we should just treat the behaviors as if these children have had everything they ever needed and more? I don’t know, but I do know that I can’t wait to get to This Conference.

Because there is a reason that foster and adoptive parents struggle with behaviors more than other parents, and it’s not because we’re all incapable of being consistent.

(P.S. If you need book or video resources on therapeutic parenting and you’re at a loss, please e-mail me – I am happy to send you some! It will make you feel less crazy, and help you understand where all this behavior is coming from!)

Special.

2012-01-16T15:45:00.001-06:00

We had Community Missions Sunday at my church yesterday, which involved having booths from local ministries set up so that people can learn how to volunteer and get involved.

For the second year we set up a booth for the agency that we license through in hopes of encouraging others in our church to think about fostering and adopting.

For the second year in a row, I heard so many of the same comments when people stopped at our booth.

“Oh, I could never do that.”

“I just couldn’t say goodbye when they left.”

“Oh, that takes a very special kind of person. Not me.”

At risk of going on a rant, can I just say something?

I am not special.

If you had always known me, I can tell you that you would not have picked me out and said, “Now her, she’d make a great foster parent.” I am not the kind of person who is just magic with kids. I’m not that pre-school teacher that you know that can walk into a room of four year olds and have them all happy and chanting how much they love me. That’s. Not. Me.

I can also tell you that I screw up on a regular basis. I have to ask my kids’ forgiveness daily. I read as much as I can on therapeutic parenting, and then in the moment I am oh-so-not therapeutic. I am broken. So broken.

If it took a particularly special kind of person to do this, I think there would be even fewer foster parents than there are. I know lots of foster and adoptive parents, and lets just be honest, I don’t think that any of us are particularly…special.

I was shown a need. I was given an opportunity. And I said yes.

I don’t say that to toot my own horn. Goodness knows that the only thing that gets me through most of this life we call fostering is prayer and knowing that God is redeeming all things.

In her book Kisses from Katie, Katie Davis writes:

Ordinary people.

He chose Moses. He chose David. He chose Peter and Paul. He chose me. He chose you. Common people. Simply people. People with nothing special about them. Nothing special except they said yes. They obeyed. They took the task God assigned them and they did it. They didn’t always do it well, but they said yes, and with His help they did it anyway.

Extraordinary tasks.

Moses was a murderer, a shepherd just trying to mind his own business and move on with his life when he watched a bush catch fire and not burn up. God wanted to use him to lead His chosen people out of Egypt. Moses was human and told God that he had the wrong guy. Moses wasn’t an eloquent speaker, and he was afraid. But he said yes, and god used him anyway. The Red Sea parted, bread fell from Heaven, and people believed.

…

David was a shepherd boy, pretty much the runt of the litter, the very last thought in his father's mind, and despised by his brothers. God wanted to use him to be the next great kind of Israel. Though everyone doubted and watched in horror, David said yes, and God use him anyway. Little David used a stone to take down the giant Philistine. The Philistines were defeated, and though David continued to make mistakes, God used Him to make Israel a great national and relay His words to many people.

…

Sometimes, the everyday routine of my life feels so normal to me. At other times, the idea of raising all these children seems like quite a daunting task. I realize that since I have chosen an unusual path it is easier for outsiders to look at my life and come to the conclusion that it is something extraordinary. That I am courageous. That I am strong. That I am special. But I am just a plain girl from Tennessee. Broken in many ways, sinful, and inadequate. Common and simple with nothing special about me. Nothing special except I choose to say “yes.” “Yes” to the things God asks of me and “yes to the people he Places in front of me. You can too. I am just an ordinary person. An ordinary person serving an extraordinary God.

I know that one of the first responses I will see to this is, “Well, God doesn’t call us all to foster.” And I agree. That is true. But He is very clear in the Bible that we are to care for the least of these, that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, that we are to care for the orphan. (And, for an entirely different post – I don’t think we were necessarily called specifically to foster. Sometimes you just have to do something.)

I do think that he has called many more of us to foster than are actually fostering, otherwise I don’t think there would be children waiting for homes, living in shelters, and staying in foster homes that do not have their best interest at heart.

So. There is my very long response to the people who say they could never do it, that they aren’t specifically called, or that it takes a special person.

I am not special. And you don’t have to be.

Adoption Tax Credit.

2012-01-10T08:36:00.001-06:00

Reposted from Foster Care, Our Love Story.

There is a tax credit available for people who adopt. It is intended to offset the cost of traditional adoption and provide incentive for perspective parents to adopt special needs children from Foster Care.
When adopting from foster care, almost all of our kids qualify as "special needs". Some of the qualifications for that are sibling groups, minority children, a child that has been in care over 1yr, or children with medical or developmental disabilities. If you adopt a special needs child, you are eligible for the entire adoption tax credit.
In years past, this credit could be used against your income tax. So you would get a bigger return, but the benefit was linked to your income and how much you pay in taxes. So for Middle class families, it could take years before you saw the full benefit of the tax credit. If you were a Grandma on Social Security who adopted 3 of your Grandbabies, you would never see this money because you don't owe taxes.
In 2010, however, President Obama signed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act which had some small print that made this Adoption Tax Credit a refund. This means that for every child adopted from foster care through 2011, their adoptive parents would a receive a $13,170 check regardless of their income or taxes owed. This was great news for people who got to adopt in these past 2 yrs. Granny gets the money she needs to move to a bigger apartment or start college fund for her kids.
Unfortunately, this refundable credit went away on December 31, 2011.
The plan for people adopting in 2012 is that you can get credit up to $12,170 for each adoption against your income tax. However, the remaining amount can not be used in following years. You'll get a bigger tax return for this year, but not the check for the credit amount and there is no benefit beyond 2012.
In 2013, the Adoption Tax Credit goes away all together.
There is a petition going around to try to get the Tax Credit extended. I signed it, and I hope you will too. The financial incentive shouldn't be the reason people adopt, but hopefully it helps keep siblings together or keep higher needs kids in stable homes.
Click here to sign the Adoption Tax Credit Petition
This is a form letter you can send to your State representative

Why Foster?

2012-01-08T12:20:00.001-06:00

Reason #783:

Because over time, I have only become increasingly convinced that if we

(the Popps.) can do it, anyone can do it.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

5 years.

2012-01-06T14:51:00.001-06:00

Five years ago right now I was at the church, putting on my dress, surrounded by my family and friends who would coach me down the aisle to marry my best friend. (Only gently aided by half of a muscle relaxer on loan from my dad.)

Five years sounds impossible – both too short and too long.

We tend to pack a lot of life into our years. We’re good at that. And that’s the way we like it – after all, we’re not going to run short on life to fill our years and so we might as well pack it in. I think we average at least twice as much change, transition, and excitement as the typical couple – but if you know either of us, this makes sense. We are absolutely live to the fullest, why not try it, hit the ground running kind of people.

And I love it, this life we’ve built.

For our fifth anniversary, Brian surprised me by taking me to the church that we were married in. Not ten minutes later, my mom showed up with Sylvia and Naomi (Bella was on a visit), and a photographer.

My, how life has changed in five years.

Our first five years has been full of ups, and very few downs. Thank you Lord for this life you have given us. Here’s to another fifty just as full of life as these five. Love you, Bri.

(Photos thanks to John Gaugahn Photography.)

Maturational Loss.

2012-01-05T15:49:00.001-06:00

In MAPP class we take time to talk about maturational vs. situational losses. It's the difference between losses that are expected, and generally have gains that accompany them, and unexpected losses that don't have much of a silver lining.

Moving away from home: Maturational loss. It's expected. You lose living with your family and the immediate support of them being there (and probably someone cooking meals for you.), BUT you gain independence and responsibility.

Family member dying in car crash: Situational loss. It's unexpected, and there isn't any gain that goes along with the loss.

So. In theory, a child going back home from foster care is a maturational loss (for the child and the foster parent.). This always trips up my MAPP classes. But it's (hopefully. ideally.) planned for, prepared for, and is a planned out transition. (I said ideally.) There are losses involved - foster parents, foster siblings, new friends, school, etc. - but there are also obvious gains - being back with their bio family, reuniting with old friends, etc.

A maturational loss, it is.

But, to me as a foster parent, it doesn't always feel that way.

I know that Bella is going home. I know that we are in the midst of a rather long, and planned out transition. I know that it is a good thing, and that there will be gains that accompany the losses.

But it still catches me off guard.

I spent a long time packing Bella for her Christmas trip. I wanted to make sure she had everything she could possibly need, and probably several things she won't. I wanted to help her feel safe in the transition. All that packing was a good mental prep for me too - reminding myself that she won't be here for Christmas, and that it is a good thing.

But as we packed her things into the transporter's car, it didn't feel so maturational. I wanted her to stay. I wanted to watch her Christmas morning. I wanted her to be there for our very last night of advent as the anticipation rises in our hearts and the kids go to sleep longing for the sun to rise.

She spent Christmas where she should be. Outside of the hurt from watching her transition out of our lives, it is where I want her to be. I'm so glad her mom and dad got to watch the excitement in her eyes that morning. She is building memories and traditions with them that she will have forever.

But this does not feel maturational.

Caseplan.

2012-01-03T19:20:00.001-06:00

Bella's case plan meeting was two and a half weeks ago - I just suck at getting updates posted in any timely manner.

I think it has something to do with the children who have, in the last 24 hours, squeezed all of my lotion out onto the floor and practically bathed in it, covered the kitchen floor in thousands of tiny pieces of paper bag confetti, and opened every card game that we own and mixed all of the cards together into one big mixed up pile - all in the name of having fun.

The case plan meeting went very well.

Dad is still very motivated and doing everything he is asked. Mom (more recently) has really gotten on board and is seeming much more excited to get the girls home.

The plan is to officially, 100% transition Bella home at the very beginning of March. Her next court date is March 1, and they will move her in the days following. Between now and then, they will continue to do weekend visits and possibly start extending them into the week.

They've done a very thorough job at planning this transition. They have slowly increased visits, and will continue to do so, while monitoring how things are going. They have put family therapy in place that will help the family with nutrition and family interaction. And after Bella transitions home, they will continue to monitor how everything is going in the home for three months. I have to say, I am impressed. This is the best we've seen the system work thus far.

It is also helpful that we have had the opportunity to develop a good relationship with Bella's parents. I see them at every doctor's appointment, which is very frequent. They also call every night to talk to Bella, which keeps communication open between us. Bella's Dad has always been very excited to tell us about his progress, and we've been happy to provide support and encouragement along the way.

The only thing that concerns me is the emotional toll it is taking on Bella to go back and forth between our house and her parent's house. Every weekend she goes there for 2-3 days (soon to be more) and then has to leave again and come back to our house. It has been extraordinarily difficult for her to process.

In her attempt to process the back and forth, trauma related behaviors have snuck up and attacked. Huge, long, irrational tantrums are our norm these days. We've also seen a lot more defiance and disrespect. We've also seen a handful of behaviors tossed in that, "I get to do at my Mom and Dad's house." Pleasant things like spitting at us when she gets an unfavorable answer. It breaks my heart to see all of it. It isn't her, it's her pain. She's like a completely different child.

I'm just concerned because she will continue to be put through the proverbial wringer for another two months before she can finally find a resting place and consistency. I'm not sure there is a better answer though.

Anyway, we are officially transitioning her home.

Tradition.

2012-01-02T15:42:00.001-06:00

In my pretend life, that I play out in my imagination when the kids are driving me up.the.wall., I would smoothly and seamlessly concoct a Christmas full of at least 10 or 12 wonderful traditions that my children could look back on with a warm glow in their hearts and nostalgia for their childhoods.

(cue record ssccrraattcchh).

In reality our house is neither coordinated or calm enough to get through much of any planned activities or traditions.

I do what I can.

Brian is the baker in our family (and he's very good at it.). He loves making Christmas cookies and candies, so I leave all that to him and the kids. Over the last couple weeks they've made all kinds of goodies, and the girls have loved it.

Don’t ask me why the girls had their shirts off to make cookies. Your guess is as good as mine.

We've also done a daily advent study with the kids this year. We went with Truth in the Tinsel, and we've really liked it. At the beginning of advent we made a chain with 25 links that each had a clue on them about the day's advent topic. Each night we read about a different aspect of the birth of Christ, and there were instructions for making an ornament for each day that went with the topic.

The girls loved taking turns taking a link of the chain each night - and most nights we even made it through the story. (Ok, maybe not most nights.) Their favorite part, though, was definitely making the ornaments.

I think the girls could probably share a pretty good version of the Christmas story now. (Notice I didn't say accurate.) Although, Sylvia spent most of advent fixated on the fact that Mary breastfed the baby Jesus. She thinks this part of the story is very cool.

The Friday that Bella left for her Christmas visit she was feeling very conflicted about leaving. About an hour before she left, she came up and asked me if we could do advent early that day so that she wouldn't miss it. Of course we did. I love that she asked.

I love our family Christmas. Mostly because I love our family.

Christmas 2011.

2012-01-01T08:42:00.000-06:00

Love, love, love spending Christmas with family. And even with the stomach bug and the flu going through the house, it was a wonderful week. (Just hoping we're not taking the flu back with us to share with Bella.) Because of the stomach bug getting Brian and I on consecutive days, we only got to spend one day at his parent's house, which was a big bummer. I think they appreciated us not sharing the pukes though.

This year, Brian and I did Christmas as homemade as we possibly could. With the exception of two presents, all of them were made by either me or Brian. It took a long time, but we were more excited to share our presents this year than any other. They were all personal and took lots of time, love, and effort.

Our homemade Christmas was also partly inspired by participating in the Advent Conspiracy. It was helpful in not just deciding what Christmas shouldn't be, but what it should be.

As our family grows, we are keenly aware that we are teaching and creating what Christmas will really mean to our kids, and we definitely want to avoid, as much as we can, the consumerist score-as-much-loot-as-you-can Christmas attitude that is so pervasive. Apart from the fabric store, we didn't set foot in a store for our Christmas gifts this year, and I think that alone will make for a different kind of Christmas growing up. We had time to focus on waiting expectantly to celebrate the coming of our Savior. We are so thankful.
Even at one gift per person and drawing names, our Christmas gifts added up. Gifts of time and meaning.

My long lost family from Seattle. So good to have them visiting.

Helping Nana make dinner.

I'm on the nice list. Trust me.

Naomi is clearly having fun. No, really, this is just the beginning of the drama at our house. She is crying only because Sylvia was getting close to her.

Excited to be with my Papa!

This is the part of Christmas where Brian loses his wedding ring and has to rent a metal detector to find it. More on that later.

It was a wonderful Christmas. So thankful for family. So thankful for Jesus.

Empowered to Connect.

2011-12-20T14:36:00.001-06:00

As we are having a really, very terribly trauma induced day, it reminded me that I wanted to post about a conference that Brian and I are headed to in February.

I have said this around 50 times before (my husband accuses me of exaggerating. I say, I’m just really getting my point across.) but if you foster or have adopted I sincerely recommend the book The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis. It is so easy to read, gives some really helpful, applicable ideas, and gives a well rounded idea of why in the world your child is acting that way.

You know what way I’m talking about. The way that makes you think, am I just really losing my mind as a parent? What in the world am I doing wrong? How is it even possible for me to address this without escalating this out of this world???

It’s my go to book because I can read it without feeling like I need a medical dictionary and the DSM V on hand.

Anyway.

Karen Purvis and a couple (Amy and Michael Monroe) from Irving Bible Church teamed up and wrote a Bible study that goes along with The Connected Child called Created To Connect. This is also very helpful. It breaks down the info even more, and connects it to the worldview of a follower of Christ.

So.

This is all a part of an organization called Empowered to Connect. (Confused yet?) It is led by Karyn Purvis and Amy and Michael Monroe and is full of great resources for those parenting kids from hard places.

Empowered to Connect is having a conference in February at Irving Bible Church, co-sponsored by Show Hope (Stephen Curtis Chapman’s adoption foundation). Here’s the description:

Empowered To Connect, together with Show Hope, hosts the Empowered To Connect Conference — a two-day conference designed to help adoptive and foster parents, ministry leaders and professionals better understand how to connect with “children from hard places” in order to help them heal and become all that God desires for them to be.

The conference features Dr. Karyn Purvis together with Michael & Amy Monroe, and is ideal for adoptive and foster parents, those considering adoption or foster care and those who are serving and supporting others, including social workers, agency professionals, church staff and ministry leaders, counselors, therapists and others involved in adoption and foster care.

The next Empowered To Connect Conference will be on February 17-18, 2012, in Dallas, Texas at Irving Bible Church. Registration for the Dallas conference is now open! Visit www.etcconference.org for more details and to register online.

So, just wanted to put that out there. We’re driving a long way to get there, but we are so looking forward to being poured into. To be educated and supported in working with these kids. I’m feeling so drained today from the behaviors, and I cannot wait!

8 Months.

2011-12-19T18:44:00.001-06:00

I think this is the first month that you have stopped looking like an infant and have started to look more babyish. Subconsciously, until now, I have been able to keep telling myself that you are only four or five months old – because you still looked it. But now I have to face the music.

You are growing up.

(Your sister rocking her baby while Daddy rocks you.)

This month is also the first time that you and your sister have been able to interact more. I love seeing you two make each other laugh and love on each other. (Not so much when your sis is not so very loving.) It is a glimpse of a beautiful relationship that I will get to watch grow. I can already tell you two will get into all kinds of things together. It will be ridiculously cute though. She loves you. Even on her crabbiest mornings, (she wakes up like your Daddy.) when she sees you, she lights up and says good morning.

You are crawling all over and you like to be right in the middle of the action. If your sisters are running circles in the kitchen, you prefer to be in the middle of their sloppy circles, inches from losing one of your itty bitty fingers. You are pulling up on things now, too, but you aren’t sure how to get back down once you get up. You get very frustrated and look at me to come rescue you. Gladly.

(You and Mayah. If you two are anything like your older sisters, you’ll be good friends.)

You just decided today that you would really try baby food for the first time. I’ve been trying it out for a few weeks, but you completely hated it until tonight. Sweet potatoes were a winner. It’s kind of ridiculous how excited I was that you were actually eating instead of puking it back up on me. But it was mixed with a twinge of sadness, knowing that if you start eating food, you’ll start nursing less and less.

You still sleep with us full time. Your dad and I keep saying we’re going to start putting you in the crib at the beginning of the night, but we just can’t do it just yet. This month. Maybe.

You aren’t really making any new sounds, but you are sure as heck loud. Nana says you sound just like I did. Turns out you’re a lot like me so far.

I want you to know that you love Bella. And she loves you too. I know you won’t remember her, but she really looks out for you. I think you’ll always have a big sister in her.

I love you more than you know, sweet baby. I pray for you, and worry for you, and am thankful for you all the time.

love you, love you, love you,

Mama.

Sisters. Part one.

2011-12-12T15:33:00.001-06:00

I frequently get e-mails and questions about fostering from people who are either considering fostering, or are in the midst of licensing. Of all the questions that I get, there is an overwhelming majority that are on one topic: my forever children.

In the interest of those who question, ‘But what about my kids?’ I thought I would try to document a little bit of what Bella’s transition home is like, for her, and for Sylvia.

--Before I begin, lest it seem I am void of emotion, merely observing how all this goes down with my two year old, let me say that this is absolutely the most difficult aspect of fostering for me. Before we had kids, this was all much easier. I can manage, I can field what is thrown at me and process all of these emotions (admittedly, not well at times.). But the unknowns of going into this with my children is difficult, to say the least. They are, far and beyond, the most precious gifts to me on this earth. Honestly, what it comes down to, is that God has called us here. Sometimes I don’t know why. And my children are much more precious to Him even, than to me.

He has not called me here as an individual, or even called Brian and I here as a couple. He has called us here as a family. He has made this a part of my journey, and a part of theirs. Sometimes I just have to rest in the peace of knowing the fierceness of my love as a parent, and that he is also Abba, Father.--

Sylvia and Bella have grown very close. This is the first time we have had a placement that Sylvia has been old enough to really bond to them and become friends. They play together every day. They look out for one another. They fight like crazy.

This weekend was Bella’s first time being away overnight in almost six months. She left Saturday morning for her parent’s house, and she will return this evening before bedtime.

We have had lots of discussions with Sylvia about where Bella goes on her visits, who she sees, why they are important, and that someday, she will go and live there forever. We talk about it a lot (when Bella is gone) in hopes that when she actually goes home, Sylvia will have some understanding of what is happening.

This weekend there have been lots of times that Sylvia has forgotten Bella isn’t here. When we were out to lunch, she tried to correct my order to make sure we got something for Bella. When she got a new book today, she asked, “Where Bella’s book?”. She’s not really seemed sad that she’s not here, she’s just so used to her being here that it’s only natural that she lives life as if she has an older sister along.

Every time she mentions her, the cracks in my heart begin to form. Cracks from knowing Bella won’t be here with us much longer and cracks from knowing that my sweet baby will miss her.

But honestly, so far, Sylvia has dealt with this with a miraculous understanding (for a two year old). She has verbalized that she understands that Bella misses her Mommy and Daddy, and so she should be with them. It all seems much more simple to her.

Bella misses her Mommy and Daddy? ….Well she should be with them!

Bella wants to live with her Mommy and Daddy? ….Well she should go!

Bella is sad she can’t be there? ….Well of course she is!

I think that this longer transition period will be good for Sylvia to adjust to Bella leaving. She’ll be able to get used to her being gone a little bit longer each time.

In the meantime, we’ll keep trying to prepare her to say goodbye.

(If you have specific questions about this transition, let me know and I’ll try to get it in. Just shoot me an e-mail.)

decorating 2011.

2011-12-09T15:01:00.001-06:00

Picking out the Christmas tree.

We’re really trying to practice Advent this year. Finding peace in waiting, expectation, excitement. Looking forward to celebrating the birth of our Savior.

Visit, behaviors, improvement, repeat.

2011-12-07T16:14:00.001-06:00

This is an all to familiar cycle to anyone who has fostered for long.

Bella has started having longer visits with her parents – this weekend she’ll have an overnight visit for two nights and three days.

oh boy. holy cow. We are feeling the repercussion of painful scabs being scratched open again and again and again.

I think this is one of the difficulties of fostering that may be different in adoption (hopefully we will find out eventually). In fostering it seems that you are never really working toward healing. Really, you are working at keeping a wound just raw enough that when it comes time for reunification, the wound can be grafted back into a family unit, that will slowly heal together.

Fostering is about dealing with open wounds.

We aren’t working toward closure.

We aren’t working toward healing.

We really aren’t even working toward progress in behaviors.

Because every visit, she goes home for a few hours, and then she has to leave again. Leave her sister. Leave her mom and dad. Leave her home.

And the scab is picked off. And we’re starting all over.

The pain in her little heart is something I can’t imagine. As an adult, as a foster parent, it is emotionally exhausting to experience. As a four year old in the center of it all? I can’t fathom it.

She doesn’t know what to do with all that pain. We try to help her process it, put names to emotions, cry through the confusion. We try to explain what is happening and why in four year old terms (because caseworkers don’t do that. we’ve never had a caseworker explain what was happening consistently.). But there is too much hurt, and it has to come out.

It comes out in defiance. Lots. and lots. and lots. of defiance.

It comes out in anger.

It comes out in tantrums.

It comes out in needing extra affection.

And we do our best. We increase nurture with structure. We use lots of feeling words. We connect while correcting. We avoid un-needed consequences like crazy. We talk about choices.

Things get a little better. We see more smiles. We see better choices. We see her heart mend, just a little.

And then there is another visit.

And we start all over.

And it’s not even about the behaviors. (although some days, it’s hard for that not to be the focus.) I just want her little heart to be able to heal. I just want her to stop hurting all the time.

7 Months.

2011-12-02T15:45:00.001-06:00

I know, I know, you’ve been seven months old for a couple of weeks.

Things have been nuts around here – but I want to make sure to get ‘you at seven months’ down on paper, because I’ve lived enough life to know that a year from now I won’t remember at all. (I hate that. I blame it on your Nana. I got my memory from her.)

You are incredible.

You are happy all the time. You smile at anything. You laugh at me even when I’m obviously annoying you. You are joy personified. I’m not sure I’ve ever met a baby as happy and smiley as you. I sing you “You are My Sunshine” all the time, and it’s true.

You’ve started babbling, it approximates something a little like: Aaaaabababababa. I’m still working on Mamamama, but at least you didn’t go with Dadadada. (That was your sister’s first sound, and your Dad still brags about it.) You are very passionate about your babbling, and when you get going you are very loud. We’ve had to leave several church services, a wedding, the library, and small group all because you are so loud – but you’re happy loud, so I can’t very well shush you.

You are moving all over the place. You half crawl, half drag yourself around on your belly, but you are bound and determined to get to where you want to be.

You are itty bitty like your Mommy. At your six month check up you were 13 pounds 4 ounces, and in the 5th percentile. When you crawl around you look like a little four month old crawling. You are petite, and I love it.

You’re still sleeping with us full time. I think soon I’ll start putting you in your crib at the beginning of the night – but I love snuggling you, so we’ll see. I’m pretty sure you love snuggling me too – when I lay you in bed at night and you see me coming to lay next to you, you literally start giggling, squealing, and doing a little squirmy dance. It occurred to me the other night that you don’t know anything different than sleeping next to your Mommy all night long, and I love giving you that comfort.

I’ve tried giving you a couple of foods. Bananas, carrots, butternut squash. You didn’t like any of them – you’re not too keen on eating just yet. When I tried out broccoli you actually vomited all over me, so I think I’ll give you some time. No rush. You don’t have any teeth yet, and your gummy smile is so cute that really, I’m glad.

You’ve started reaching for me and your daddy when other people are holding you which positively melts my heart. You’re also pretty in love with your sisters. You think they are the funniest thing that you ever did see, and you giggle at them all the time.

So, in short, you are very cute, very happy, and very loud.

I love you more than you will ever know. Every time I see you and your face lights up into a smile, my heart fills with a joy that I can hardly keep in. I pray for you everyday, only slightly less than I pray for God to help me to be the Mommy you need me to be. Thank you for being my sunshine, I’m am so grateful to God for you.

Love you, Love you, Love you,

Mama

Answered prayer, aching heart.

2011-11-28T15:40:00.001-06:00

It’s been really busy?

I guess that’s my excuse for telling you that Bella had a hearing, and then not updating.

But you all let me know.

So here’s an update, for all the e-mails and questions!

(I feel very blessed that there are so many people who care to stay updated!)

All reports at court were good!

I knew that Dad was doing well – he’s been very motivated since day one. Mom I was a little more concerned about – but apparently she’s come around and is doing very well also.

They have planned for Bella to start doing overnight visits every Saturday beginning in a week and a half. These overnights will culminate in a four day visit over Christmas (hard not to have mixed emotions over that!).

Also, the court approved for them to have a 30 day trial home visit some time in the next 90 days. I’m guessing it will start some time in January.

Honestly – this is what foster care should look like.

Motivated parents, progress, teamwork to overcome barriers to reunification. I am so thankful for progress that is cautious. Progress that includes the agency still keeping tabs on how things are going, and setting the parents up for success. Progress that is not overwhelming for Bella, her parents, us – but is still working toward home.

With that said, we are headed into a transition back home.

None of our kids in the past have had a proper transition, for several different reasons. I think a well played transition is more the exception than the rule.

But even now, being given notice in months instead of days or hours, it seems so fast. It’s just that gripping realization that before this season has even had it’s last snow, it is likely that our beautiful Bella will no longer be here with us.

That is mixed with an intense joy for her and her parents. This is what I have prayed and prayed and prayed for them. Through long nights rocking her to sleep through the tears, this is what I have begged for.

Fix the brokenness, mend the hearts, graft this family back together. Redemption.

I am so happy for Bella, and so happy for her parents. I pray the next couple of months are smooth and healing.

And although my heart aches at the thought of her leaving, I know that He gives and takes away for our good, and for His glory. I will cherish the time we have with her, while championing her family’s new beginning.

Our tradition.

2011-11-16T17:01:00.001-06:00

With each of our foster children, before they leave, we go to the ceramic shop and have them paint a light switch cover for our home. About half of our light switches are adorned in artwork and memories – and eventually they all will be.

Bella has court on the 17th (read: tomorrow). And while I’m told we can expect for nothing big to happen, there is something uneasy inside of me. I wouldn’t put it past the judge to just send her home. It’s been done before.

So, with this in mind, I took her to make her light switch cover last weekend.

I always go with these grand thoughts of artsy looking children’s paintings to cover our walls in.

But alas, every single one of the covers we have done in the past ends up being one color (or several that are so mixed together that they appear to be only one) with very little definition or design.

Bella’s is no different. It is three colors, all put on one sponge and smeared around.

But when it hangs on my wall, I will always think of this beautiful girl that I have been so blessed to know.

I also had her paint a picture frame for her parents for Christmas.

She is very excited to give it to them.

I will be answering the same question every day between now and Christmas.

“How long until I can give it to them?”

If you could pray for her hearing tomorrow, I would really appreciate it. I don’t know what to deem the ‘right thing to happen’ tomorrow – I just pray that whatever it is, that it is truly in her best interest.

My broken heart.

2011-11-14T15:43:00.001-06:00

"...I think Jesus tells us to love our neighbors, not just for our neighbors sakes, but for our own as well, because he knows what happens inside our hearts when we let in those who are vulnerable, needy and even repulsive near us. WE become vulnerable, needy and dare I say it, even repulsive too. Our own motives and shortcomings and entitlement and laziness come to the surface and stare us in the face. And that IS uncomfortable." -Sarah Dornbos

This defines so much of what my fostering experience has been.

With every child, God has refined me. Pruned me. Poked around in those parts of my heart that I’d just as soon pretend aren’t there.

All of these ugly things start bubbling to the surface.

Trauma tantrums? Up comes my impatience.

Hours of crying out the hurt? Out comes my lack of compassion.

Needing to be rightnexttomeeverymomentoftheday? The hard parts of my heart are exposed, unwilling to love with the intensity of Jesus’ call.

In it all I feel him moving.

I am pruning you. With my help, you will produce more fruit. Because I love you, I will not leave you in the state you are in. Trust me.

Some days it is easier for me to love, to serve, to find joy in the brokenness.

But.

Sometimes loving other people’s children is difficult. Sometimes I struggle with allowing my heart to love them, forcing myself to be what they need, trying to be selfless in the face of pain, struggle, challenge.

I’m being honest. Painfully, really. Literally, painful, to my heart that knows the love that has been lavished on me only to struggle to fully love a child.

Some will choose to judge in the face of honesty. Those who have fostered, and those who have not. To that, I say, I cannot blame you. My heart is ugly. My only redemption is Christ.

I wish you could meet Bella. Or maybe you have. She is beautiful. Her gentleness and innocence have persevered through so much. She finds joy after being drug through hell. She has a loving heart, yet her pain is worn on her sleeve. She loves pink and purple. She loves to dress up like a princess. She loves swinging. She has her Daddy’s eyelashes. She HAS eyelashes (!!). And in His eyes she is beautiful and purposefully created.

Yet in my heart, sometimes I struggle to let her in, to love her, to be compassionate.

I hate it.

And in my brokenness I cry out, “Jesus, prune me! Teach me. Fix me.”

His love is the only love that will always be enough. But slowly, he will refine my heart so that my love will look more like his.

“This is my command: Love one another.” -Jesus

Processing.

2011-11-08T17:07:00.001-06:00

Let’s see. Where to start?

Well, I caught the Virus From the Bowels of Hades *VFBH* (that’s the proper name. or maybe just what I call it. It is definitely the appropriate name.). You know how lovingly children share their germs. If we could universalize their willingness to share germs, our lives would be so much easier.

Anyway – I had the VFBH for approximately 11 days.

Holy. Cow.

High fevers upwards of 103. My entire mouth swelled up. I couldn’t eat. For 11 days. Have you ever had to drink Ensure? Avoid it.

We got the VFBH from Bella. That’s one of those nuggets that people rarely share about fostering. Kids coming from *less than ideal* environments can bring all kinds of *less than ideal* ailments with them. Lice, scabies, thrush, random rashes, VFBH’s. Sometimes they’re just part of it – and life goes on.

But I’m pretty sure that if I had taken a picture of my mouth last week and posted it on the blog ….. you would never ever foster. So I won’t.

In other news, we are in the thick of processing all that is going on with Bella.

Recently she’s started role playing her situation while she and Sylvia are playing pretend.

She role plays that she has a meeting to go to and that at the meeting they are going to decide if she can go home.

She role plays that she is going on an overnight visit and explains to Sylvia how much she will miss her while she is gone.

She role plays that she is going to court and that the judge has to make big decisions.

It breaks my heart to hear her. She should be pretending to be a Mommy cuddling her baby. She should be pretending to go to work, or pretending that she’s going grocery shopping, or pretending that she’s going somewhere with her friends. Instead she’s pretending things that she shouldn’t even be able to imagine, things much too big for her four year old little mind.

But, I also know that this is how she is processing what is happening, and that it is good for her to work through these situations in her mind. For her to be able to imagine an end to her situation, and for her to be able to try to make sense of everything that is happening. When she’s playing pretend is the only time that she has to have any control over what is happening to her at all.

She’s also started asking questions about what will happen to me and Sylvia when she goes home. As a foster parent it is difficult - I rarely have much more information than she does (which is ridiculous.) – and so answering her questions is usually just some vague bs’ing done in such a way as to aid her healing rather than open fresh scabs. I pray that we’ll be able to stay in contact when she goes home, and that we’ll be able to serve her family in whatever ways we can to benefit Bella. We’ll see.

They’ve started having visits in her home, which makes everything about 200% more difficult. It is a necessary step toward going home, but I wish they would wait until reunification is imminent. Emotionally this wrecks her. She pays an emotional toll for it all week long, which means that we do to. We’ve been dealing with pretty significant defiance and tantrums that are obviously triggered by the visits.

Foster care and reunification is always a catch 22 it seems.

Her treatment is going wonderfully. She’s healthy as can be, which is no small blessing. Seeing how her health has turned around since she’s come to us makes me ache inside at the thought of her returning to an environment that was keeping her sick.

Anyway – long and boring post, but wanted to get a brief update posted.

Always so much to process. Always.

Why Foster? Yes and Amen.

2011-10-27T08:59:00.001-05:00

Saw this video over at J’s blog and had to repost.

Can I get an amen?

What if when you were 10 you were labeled ‘unadoptable’ and so you

never

ever

had a family?

And probably, it was just because you were ten.

too old, you see.

Clip, clip.

2011-10-25T13:23:00.001-05:00

Ever since Bella came to live with us (almost 4 months ago now!) we have had frequent conversations about when her hair grows back. It never seems to bother her much that it’s gone, but she is very excited for when it’s back.

One of the things that she’s been most excited for is when it got long enough to put clips in it. I promised her we’d go find some Dora clips and Princess clips (her choices.).

So the day has finally arrived!

Drum roll please!

Beautiful.

We got it to stay (for at least five minutes).

She was so excited!

And now, off to the store to find Dora clips.

Seizure, shmeizure.

2011-10-24T10:18:00.001-05:00

This week has been crazy.

And since blogging is somewhere around 46th on my priority list, I’ve gotten a little (a lot) behind.

Things move so quickly around here, and I don’t want to miss a beat – I want to have it all here so that I can go back and reminisce when Bella leaves and I’m missing her, and again when Sylvia is turning 25.

Sentimental? Er, I prefer to just say that I hold life close to my heart.

Today end six days of Sylvia having a fever. I say this tentatively and with my fingers crossed – as I’m sure it could return. She also hasn’t been eating, has barely been drinking, hasn’t been sleeping, and has been on my lap all week.

On Wednesday night we ended up in the emergency room because her fever spiked and she had a febrile seizure. (Ok, when I think seizure, I think, holy. cow. let’s get to the E.R.) When we got to the E.R. her temperature was 105. They drew some blood (much easier said than done with a two year old) and ran some tests. They weren’t sure what was going on, so we were told it was a virus.

Can I interject here to say that they acted like the seizure was no big deal? If these things are so common, then why don’t us Mom’s know more about them?? Oh, your child seized, their eyes rolled back in their head, they wouldn’t focus their eyes or respond to you, and then they couldn’t form words when they tried? No big deal.

Anyway, the next day we followed up with our physician who told us the same thing. Two days later, she still had a high fever (upwards of 103 without medication) so I decided to do a little research myself before I worried myself mad.

After 30 minutes on the internet, I made a hypothesis that she had contracted Herpes type 1 (essentially cold sores, but can come with a lot worse reaction for little ones. Sounds gross, but over 70% of the general population has it.) and that it had combined with some other virus that she picked up that also seemed to be reeking havoc on her mouth, gums, and body temp.

So today Brian took her to the urgent care (doctor number three) and sure enough, they thought she had contracted Herpes type 1 and that it was in conjunction with hand, foot, and mouth disease.

Genius.

This was not helpful for the peace of mind of someone who is already pretty cynical regarding the medical field. (If you are a doctor, I have no beef with you. I could spend about 10 posts on this.)

Luckily they said she seems to be nearing the end of it, and it will wrap up soon.

Nothing scarier than your baby girl having high fevers for 6 days with no explanation. Except when one of your other baby girls has a suppressed immune system. And the other one is only 6 months old.

Neither of the other girls have caught anything though. We assume that Bella has already had HFM, and it’s likely that she is where Sylvia got the herpes from. Naomi has my immunities since she is breastfed.

But holy. cow. It’s been one heck of a week.

P.S. I woke up with a fever this morning. blegh.

6 Months.

2011-10-23T14:47:00.001-05:00

Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle,
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle,
Little sack of sugar
I could eat you up.

Hey, hey, hey,
My little sack of sugar
Ho! Ho! Ho!
You’re my little sack of sweet.

Hee, hee, hee,
My pretty little angel.
So pretty, pretty, pretty
I could eat your feet

Hey, hey, hey,
Little honey-bunny
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Little turtle dove.

Hee, hee, hee,
Little sack of 'taters.
So pretty, pretty, pretty
I could eat your toes

Hey, hey, hey,
My tootsie wootsie.
Rangle,tangle, dangle,
And a honey and a tree.

Ho! Ho! Ho!
My butterfly-flitters,
So pretty, pretty, pretty
I could eat your nose.

Goo goo google
and a coo and a cuddle
Kick your foot like a bicycle pedal
Pretty little hoe down
And a one eyed frog
So pretty pretty pretty
I could gobble you whole

Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle,
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Little sack of sugar
I could eat you up.

- Woody Guthrie

(And your Mama. I love you.)

Celebrating Two.

2011-10-11T17:18:00.001-05:00

I was so excited to celebrate Sylvia’s second birthday. And we did. It was exciting and completely filled me with joy to watch her soak up her birthday fun. We didn’t do any huge, themed party with coordinating everything (gasp!) but we had a lot of fun and spent a lot of time together.

We filled the hallway outside of her door with balloons so that they’d flood through her door when she opened it!

Bella, Naomi, Sylvia, and I made brownies together in the morning to have after dinner that night. Then we went to the park and had a special lunch. Unfortunately, Bella had her visit that afternoon, so she was gone from 1 until after 6:30 – but it did give us a little bit of time to give Sylvie some one on one lovin’. (Of course, Naomi was there, but she’s really pretty easy!)

Brian came home from work a little early to celebrate.

We went to Deanna Rose (a children’s farmstead with lots of playgrounds) for the afternoon.

Then we headed downtown to go to Fritz’s for dinner (the choo-choo resteraunt).

That night, after Bella got home, we had cake, brownies, and ice cream. Of course, this was the girls’ favorite part of the day.

Happy birthday, babe. We love you.

Camping love.

2011-10-10T16:10:00.001-05:00

We went camping last weekend with our good friends. Sylvie and their daughter, Elliana, have been good buds since they made their debuts into this world, and I’m sure it won’t be long before Mayah and Naomi are getting into mischief of their own. Bella had a great time – and as always, it’s so much fun to watch her experience things she’s never gotten to do before.

On Friday I was getting everything ready to go camping when we got a call from the hospital. They said that Bella’s levels had come back unusually low that week (the home nurse had been out on Wednesday) and that they were concerned. They felt that to be on the safe side they needed to do a blood transfusion. Bella was acting completely normal, so I wasn’t too concerned, but I was feeling bummed because this would probably mean we wouldn’t get to leave until Saturday, shortening the trip considerably. Including labs and everything else, a transfusion means at least 6 hours at the hospital.

I tried to stay positive so that she wouldn’t get upset, and we drove up to the hospital with all three kids in tow – this was looking to be a long day. But….we got there and they did the labs and her levels came out super high! They said that the low numbers must have been some mistake in the labs! We were so excited!

We headed home, packed up, and we were off…

Sylvie ‘helping’ Elliana on the big girl potty. We have pictures of Elliana ‘helping’ Sylvie as well. Nothing like a good friend to help you through potty training, eh?

It didn’t take long before it became something of a spectator sport. Elliana decided she wanted her daddy to sit next to her, and then Bella thought she’d pull up a chair for she and Sylvia too.

Me and my girls.

Throwing rocks in the lake. That’s what best friends do.

Ugh. I hate that I have to pixelate her beautiful face. But it’s for her best interest.

The kids got to go out one at a time with a grown up in the kayak. Bella thought this was so cool. Anytime we weren’t in the boat, she was asking to be in the boat. (Approximately every 45 seconds.)

She was so excited because ‘she even got to paddle!’

Cute girls.

Note: You can see Bella’s smile even through the pixelation. Bella and Sylvia are fighting over a toy (story of our lives.) And check out how dirty these girls are – definite sign of some fun.

Sylvia being very serious about her smore eating. I wish I could post the picture of Bella’s face after her smore. It looks like she rubbed it from ear to ear while she ate it because it was just that good. Smores were new for both the girls, and I think it’s fair to say they LOVED them.

P.S. That coke is most definitely not Sylvia’s.

We took cupcakes with us to celebrate Sylvia’s birthday. Unfortunately we did not have anything to ice them with, so I had to use my fingers. (I say unfortunately, what I really mean is, score! I got to lick my fingers at the end!)

I’m not sure that after two days in the car they tasted any better than they looked, but Sylvia was very excited.

Check out the dirt on that face.

Have I mentioned I hate pixelating her face? She is a part of our family. I want her in family photos! ….I digress.

Beautiful families, beautiful friends, beautiful weather….so blessed!

We told them to say ‘ice cream’ to take the picture, and Sylvia got very excited.

So much fun. So many good memories. I love camping because there is nothing to do but to be together – and there is no one I’d rather be with than my family and friends!

You are two.

2011-10-06T15:05:00.001-05:00

That’s crazy.

Me: Sylvie, what do you want for your birthday?

You: Ummm, cake.

Me: Alright, we can have cake. Do you want anything else for your birthday?

You: Yes. Ummm… fire.

Me: ?

You: I’ll blow it out, Maggie.

Me: ooohh, you want candles?

You: yes. candles. I want fire.

Me: Ok, so you want cake and fire, do you want any friends at your birthday?

You: Yes. Cake friends.

Me: Got it.

When you woke up this morning, you walked out of your room into a hallway filled with balloons, and while still only halfway awake you excitedly whispered, “It’s my burphday!”. You’ve been singing happy birthday to yourself all week.

I have been anticipating this day for weeks. I’ve been anticipating the look of pure joy on your face as we celebrate you – just the fact that we have you, and you are here with us, and that God made you to be just who you are!

God uses you in my life every day. This sounds so cliché, but I really, truly don’t know where I would be, how my life would work without you.

You are so full of joy, it seeps out of every pore. Sometimes when you get excited, it seems like you can’t quite figure out how to get your smile to be big enough. Now when you want to show me you are excited, you just drop whatever you are holding, smile as big as you can, start shaking your arms and jumping up and down, until a huge high pitched squeal comes escaping from your mouth from way down deep.

Don’t lose that. I hope that on your graduation and when you see your first baby and on your 90th birthday that you still exude such joy.

I am floored by the way you are talking. Every day you say something that I didn’t know you knew how to express. You’re speaking in full sentences and can carry on a full conversation. Yesterday you talked to your Nana on the phone for at least a full 5 minutes with absolutely no prompting from me.

You can sing the entire ABC’s along with a myriad of other songs. You’re quite the singer. At night you always want your Daddy to sing to you, but you always have to songs picked out ahead of time, and you are very clear as to which songs he is to sing or not to sing. (strong willed? um, yes.) In fact, you always know exactly what you want. And you always let us know.

You’ve moved completely into your big girl bed now, which breaks my heart just a little. You even look big when you sleep now.

I know it’s too early yet to know what your talents will be, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that you are going to be a lot like your Daddy. Why? Well, you can count to 25 on your own and you know all of your shapes down to a crescent and an octagon. You love to put together puzzles on the iPad, and you do it very well. But colors? Colors don’t seem to even cross your radar. I don’t think they interest you in the least.

You are still over the top active with no signs of slowing down. We go to the park pretty much every day so you can run some of that off! You love, love, love to swing. Whenever I pull you back and let you go you usually give a little giggle and say, “Wow Maggie, this is fun!”

Which reminds me – you call me Maggie now. All the time. For a while I tried to get you to call me Mommy, but you hear Bella call me Maggie all the time and I think it’s stuck. It’s really not as endearing as Mommy or Mama, but it will have to do.

I love being with you. I love watching you grow and learn and try new things. I love your snuggles and your kisses. I love watching you play with your sisters. And even when I think I might go crazy and go out by myself for an evening, I miss you and look forward to seeing you as soon as I get home.

You are a gift.

I pray for you always. I pray for your character and that God will work in you to produce a woman that is generous, caring, gentle, and compassionate. (Common theme there – sharing isn’t your forte these days.) I pray he will use me to teach you about selfless, undying, unconditional love – the love He has for you. I pray He will give me the strength to live the gospel out in front of you.

Thank you in advance for the grace I will require as your mother. Know that I love you always. More.

Happy second birthday Sylvie Sue.

Love you, love you, love you,

Maggie

Please ask!

2011-10-05T17:00:00.001-05:00

I was reading this post this morning (love her blog) and it helped me a little bit to define something I’ve been trying to feel out lately.

There is sometimes this awkwardness in fostering. (Ok, there is a lot of awkwardness in fostering – but I trying to specify one kind of fostering awkwardness.) Like yesterday when I took Bella and Sylvia to the dentist.

I sign them both in, and wait. I fully expect, as I wait for her to call my name, that there will be quite the scene in trying to clarify this whole situation. The receptionist starts in:

So, she’s on your insurance, but she is on Medicaid?

And you only have a photo copy of her Medicaid card, why?

You stated here that you think she has a history of dental work but you’re not sure? (Um, yes. I’m going to go ahead and say I can assume that one, considering all of her front top teeth are gone and all her bottom ones are capped. Does that seem like such a stretch to you?)

In order to run her Medicaid, I need her full legal name. You don’t know it???

And then they proceed to call Sylvia and Bella into different rooms – I guess because they have different last names? And I have to clarify, from across the room that they are both with me.

We get into the exam room and the nurse starts asking lots of questions. How long has Bella been with you? Will it be hard to say goodbye? Is fostering really hard? (umm…she’s sitting right there?)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying any of this because it is offensive to me. It isn’t. I’ll just go ahead and say that in general I think most of us foster and adoptive parents are too easily offended when it comes to our children.

I think I’m just not sure what to do with this.

Everyone doesn’t need to know that Bella is my daughter through foster care. I don’t think I should be obligated to tell anyone that. What difference does it make? But I also realize that in general, our family doesn’t fit into the box that most people have in their brain labeled ‘family,’ and that there are bound to be questions.

I just don’t want her, in anyone’s mind, to be defined by the fact that she is in foster care. “Foster Kid” does not define anyone. It is a label. A label that sucks.

So, where does that leave us? You naturally have questions about the makeup of our family – that’s cool, not a problem. In fact, I’m really happy to answer them. Education about all this is the only way that it will improve and any labels can be taken care of. Our families are different, which only makes them interesting – noticing that they are different is not wrong, unless it creates labels.

I won’t even be offended as you bumble about trying to come up with how to ask which ones are our ‘real kids’ – because lets all be honest, it’s hard to ask questions about foster and adoptive families. It’s even harder when foster and adoptive families get offended by any way you ask.

But Bella is at risk of feeling defined by the fact that she’s in foster care because of all the questions – we don’t fit in the box.

I guess what I am saying is:

We foster and adoptive parents should chill out and not get offended at every question that suggests that our families are built differently than most (gasp!) – and we need to have grace when other’s have not mastered the art of adoption talk.

and

If you want to ask questions, just do it discreetly until you know how open and ok it is to discuss these issues, well, out in the open.

Does this make sense? Thoughts?

Pills, pills, pills.

2011-09-28T14:23:00.001-05:00

When I was little and our family would make our 24 hour car ride out to Arizona each year to see my grandparents, I would always sleep on the floor of the living room in their little trailer. I distinctly remember every morning, my grandpa getting up and (while making an unbelievable amount of noise with the cabinet doors and pans) getting ready for the day. He’d also sing a little ditty that went “Pills, pills, pills, look at all these pills”, while he was getting he and my grandma’s meds ready for the day. I don’t know why I remember that.

I think I’m going to adopt his song though.

Bella started maintenance on Monday for her treatment. This is great news, because it seems that mostly we’re coasting for the next year and a half until her treatment is done.

Thus far, the maintenance meds and treatment don’t seem to be getting her down much – no nausea, no energy loss, no losing feeling in her feet. (all side effects.) So we are singing our thanks for that.

With maintenance, we were given 4 new meds – which brings us to errrr….13 or 14 I think.

Like I said…..Pills, pills, pills.

Although most of hers are liquid (thank goodness) and also taste really good according to Bella, so that makes our lives much easier. Mostly it’s just a matter of getting into routines with the meds every time they change them so that I can remember what comes in the morning and what comes at night.

But….all of her counts are high, they say that she seems to be reacting to the treatment well, and I think we are past most of the scary stuff. I’m not sure we’re completely in the clear as far as remission goes, but I think we’re getting there!

The doctor even cleared for her to start preschool!! We weren’t able to at the beginning of the year because she was still too susceptible to infection and germs – but the doc says we can give it a go! I’m so excited – I think she will loooove going to preschool – I can’t wait to get to tell her when we get her enrolled.

No news on Bella’s sister. We’ll see I suppose.

Good news on all fronts. Feeling very blessed.

Wrap Up.

2011-09-26T09:19:00.001-05:00

Our little dare devil.

A visit to Grandma and Grandpa’s! I probably have 200 pictures of kids on this swing, but it’s just the perfect picture place!

On the four wheeler with Grandpa.

Look Mom, no hands!

Peekaboo!

Bella's Gift.

2011-09-23T07:20:00.002-05:00

Imagine my surprise when I shifted through the mail on the counter and found a package that read ‘Bella’.

It immediately brought tears to my eyes when Bella opened it (very excited, of course) and found a crocheted hat inside that someone had crafted for her.

I’m not some big fancy schmancy blog. We don’t regularly get anything in the mail from someone who’s read about our kids and is moved to send something. But this kind lady did just that. (I won’t post your name since you don’t seem to list it on your etsy or facebook sites!) From two states away Bella received a little love.

So cute. She looks like a little owl in it. (she’s wearing it backwards so I could post the picture here on the blog.)
Bella is generally pretty good at sharing, and she’s let Sylvia try it on a couple times, but she’s been pretty protective of her new hat.

I just wanted to say thank you to the sender. It warmed my heart – and Bella is very excited. (She couldn’t believe that she got to open mail!) Thank you so much for your heart and for your thought in sending something you made.

Caption Contest.

2011-09-21T11:00:00.000-05:00

Caption contest #1.

Caption contest #2.

Five Months.

2011-09-20T14:46:00.001-05:00

Little lady, I think between you and your sister I might just be in trouble.

You are wigglier than she ever was, and you’re louder too. How that happened, I just can’t be sure. Your personality is such that I am sure all I’ll be able to do is laugh at all the mischief you’ll get yourself into.

You are happy all. the. time.

Actually there was this one evening when we were hanging out with our friends and you were kind of cranky. You cried some. But yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it. That’s the only time. And it was past your bedtime.

You are some kind of joyful, girl.

If you haven’t heard by now, you look a little like your Mommy. As in, indistinguishable baby pictures. And with my new haircut, we kind of have the same hair going on too (maybe I’ll put a few little red streaks through it.). I love that you look like me. That sounds completely narcissistic, but really, I just love knowing that the whole world can tell you’re mine.

You roll on your own accord. Nobody’s going to make your roll, or convince you it’s a good idea – you only do it when you decide it sounds good. Maybe that’s some strong will peeking through (don’t know who you would have gotten that from…). You are already scooting to get to toys. Let me remind you, you are only five months old and mobility is not something that I’ll be begging for anytime soon – aka, slow down. You love baby toys now and do absolutely anything in your power to get them into your mouth. I don’t think teeth are very far down the road.

I think I’m dealing pretty well with how quickly you seem to be growing. You are very petite, so I can convince myself that you aren’t really as old as you are. You still seem very little, which I love. The only chub on your whole body is on your thighs, and it is the cutest thigh chub ever.

You refuse to take a bottle. It’s just not Mommy and you want nothing to do with it. Secretly I’m ok with this. I guess if I’m the only one who will suffice, I can handle that. I love knowing that there’s no replacing Mommy. And I’m not too keen on being away from you for very long anyway, so it works out well for all of us.

You love your sisters. You think they are hilarious. Bella and Sylvia can get you belly laughing faster than anyone or anything and all they have to do is smile at you. It is very sweet. Sylvia is so excited when you get up in the morning and she loves to “hode you”. Your sisters are the first to rush to your side if they think you are upset. Bella loves to ‘read you books’ and asks if she can talk with you anytime you are doing tummy time. It’s so sweet. Ridiculously, really. Sometimes when I’m not looking, Sylvia tries to ride you like a horse. I’m sorry about that. I try to save you.

So, all this to say, I love you. I just love you more and more and more every minute. I don’t know how our family made it before you were here, but I’m sure glad you’re a part of us now.

Love you, love you, love you,

Mommy

Thinspiration.

2011-09-15T15:52:00.001-05:00

Hi, my name is Maggie, and I am addicted to Pinterest.

Pinterest gives me the little creativity outlet that sustains me when I don’t have time to sew in between diapers. It also supplies me with a list of cool crafts and sewing ideas that I will never complete in this lifetime. But I can dream.

The last few weeks, though, I’ve noticed something on Pinterest that really bothers me. A lot.

There are a lot of women who have boards solely devoted to pictures of women who are skinnier than they are. They label them clever things like ‘thinspiration’ and ‘20 pounds from now’. This is bothersome. What is even worse, is that they pin pictures of women who are clearly not healthy. Women who are not ‘in shape’ but are ill in the way they view their bodies. There are enough women pinning these pictures that they are aggregating on the list of popular pins.

As a mother of daughters, this scares me more than any words I can contrive.

My daughters,

Know that I am on my knees, pleading for your understanding of worth. By all means, I want to teach you how to be healthy and care for your bodies, but health is not what you see in the mirror. I pray that you never look into a mirror and find your worth in what you see.

God made you. Let me pause there.

God made you.

And when he made you, he looked at you and saw His beautiful daughter. He made you to be beautiful from the inside out. As I pray for you, I pray that you find your purpose in growing in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control. I pray that you find your worth in being a child of God.

The world will tell you that you have to look different – no matter how you look. The advertisements will tell you that what you are is not good enough. (One of the primary reasons we don’t have a t.v. – which I’m sure you’ll hate me for at some point.) There is no end to striving after what they tell you to be – because they will always tell you to be something else.

And they. are. wrong.

Your beauty is not a number on a scale, or a tube of makeup, or a special cleanser that makes your pores smaller and your zits disappear, or a different outfit that makes you more acceptable to them. It’s not even defined by your ‘failures’ – because that is how we learn.

Your true beauty will be defined in your character. In your generosity. How you won’t think twice about giving all you’ve got because someone else needs it. Your true beauty will be defined by your selflessness and humility. Your true beauty will be defined by how you display love that is not of this world. Really it’s only when you stop focusing only on what you see in the mirror that you can show anyone your true beauty.

Right now you are so confident. You do something (like spin in circles) and then yell, “Look, Daddy!”, so sure that what you are doing is wonderful. You are confident because they haven’t gotten to you yet – they haven’t been able to tell you that your spinning just isn’t up to par, it’s not twirly enough, or that your butt looks big when you spin. You don’t know, yet, that the whole world is waiting to tell you that your spinning just isn’t good enough, and that the quality of your spinning should define who you are.

I plead that you will not get caught up in this world. It’s just not worth it.

When I look at you, I see beauty because of who God created you to be. You are beautiful because you were created in His image.

Please don’t listen to them. Please. Keep spinning. It’s beautiful.

Have I let my Kids Down?

2011-09-14T10:43:00.001-05:00

I read this post over at Not Just an Ordinary Life.

Julie is a mom to 11 kids and has a beautiful heart for children with special needs. I’m not sure how she does it but she says:

Lest you think we are either crazy or saints, we are neither--just followers of Jesus Christ who desire to follow his commands to take care of the orphans and widows. Any thing that we do is from Him, not of our own strength.

Love that.

This post speaks to something I think most moms struggle with. It was just a good reminder for me – so I thought I’d share.

Have I let my kids down?

Sometimes a phrase catches my eye that makes me think all day. Today, I am already stuck on something...(and I wonder why my kids are perseverative?!)
The phrase..
"And I feel like I have let my kids down..."
This was the first thing I read this morning. It was just one line in a blog post but it made me laugh. This blogger is a Mom who is looked upon as a wonderful example of Christian parenting and who still feels on some level that she let her kids down. It wasn't a big thing, just something she hadn't introduced them to that she wished she had. If I could be like this mom for just a day, I would be well pleased.
I think the feeling of letting our kids down is universal.
Facebook and blogs don't always help:
I have a sweet friend who homeschools and all of her kids are memorizing the book of James during this school year. Joy and love for the Lord exudes from this friend. Her posts on facebook remind me of what I wish I had done. Instantly, I feel like I have let my kids down.
I glanced at another blog of a mom this morning...the photos were gorgeous. The moments that most of us don't think to capture on film were all there...they were beautiful and idealic. Have a rushed through parenting and missed the moments like that with my kids? Maybe I have let my kids down..
I have not taught my children to responsibility in the way I should have...I often do too much for them. I have wasted time on things that were not eternally significant...I have worried about what others would think...
I don't make the healthiest meals. I haven't helped them memorize scripture enough. I don't homeschool. Have I let them down?
I wish we would have spent more time listening and praying and worshipping together. I have let them down.
Have I let my kids down? Of course I have. I get annoyed. I get frustrated. I get mad. I am such an imperfect example of Christ's love.
Well, now that I have given them all a reason to enter therapy in the future, I can step back and remind myself that we can not give our children all that they need.. We are human. We are not perfect and to expect otherwise would be a reflection on our own pride. I am a mess. I have said it before...it is still true. I am mess...
a forgiven mess...
a loved mess...
a precious mess...
And...all that really matters is that there is less of me and more of Him. What I have to offer is insignificant compared to what God has in store for them...what He wants to teach them. My imperfections are a reminder that I am in need of a Savior...that we all need a savior. And I have one desire...to have my attempt at parenting glow like a neon sign pointing to the One who will never let them down...
This whole parenting thing is not about me...not about how I have let them down...or built them up. And I am so thankful that I have something to offer them besides my flawed parenting skills...
I can point them to Jesus..and He will never let them down...

Rogaine Shmogaine.

2011-09-13T13:52:00.001-05:00

I love this little girl.

One week ago today Ms. Bella had the last of her third round of treatment. She is so brave, and I could not be more proud of her. The joy while leaving that hospital on Tuesday was so thick you could taste it (and we did. via an ice cream treat. that’s the same as joy, isn’t it?).

We’re not done yet. Now she goes on maintenance for the next year and a half. But on maintenance we only have to go to the hospital once a month (!!) and most of her treatment is home administered. It adds to our ridiculous collection of medication under our sink, but I am so excited that she won’t have to be pricked and prodded for every round of treatment now.

Her body has responded very well to treatment so far. Since she came to us her counts (which basically tell you how well her body can fight off infection) have only risen, and for several weeks have been at the same level as someone without her disease. Amazing. God is good. (Thank you for your prayers.)

And did you catch it? In that picture up there?

Hair. And those eyelashes? I’ve never seen such eyelashes before.

She is a perfectly beautiful little girl without it. From the inside out. And if you know her for more than five minutes, you don’t even notice anymore.

But it means more than beauty. It means health. growth. improvement.

When she’s in the tub and I reach down to wash it (because it’s long enough to wash now!) it’s like seeing God’s rainbow in the sky. A promise. Things are getting better. She is getting better.

Every blessing you pour out I’ll turn back to praise.

Wrap Up.

2011-09-12T12:25:00.001-05:00

I always have a bunch of pictures that I don’t get to post that I want to have on the blog for when I get it printed. (I’m printing it into books as a memory book for our family.)

So, I think at the end of each week I’m just going to post the pictures that I have that I want to make sure make it in. Probably on Sundays. Also, I don’t think the grandparents (or the aunties for that matter) mind looking at extra pictures of the kids.

Her father’s doing.

Sylvie and grandpa. Love this.

Sylvie had so much fun at Nana and Grandpas that she literally fell asleep at the dinner table. This is noteworthy. Quite possibly the only time I’ve ever seen Sylvia actually run out of gas.

In the swing, of course. This one mostly just to say, look how OLD she looks!!!

Pretty sure they’re going to be best friends.

Playdough Jewelry

and

pretty toes.

That’s a wrap.

Van Goghs...

2011-09-09T10:31:00.001-05:00

...mini style.

With ears.

You get the picture.

Investment.

2011-09-08T13:31:00.000-05:00

The things I choose not to think about.

2011-09-07T16:08:00.001-05:00

Bella’s case seems to be moving forward, which is very exciting. I italicize ‘seems’ because in foster care you never know what might happen. I always tell my MAPP students – it’s not over until it’s over. really over. completely and totally done. Like so done that it’s burned on both sides over.

You get the idea.

So we are excited that things are moving, but trying not to get our hopes up. Someday after we’ve been foster parents for 60 years, I might get better at this.

We’re being approached about the possibility of having Bella’s sister move in with us. This is actually the second time we’ve been asked. I’m not sure it’s a good idea, as she and Sylvie are only 29 days apart in age. I’m tired just thinking about it.

Show me a woman who has four children four and under – two of which are two – and I’ll show you a woman who’s done lost. her. mind.

Like I said, we’re considering it.

In the convo regarding her moving here, I pointed out that the case is, in fact, moving forward. Her sister is currently placed in their hometown, and I brought up the fact that their hometown is probably the better place for them as we get closer to overnights, visits in the home, etc. (I also brought up that if we are semi-close to the end of the case that another transition might not be what either girl needs…..I think that was dismissed quickly.)

Just after these words left my mouth, I realized what I was saying.

I was talking about Bella leaving.

As a foster parent, I don’t think much about when the kids leave. If I did there would be no way for me to properly attach and love them. So it catches me off guard a little when it comes up.

Bella leaving. It actually made it a little bit hard for me to breath for a second.

I get so accustomed to kids being here that when they go I’m left wondering how our family will function without them. Here we go again.

I can feel the cracks in my heart forming when I think about her leaving.

But the other thing I tell my MAPP students is:

If you don’t get attached, you’re not doing it right.

Yes Man.

2011-09-02T13:29:00.001-05:00

Brian and I have been working to amp up on our therapeutic, attachment parenting skills. It’s something we’ve always educated ourselves on, but feel like we need to spend more time on. I get lazy in between placements and then always feel like kicking myself when we have a new child with us because I feel like I have to do so much review.

I’m re-reading this gem, and just got the newest Daniel Hughes book in the mail (Thanks Jen!).

The struggle to get into the right frame of mind to parent these children well is intense. I’ve been trying really hard lately to give lots and lots of ‘yeses’. When I’m trying to give a yes when a no would be so much easier, I have to stop and realize that the reason it is so hard to give that yes is because I am being lazy. (Can we say – refinement?)

These are the times that I have to get goofy with my kids to get myself where I need to be – sometimes I just start singing ‘yes’, which actually makes me happy to say it – and the kids love it too.

The real trick (beyond finding the time to educate myself betweendiapersandfeedingandwhiiiiinnnniiinnnggg) is being able to slow myself down enough in each moment to really consciously respond in the way they need me to. To always be reminding myself of the compassion needed (not necessarily sympathy – compassion) in my every look, tone, and technique.

And to remember that I cannot do this. I don’t have it in me. Really. I don’t. I need someone much bigger and more patient and loving and compassionate. Without Him, I run out of all of these things by approximately 8:30. (a.m.) – that’s pitiful. But, that is exactly what I am without Him.

So. This has been sufficiently boring. But this is where I am.

Christ asks us to do everything that we do with excellence. So I will keep educating myself and keep being intentional in the way I parent my kids, both my kids who have experienced trauma, and those who haven’t.

If you’re reading this and thinking, what is she talking about??

Non Foster Parents: Parenting kids from trauma is a whole new ballgame in the parenting arena. It requires parenting differently and even more intentionally (not that parenting other children does not take intentionality, this just takes intentionality on steroids.)

Foster parents: If you feel lost in the world of parenting kids from trauma, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me, and I would love to hook you up with some great resources. It’s a lot of work – but makes your life, and your children’s lives so much less fractured!

Always better when we’re together.

2011-09-01T19:10:00.001-05:00

As a foster parent, I always try my very hardest to support our kids going home and to help the family and kids work toward reunification. That is, after all, the goal of foster care – to keep kids safe while simultaneously making it safe for them to be home.

Of course, there have been times when I did not want children to go home. Those times were only in circumstances where I genuinely felt fearful for the safety of the children. Outside of safety issues, kids should be with their parents. Period. I’m even willing to host a hearty debate on that.

All this to say, I have never wanted a child to go home like I want Bella to go home. To read that sounds like I don’t love her. I do. But her Dad loves her more – and it shows.

Every time I talk to him (virtually every night) he is excited to tell us about progress in the case plan and the things he is working on. He has been nothing but appropriate on the phone to us as foster parents and to Bella.

He has even thanked us for caring for her during this time. (If you foster, you know how over the top crazy that is.) Which isn’t something that I, in any way, expect from bio parents – but it does show his understanding of the situation.

Everything inside of me prays she goes home.

Everything inside of me hurts for her Daddy every time we say goodbye.

Please pray for him. And for her. And that they get to be together.

If they’re quiet, they’re sick.

2011-08-31T10:09:00.001-05:00

I know it’s been quiet around here.

Actually, if you listened long enough, I’m sure you could hear someone vomiting in my toilet.

Yesterday was the first day in two weeks that we made it a full 24 hours without someone having a fever and/or throwing up in the middle of the night. whew. This Mama is tired.

But I think we’re through it. (Definitely just jinxed myself.) And hopefully things can get back to normal – like – you know, having wearable clothes, getting all the food off the floor – completely and totally disinfecting the bathroom. Those kinds of things.

Off to enjoy children who’s foreheads don’t feel hot and changing diapers that are not full of uumm…something that was eaten entirely too recently. Update later.

Love. This. Face.

2011-08-24T20:27:00.000-05:00

5,000+.

2011-08-22T08:21:00.001-05:00

One of the quirks of Bella’s illness is that any time that she has a fever over 100.4 degrees, she has to be to the emergency room in no more than 45 minutes time. In my house, 100.4 hardly constitutes a fever – but I’ll leave that up to the docs. In the case of a fever, she generally has to spend 2 days in the hospital for observation. (Which immediately leaves me asking really? you placed her with us? did I mention we have no experience with immune-compromised kids?) We had successfully avoided all of this so far.

Our family has been slowly but surely passing around a bug that leaves it’s victims with a fever, aches, and errrrr…..diaper rash – comprendo? We actually thought we had gotten through the storm without Bella catching it, and we were shocked to say the least.

But, as one might guess, her little compromised immune system gave in to the germies.

Friday night she wasn’t feeling well, but no sign of fever. We did an early bedtime and crossed our fingers that it would all disappear overnight. At 11:00 she woke me up complaining of a headache, and sure enough, she felt warm.

We took her temp – 101.6 – and immediately called the on call nurse in her unit. There was some debate as to whether to take her in, but in the end they decided that we should head to the ER. A friend of ours came to the house so that we could leave Sylvia, but Brian, Naomi, Bella, and I loaded up the car and headed out.

Brian wasn’t feeling good when I woke him up, but that was really the last thing on my mind (sorry, hun.). We got to the hospital and got into a triage room as quickly as possible, because in the ER, there are approximately 5 billion different contagious diseases floating around. Quite the irony, really.

They got her in and started doing lab work. In the meantime, Brian almost passed out in the hallway and the nurses had to see to him as much as they were seeing to Bella. Poor guy was white as a ghost and had chills and hot flashes.

After 3 hours in the ER they decided to give her some really strong antibiotics via IV. The incredible part is that we got her labs back and her levels were over 5,000!!! – which is as high as any normal immune system runs. I am completely convinced that this is due to nutrition – but all that for another post.

The good news is, that since her levels were so high, when we got done with the antibiotics we got to go home!

I know that makes for an anti-climactic story. But that’s how we like them around here. The less drama, the better, because when fostering, you can always be sure there is some more right around the corner. We’re just praying it doesn’t involve the ER again.

So, we are tired. (very. Still.) but we are so thankful that we have three healthy girls. (And Brian recovered too.) Ahhhhhh – all in a (very long) day’s work.

4 Months.

2011-08-19T08:12:00.001-05:00

Last night after you fell asleep I was laying there looking at you, and I was thinking about what a miracle you are and how much I love you.

This breaks my heart. But I also think you have the cutest cry ever.

I’ve decided that I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much I love you. Even after you become a Mommy, I don’t think you can fathom it – it’s just that much. I will discipline you and try to teach you. I will try to offer grace and to show you what love is. Sometimes you will think I am being mean, unreasonable, you won’t understand why I don’t just let you do whatever you want, you’ll swear I just don’t understand you, you will forget that I’ve been there. I will do it all out of love for you, in hopes that someday you will understand. I wish you could understand now, but I know it’s a process. Sometimes I wish that I could just make all of your decisions for you, but I know you have to learn. I love you more than you know, and I hope that in the end, that is the conclusion you come to.

After all of these thoughts flooded through my head, I realized that much of it is probably what God wishes for me – in fact I could probably go back to that paragraph and read it as a letter from Him.

Maybe that’s part of God’s plan in being a Mommy. To give us just a glimpse of how He feels for us, how much He loves us, His heart for us. And if this is just a glimpse, it is true that I will never be able to fathom the true immensity of His love. I am grateful for this glimpse. For this opportunity to experience love for someone that outweighs all else.

You are the happiest baby. I said that about your sister too – but I’m pretty sure you’re even happier than her. You are always smiling and giggling and you look at me like I am the best thing you’ve ever laid eyes on. It melts me. The only time you fuss is if you’re really hungry, but even that is rare.

You love your sisters, but I think you have a proper fear of them. When you hear Sylvia’s voice coming closer you get a little bit of a concerned look on your face and look at me for reassurance. “You’re going to save me, right mom?” Sylvia loves you, she’s just lacking in self control – soon you’ll be the same way and then I think you’ll both just perpetually have black eyes or something.

I left you with someone else for the first time this week. That first time is always difficult, a little like I can’t catch my breath. You did pretty well – but you missed your Mommy – and to be honest, I’m alright with that.

You roll like crazy now. You also laugh like crazy, and I’m afraid that you took after me and are terribly ticklish. You’ll love that until your about 20. You’re laid back right now – a very easy baby – but you are very, very squirmy, which makes me think that you might be just as active as your sister. This leaves Mommy feeling a little nervous.

At your 2 month appointment you were 10lbs. 6oz. – small, to be expected. And I can’t wait to see what you are at your 4 month appointment!

Your cousins are crazy about you.

I love you. You are awesome, and beautiful, and (given that smile) in a few short years you will be able to talk your Daddy into anything. Be kind with that.

Love you, love you, love you,

Mama

Pictures from Coyeewado.

2011-08-17T07:34:00.001-05:00

Our children, if they had their way of it, would have swung the entire time that we were there. I think we averaged about four hours a day of swinging. Luckily, our friends’ children also love to swing – so we had company.

There were over 67 kids there. Holy cow. We were one of two families that are not interracial. You want diversity? Come to adoptive/foster family camp.

One night for the evening activity they hang a log from the ceiling, you sit facing your partner on the log (too high up for your feet to be on the ground) and you try to knock each other off with pillows. It’s a lot of fun. I did it with Bella, and we have pics, but they show her full face. She was almost too scared to get on, but she did, and she beat me!

Bella and Sylvie’s friend Banke. Tooooooo cute.

Getting popcorn at Western Night.

Looovvviiinnngg line dancing at Western Night. So fun.

Painting rocks as souvenirs.

Sylvie and her stunt double, Davey.

Originally Bella was supposed to do the climbing wall, but decided she didn’t want to at the last minute, so I went up. The entire time I was climbing Sylvie screamed and cried “Mommy hold you!!”

brushing teeth together.

Sylvie ringing the dinner bell.

Deciding we should share my necklace. (We both wore it simultaneously most of the night).

Our girls with our friends’ girls. Left to right Sylvie, Gracey, Jaimes, Naomi, Bella, and Davey. Sylvie was not cooperating.

We have so many great pictures that I couldn’t put up because they have Bella’s face in them. Bummer. But great memories none the less.

Going to the Fountains.

2011-08-15T21:45:00.001-05:00

I mean the mountains. Where we get wet? They are big. But do we need our swimsuits? …All very confusing for Bella. We couldn’t help but chuckle.

We just got back from Horn Creek. It was wonderful in about 100 different ways. The words relaxing and family time can actually be used in the same sentence when you’re there. I know. Right? You don’t believe me. But it’s true.

The girls had so much fun. The entire week was packed full of things that they thought were the most fun things ever, in the entire world. ever. We went bowling, swinging, on the waterslides, swimming, swinging, on adventure walks (named by Bella), line dancing, swinging, rock wall climbing, horse back riding, and swinging. (Did I mention we spent some time on the swings? We did.)

Sylvia sang Old Macdonald had a Farm the whole time she was riding the horse. With a neigh neigh here and a neigh neigh there. Horse back riding happened to be one of the very first things that we did that week – and we immediately discovered that Bella is allergic to horses. It ended in a trip to the urgent care a two hour drive and a three hour wait away – but we got it all cleared up – she’s not bright red anymore.

I love spending time with my family. Nothing I like much better. So spending time with my family and being in the Rocky Mountains? Perfect.

This is us catching our breakfast. One morning they make pancakes and you have to catch them mid-air on your plate. The girls looovvveeedd it.

Very proud.

We met some friends there that have a two and a half year old little girl and a four year old little boy. The kids love each other and had so much fun playing together.

Of all the wonderful things that week, the community definitely ranks number one. Everyone there was either a foster or adoptive parent. It was so nice to feel like our family was normal. When kids had crazy meltdowns or behaviors came out of the woodwork – everyone there understood and was supportive.

It was this refreshing ‘Other people understand this insanity’ – in the midst of the insanity that is fostering and adopting.

The couple who lead the week run a foster and adoptive care ministry in Texas. We had group time for the moms and for the dads where we talked about therapeutic parenting techniques, behavioral issues, and gloried in the phrases, “yeah, my child does that too” and “this is what worked for me.”

Aaaahhh, can I go back now?

Sylvie and her friend Davey on western night. They could be stunt doubles for each other.

Before I post a bajillion pictures, I’ll just wait and do a whole different post of just pictures – because I can’t just pick a few.

While we were there we also got hooked up with some really great (and some free!) resources for foster and adoptive parents. I’ll share on those later for sure.

So. Next year, if you are a foster or adoptive parent (or grandparent, or relative, etc.), you should go to this week of Horn Creek. Totally worth it. Make room for it in your summer. Start saving now. Be there. We will be.

Road Trip.

2011-08-07T16:36:00.002-05:00

We've been in the car for about 12 hours now. We have 2 hours to go. Highlights thus far:

Bella saying "We're almost there!" an hour into the trip.

She calls Horn Creek "Concrete, Colorado." It's very cute.

We've been talking about getting to see the mountains and getting the girls pumped for it. Bella seemed very concerned about getting her clothes wet and about when she was going to get to put on her swimsuit. It took us a good five hours to figure out she thought we were talking about seeing the fountains, not the mountains.

The girls singing their very own song which included chanting "Booyah" for about 15 minutes.

Bella saying "We're almost there!" six hours into the trip.

"It's the mountains, really the mountains, I'm so excited, it's the mountains!!!" -Bella

Bella: Horn Creek and Colorado don't rhyme. But they do go together though.
Me: That's right. What else goes together?
Bella: uuummm...horses.
Me: What do horses go with?
Bella: Cats. Horses and Cats.
.....?

"Coyeewado!!!" -Sylvia. Every five minutes. The entire trip.

Bella saying "We're almost there!" ten hours into the trip.

Family vacations are great. And with that said, I can see the mountains and the air is already 20 degrees cooler than it is at home. ahhhhhhh.

I'm not good at this.

2011-08-04T07:13:00.001-05:00

I am currently out of town. My sister is in town from Seattle, so it's my whole family. All in one place. It's wonderful.

This trip was planned before Bella came to our house. I wanted her to come, but she couldn't miss her treatments this week because she is going with us to Colorado next week (!) and we have to push off her treatment for that. So, Bella is at a respite home during the day this week, and my husband picks her up after work so that she can have some semblance of consistency and familiarity.

Three weeks ago, in the midst of transition and the stress of figuring out all of Bella's medical details, I couldn't wait for this trip to be here. It felt like the oasis in the desert, if I could just make it to the trip, we'd all make it through all this stress. A week of respite for myself, and also for my daughter who was in a sharing bootcamp of sorts.

So, here we are. Five hours away and surrounded by family, screaming (in a good way) children, and fun outings. We are having a lot of fun. And I love being with my family.
But there is something else there. Something I didn't expect in my anticipation. Something that has grown over the last three weeks.

I miss Bella.
I wish she were here so badly. I wish she were here playing and meeting my family and being attachedtomeatthehip like she is at home.
I'm not good at this being away from her thing.

Bella, you have made your way into my heart.

A weekend on the farm.

2011-07-28T17:34:00.001-05:00

Last weekend we went to visit Brian’s family. His parents live on a farm, and the kids love being able to be outside, go on four wheeler rides, and swing on the porch swing. Bella especially loved getting to ‘listen to the birds,’ so cute.

Helping shuck corn for dinner.

Playing with Grandma Bonnie

This is the part where Sylvia locked herself in the car by herself, tried to buckle herself in, and then started turning the steering wheel. Ornery? Yes.

Mmmmmm….

Naomi is obviously not as entertained by food as Sylvia.

Lots of fun and good food. As Sylvie says, “Grandma and Papa, yeah!”

Always an adventure.

2011-07-28T17:15:00.001-05:00

Sylvia’s had quite the crash course in sharing these past few weeks – but I think that she’s getting the hang of it, and I think we’re all settling into a new normal. Which is good, because it seems Bella will be with us for a while.

She really enjoys stealing my iPhone and taking pictures.

Brian and I had no peace about asking her to move, but we just weren’t sure what to do. The situation really seemed pretty impossible given our family’s life stage right now. The medical side of things is just so intense, and we couldn’t figure out how to make it work with two other little ones. But like I said, we had no peace.

We prayed about it. A lot. We weren’t sure how we were going to do it, but we were pretty sure that saying no was not the right answer. We decided to try to make it work, and see what God had in mind in telling us not to give up.

I find pictures like this on it all. the. time.

The very next day we got a call from the hospital telling us that they could set us up with a home health nurse who could come to our house to do all of her labs.

We also have a resource family worker that is willing to do almost anything to provide us with support. She’s really great.

On top of all of that we were (finally) given a solid outline of her treatment schedule from here on out. She has treatment every ten days until the beginning of September – and then she only has it once per month! Doable. She has one or two labs between each treatment, but those can be done at our house.

Last, but not least, the caseworker set up visits for treatment days, so a family member will be there for her treatments – I take her and pick her up.

Obedience. Provision. God is good.

So, little Bella is a part of our family for some unknown amount of time. Things have been crazy, but also very blessed. For every challenge there is a blessing, and we will only linger on the latter.

I pray so intensely that she can go home safely and in a timely manner. She is homesick like no child I’ve ever seen – which is probably significant.

Until then, a family of five we will be.

tickle, tickle, tickle

2011-07-27T20:38:00.001-05:00

We Become.

2011-07-26T16:22:00.001-05:00

It is always this way. Any time we get a new child placed with us we feel it. I know other foster parents who experience the same thing. It’s the stretch.

When we have a child placed with us, from the very moment that they get to our home we put all we can into loving them, comforting them, soothing and normalizing and acting as a salve on their burned and broken hearts. This is one of the ways that God has chosen to use us, but it is also a way he has chosen to refine us. And being refined is rarely a painless process.

A friend asked me not long ago if it is the same – the feelings you have for ‘your children’ and your foster children. I would say without hesitation that it depends on the child. There are children you connect with and children you don’t. You love them all, but you deep down from-the-bottom-of-your-very-heart-and-soul connect with some. (This may sound terrible to some who haven’t fostered. To them I say: Try fostering.) No matter the connection, at the beginning, there is always the stretch.

It’s the stretch between the children who were already in your home (whether they are there temporarily or forever) and the child who has just been placed with you. It’s a stretch in your heart.

It’s the questions that pester your mind – Is this best for the kids already in our home? Am I taking too much time away from them? Am I going to miss this precious time because of the chaos?

It’s the transition of having a new child in your home. Learning to share with another pair of hands. Sharing mommy, sharing toys, sharing time.

It’s the pull in your heart for something normal. Something not so hard. Something dreamy and perfect. It’s the hurt of not being able to ignore the brokenness of this world.

It’s the worry that you are not enough. There’s not enough of you to go around, not enough love in your heart, not enough patience in your soul.

But always God reminds me that what he calls us to, he has also called our children to, and that this is a part of their journey as well.

We’ve crossed this hump with Bella. We are past the stretch. It seems that it gets a little bit easier with each placement, but I don’t think it will ever be something I don’t struggle with. (This is becoming a novel. If you’ve made it this far, I’m impressed!)

Now we are in the process of becoming. With every placement we become a family all over again. We become sisters and Mamas and Daddies and brothers and cousins and aunts and grandparents. We become support and trust and consistency. And however temporary, we become family.

We are becoming.

(P.S. Bella is staying here. More to come on that.)

Dear Bella,

2011-07-22T07:41:00.001-05:00

Almost without fail, when we have kids placed with us their birthday follows within a week. It makes it difficult to plan much for a day that we want to be so full of joy for them.

Bella had her birthday this week, and although we didn’t have much time to plan, she was clearly overjoyed at the celebration.

Since she hasn’t had time to make friends here yet, we went to our agency’s foster parent support meeting that night so that everyone could sing to her and make a big to do about her birthday. She didn’t know quite what to do when everyone started singing, but she was so tickled.

Birthdays are hard for kids who are in foster care, and it was no different for Bella. We tried calling her mom and dad several times that day and no one answered. Bedtime was so difficult for her, I just laid with her until she fell asleep. But even though it was hard, I think she’ll be able to look back at this birthday with some happy memories, knowing she was loved and celebrated even though she wasn’t home.

3 Months.

2011-07-18T12:49:00.001-05:00

That’s how long you’ve been here with us now, and I can no longer imagine life without you. Although sometimes I do momentarily forget you’re there, because you’re such a content little baby.

I spend all day every day with you, so generally, to me, you don’t seem particularly large or small, you’re just your size. But when I see someone else holding you, I am reminded of what a tiny little baby you are. You are tiny, with petite little features – I think you’ll be little like you’re Mama.

Your eyes are still blue – and I really think they may stay that way. You are beautiful with your dark hair and features and those blue eyes. Makes me nervous for when you’re 16 and the boys start to notice how they stand out against your olive complexion.

You started doing all kinds of things this month (relative to what you could do before, of course). You have started making lots of noises – and I’m not entirely sure you’re not going to be louder than your sister. That’s a feat. You should be proud. You start making sounds and you get really excited and start making them as loud as you can. Luckily, they are almost always happy sounds, and I love to hear them.

You’ve also started laughing. You are already very ticklish, and it’s so fun to make you giggle. Nothing in this world brings me more joy than hearing you and your sister laugh. Nothing. You are a very content little baby and are happy almost all the time.

Rolling over is your other new trick. You have mastered it and are never on your belly for more than a few seconds now. You can take as long as you want to start walking. Really. As long as you want.

You looooovvvveee your sister. Anytime she talks to you you smile. She loves you too. She loves to lay next to you and snuggle you – so much so that I usually upset her by making her stop. This month a new sister joined our family, and you love her too. She talks to you a lot and is a very good big sister.

You’re little personality is starting to shine through and I love watching it. I am trying my very, very hardest to soak you all the way up – but you are growing so fast!

Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you.

Mama

Active and Loud.

2011-07-15T11:25:00.001-05:00

That’s how I make them. Active. Loud.

Most of my friends who are fully seasoned in active kids, meet Sylvia and say,

Holy. Cow.

And she’s as loud as she is active.

And I love it.

It seems her sister may be following in her small footsteps. She’s under three months and already regularly rolling from belly to back in both directions, and as of today, she’s working on rolling from back to belly. She’s in a hurry.

Sylvie took her first steps at 9 months. I think it’s possible that Naomi may have her mind set to do the same.

Anyone who knows Sylvie, knows that she is loud.

Well, Naomi has found her voice, and I think that she may rival her sister. Luckily, she makes happy sounds about 98% of the time.

Should we be worried?

(P.S. How is there not a better version of this on You Tube? Hillarious.)

Fresh Air Fund

2011-07-13T16:01:00.004-05:00

If you live in the North-East, here is a super cool opportunity to serve kids from New York City! I totally wish that they had this program here, we’d be all over it!

It’s called the Fresh Air Fund.

“THE FRESH AIR FUND, an independent, not-for-profit agency, has provided free summer vacations to more than 1.7 million New York City children from low-income communities since 1877. Nearly 10,000 New York City children enjoy free Fresh Air Fund programs annually. In 2010, close to 5,000 children visited volunteer host families in suburbs and small town communities across 13 states from Virginia to Maine and Canada. 3,000 children also attended five Fresh Air camps on a 2,300-acre site in Fishkill, New York. The Fund’s year-round camping program serves an additional 2,000 young people each year.”

The Fresh Air Fund is currently looking for 850 more host families for kids to stay with this summer. The children stay in your home for two weeks at the most, and you help them to have experiences that they probably wouldn’t ever have growing up in the inner city.

These are the areas where they are looking for host families. Is this you? Interested? Check it out!

Her Own.

2011-07-11T16:52:00.001-05:00

“There is an instinct in a woman to love

most her own child -

and an instinct to make any child

who needs her love, her own.”

~Robert Brault

Bella.

2011-07-10T12:29:00.001-05:00

Our newest addition, who I have settled on calling Bella, loves to play outside. I think after being cooped up in the hospital for five days, she was going a bit stir crazy. Every moment she is asking to go out.

I think she spends a lot of time outside when she is at home, and so it makes her feel a little less homesick to be out there. Her sickness also makes her get cold much easier than most, so I think the heat is a welcome reprieve from the air conditioning for her.

So we’ve spent a lot of time at the park the last two days – which doesn’t have Sylvia complaining either!

It seems like typically with kids we have had, with the honeymoon period comes a fake happiness, covering up what they are really feeling. That hasn’t been true this time. Bella is very sad and expresses her feelings pretty openly, which I can only think is good for her.

I wish so badly that she could stay here. We’ve always said that we would never ask a child to leave unless it wasn’t safe for them to be here, either for them or for other children in the home. And really that’s the case here. I am not capable of caring for her long term in the ways she needs while still providing everything that the other children in our home need. I am hopeful that one of her relatives are able to take care of her where she will be comfortable and things would be familiar.

We went out yesterday and got a bunch of pretty new clothes for her and some flip flops, which are by far her favorite purchase. She was excited to pick out a couple of new dresses.

Bed time is the hardest time for her, and for now we have a toddler bed set up in our room so that she can be close to us. Food will be a challenge. The only things she asks for are Pepsi, Pop Tarts, and Frosted Flakes – and really mostly refuses any other food. We got some Frosted Flakes, and I am trying to get some nutrition in her in other ways. Feeding a suppressed immune system sugar will only hurt her little body, so we have to figure out other ways to get her the things her body needs.

Please pray for her.

Between a Rock and a Ridiculously Hard Place.

2011-07-09T10:13:00.001-05:00

We had a little girl placed with us yesterday. She’s 3, and she’s sweet, and she’s beautful, and she’s very, very sick.

When intake called they told us that she was sick. They also told us that she would have treatment at the hospital once every ten days. They also told us that she only had treatment for another 2 months and then she was done. They also told us she could start preschool in January.

Well. actually only one of these things they told us is correct, and that one thing is that she is sick.

We got to the hospital to pick her up and we spoke with the social worker and doctor for a few minutes. They had already told her that she was going home with us. We went in and met her and they started training us on how to care for her.

It wasn’t until the last few minutes of our meeting that they told us the reality of all this. Things we hadn’t been told.

So come to find out, she doesn’t just have treatment once every ten days. She has to go to labs twice per week – which takes a few hours – and she has treatment every ten days – which takes several hours. This all amounts to two to three days in the hospital every week. Also, she has treatment for two more years, not months.

minor details.

I’m not under the impression that this is our agency’s fault in any way – I don’t think the hospital gave them the correct information, or all of the information.

The problem lies in that what we thought we were saying yes to, and what we were really saying yes to are two completely different things. I can be at the hospital one day every ten days, but with having other kids, I cannot be at the hospital two to three days per week. I can’t expect Sylvie to sit in a waiting room for hours three days per week, I don’t have anywhere she can stay for that amount of time – and being away from the girls three out of five days won’t work.

We’ve told the agency that this isn’t something we can do long term. There are a few relatives that we’re hoping pan out in which case she could go there from our house. Otherwise they will have to find another home for her.

I hate that. I hate this situation. If we had only known to begin with, we would have known we weren’t a good match and we would have said no. Now this poor baby girl who is already dealing with so, so much is going to have to move again. I hate it. It’s hard not to feel very frustrated. I know that no one gave misinformation on purpose – but this is a big deal. Let’s get it right.

Please, please pray. Pray for her health, pray for her heart, pray that one of her relatives comes through.

confi·denti·ali·ty:

2011-06-30T09:10:00.001-05:00

I’ve had lots of questions and comments as of late regarding confidentiality. Lines, gray areas, etc. How does your agency define it? What guidelines do you follow?

I posted some of my thoughts on confidentiality here a while back. We went to a foster parent support meeting at our agency that discussed confidentiality, and Brian asked about our blog and any limits we should be keenly aware of. We were told that our blog as it is now is fine, just not to give case specifics, names, you know, social security numbers, that kind of thing.

Confidentiality limits with close family members is another difficult area to navigate. “Yeah, Mom? We’re coming to visit this weekend with three new kids, but can’t tell you a single thing about them.” Could be challenging. Thoughts?

Feel free to leave any tips or thoughts for new or prospective foster parents in the comments, and I also started a new discussion over at Fosterhood’s forum.

P.S. I will try to get caught up on the questions people have sent me about fostering! Since we’ve been a little out of the loop, I let it fall through the cracks – but I’m working on it! If I haven’t answered your question and it’s been a while, please resend it and I’ll answer it this time!

If you have questions about fostering or adopting then you can either e-mail them to me (my e-mail is over there on the right) or you can ask them in the “ask me anything” box over there on the right. See it? Yeah? Ask.

Because the Church has no pinch hitter.

2011-06-21T21:58:00.001-05:00

We must force ourselves to step to the plate.

A family member forwarded me this article, ‘My Take: On Adoption, Christians Should Put Up or Shut Up.’ A lot of what is posted on the Belief Blog I don’t agree with, but this gets a resounding Amen.

Soapbox, please.

When people hear you’re a foster parent, it can spark some interesting conversations. Lots of people give me their two cents on foster care – having no real background – and that’s ok, I like to talk about it, love it actually.

But there are some comments that I think this article responds to very well.

Sometimes I get the:

“You know, there are a lot of people who think that the government shouldn’t even run programs like foster care – that it is the responsibility of the church and therefore should be left to the church.”

I agree. Wholeheartedly. Just one thing. A small detail.

I am ‘the church’. You are ‘the church’.

You are ‘the church’.

So where does that leave us?

Or there is the inevitable conversation about abortion. Outlawing. Picketing. Cutting funds. I can only think of one thing – “So you’re licensing to adopt then? Foster, maybe? For all of those children who have nowhere to go?” There will be thousands, and

I am ‘the church’. You are ‘the church’.

You are ‘the church’.

So where does that leave us?

There are lots of reasons not to foster. There are lots of reasons not to adopt. I am not saying that everyone should do either. But I don’t say that to let anyone off the hook either. Because the reality is that

I am the church. You are the church.

We are ‘the church’.

What’s crazy is that Jesus meant what he said. We’re talking the Son of GOD here, there are no suggestions. And the repercussion of true belief is action. Let’s step up to the plate. Following through on what we believe is not always easy, but it is always a blessing.

I don’t post this out of a heart that thinks I’ve got no hypocritical blind spots. I know that I do, and I pray that if my brothers and sisters in Christ see a blind spot of mine, that they would show me, and encourage me to live what I say I believe.

Because we are ‘the church’.

Two Months.

2011-06-19T15:07:00.001-05:00

I love you.

And to be honest, at this point in your life, you pretty much love me too. Of course, I’ve got the mama milk, so I have an unfair advantage. Speaking of mama milk, you’re starting to get a little baby chub, which only makes you cuter. I can count the number of times you have spit up on one hand, which is really great – but somehow every time you eat you manage to get us both soaked in milk – we could work on that. It seems you might keep your blue eyes – they only seem to be getting lighter. How I ended up with two blue eyed girls is beyond me. You’re hair seems to be staying dark, though. You’re sister is practically a blonde now, but I think you’ve got your Mommy’s hair – and lots (lots.) of it.

Post bath. Once I start taking pictures of you, I think you get weirded out by the camera and you just make funny faces. So I guess you’ll just make silly faces in all of your infant pictures.

You have been such an easy baby. And you are sooooo happy. You are smiley all of the time (mostly for Mommy and Sylvie, but that’s ok, you’ll be a Daddy’s girl soon enough.). You’ve started cooing and making a sound that sounds kind of laugh-ish. I love it when you coo at me, and Sylvie says "Naomi talkin’!”.

I think you love your sister most of all. That is, when she’s not smothering you or bludgeoning you with toys. She tries. And she really does love you. You smile any time she talks to you, and you can’t take your eyes off of her. You two will be sweet friends.

My very favorite part of the day is snuggling up with you to sleep. I love sleeping with you, and I’m pretty sure you love it too. I lay you down in the bed at night while I get ready for bed, and when you see that I’m laying down with you, you start making noise and breathing faster – you just can’t wait! I think you’ve got snuggling in your blood, just like me.

You also met your uncle Scott for the first time when you turned two months old. You like him so much you try to eat him up.

I cannot believe you are two months old. Sometimes I forget you won’t be a baby forever – and then I look at your sister. I am trying my best to soak you up – but it would work better if you wouldn’t grow so fast. I love you more than you will ever know.

Love you, love you, love you,

Mama.

What better reason…

2011-06-13T10:38:00.001-05:00

to go get a frosty this weekend!!!!

…as if you needed a reason…

Faux-cation Part 2.

2011-06-10T13:46:00.001-05:00

Hangin’ at the pool,

Desy was unsuspectingly getting decorated while he slept. The hazard of having lots of girl cousins.

The second half of our week we road tripped back home and had fun here…

Of course, on our way home we had to stop by Mizzou and introduce our daughters to the splendor that is everything gold and black.

We had to visit Gumby’s Pizza while we were there. (Had to meaning: Mommy can’t go through Columbia without it.)

Naomi obviously approves.

Sylvia also approved

of Gumby’s….and of Daddy.

Got lots of yard work done (thank you Grandma and Grandpa!)

Ready for summer.

We went to the fountains downtown – Sylvia had so much fun! She never actually got into the sprays, but she played around the edges and loved watching the big kids!

Faux-cation 2011 was an absolute success.

Yes, yes, yes, No.

2011-06-07T13:30:00.001-05:00

Any foster parent who’s been fostering for any time at all has had the same experience.

Intake calls with a placement that seems almost too well suited for your family. A perfect fit, as much as there can be in foster care. You say yes. Everything’s a go. Bringing the kids in an hour. Start rearranging your bedrooms.

They call back. Ummm…well, actually, nevermind.

Yuppers. We got a call the other night for a two year old girl. No siblings, mother in the area, just coming into care. We were really excited and started to prepare our hearts to love her the best we possibly could.

Turned out they didn’t have a piece of paperwork that they needed to place with our agency. Boo. We were disappointed, but mostly were just praying they’d find a good, loving home for that little girl. Not in the plans for us.

So we’re waiting again. You’d think I’d get used to all this. Not that it hasn’t gotten much easier – it’s just still not easy. I just wish I could stop myself from getting my hopes up!

Anyone who has fostered for any time at all also knows what I’m talking about when I say I’m getting antsy. I try so hard not to – just to be present and soak up the way things are now. But it’s like a jolt of adrenaline through my veins each time the phone rings …. Is our whole life about to change?

But, soon enough, things will change. Soakin’ up these two loves I’ve got here with me until they do.

20 Months.

2011-06-06T21:06:00.001-05:00

It seems a little ridiculous to write a 20 month post. I know that. But you are at such a great age, and you’re learning so much. I don’t want to forget.

You are talking like crazy. All of a sudden, you get it, and you are stringing together two and three words regularly. My favorite phrase, of course, being “Wud you Mommy”. You refer to yourself as ‘Yaya’ – "Yaya’s water? Elmo loves Yaya.”.

Sylvia: Urse? (asking to nurse.)

Mommy: No, you can’t nurse right now. It’s Naomi’s turn right now.

Sylvia: Urse, Please? Yaya’s turn?

You’ve also added phrases to your vocabulary such as, “No, no Bucko!” and “No way Jose!”, it’s very cute. When you want me to play with you you say, “Mommy with you. Come. (you lead me into the playroom) Sit.”

You mimic everything. Which is sometimes kind of unfortunate, but can also be hilarious. You now call your dad and I Brian and Maggie on occasion because you hear us calling each other by name.

You can mostly count to ten by yourself. I usually have to give you four and seven, but other than that you can do it all on your own! Maybe numbers will be your thing, just like your Daddy. If I say a letter, you usually respond by saying the letter that comes next in the alphabet, but we’ve not made much progress on your ‘abc’s’.

You still love to play with your babies, and you love to diaper them. Anytime you see a used diaper you say, “Oooohh Weee! Yuuucckkkyyy! Peeee UUUUU!” You also still love to read books, and now you have several of them memorized enough that you tell me what each page is about.

You pretend to sing the songs that Daddy and I sing you, which is adorable. You sing ‘Jesus Loves Me' or ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It’ to Naomi all the time. Speaking of Naomi, you loooovvvee her. When she cries you say, “Naomi sad. It’s ok, Naomi.” You worry about her when you think she’s upset, and you always want to know where she is. She loves you too, of course. She smiles at you any time you try to entertain her.

It’s so much fun to watch you learn. It seems like you remember everything you see, it’s incredible to see how quickly you pick things up. You’re starting to look like a little girl, slowly losing your baby-ness. It makes me sad, but also makes me so excited to see who you will be at two, and three, and four…

I love you, you are so sweet.

But right now you want me to put some clothes on your baby doll, so I suppose I should go.

Love you, love you, love you,

Mommy

Faux-cation Part 1.

2011-06-03T16:14:00.001-05:00

Brian is switching jobs (starting the new one as of Monday) and he took this week off in between employers for a little family time. While we are seriously lacking any funds to do a ‘real vacation’ this week, we were determined to make it a fun week anyway!

We spent the first half of the week in my hometown, having fun with Nana and Grandpa and going to fun places created for frugal, penny pinching folks like us.

P.S. I decided to do this post in two parts because I knew I’d have a bajillion pictures that I’d want to post. So if you’re not a Popp or a Reed, you’ll probably be insanely bored about half way through this post. You’ve been warned.

Nana and her babies.

A bath time pic. Just cause it’s cute.

Collecting rocks with Grandpa.

Sylvia, obviously thrilled about our quality time. I see the teen years written all over that face.

Lots of trips to the park. Lots of swinging.

Nature walks full of discovery.

Our monkey on a trip to the Zoo.

Riding on the train at the Zoo. Very exciting.

On the Carousel!

We ate lots of ice cream on our trip.

Anytime Naomi cries Sylvie says, “Naomi sad.” Naomi’s sad? Here, have a thumb to suck on.

This week’s been a blast so far. More to come!

Today, on your third birthday.

2011-05-27T15:15:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it? I can't. X-man is three years old today.

Happy birthday little man. Or not so little anymore. I wonder what you look like now.

People ask me pretty regularly how hard it is to say goodbye when kids leave our home. My mind immediately goes to X-man, and I answer, "Excruciating." But not a 'I would never do that ever again' kind of excruciating. It's more of a 'I can't believe I had the opportunity to love you that much' kind of excruciating.

X-man, I think about you all the time. Really. A lot. I think about where you may be. I think about what you may look like. I think about all the things you've probably learned. I worry about you. I worry about you a lot. I think about whether you ended up with blonde hair, or if it turned out kind of red. I wonder if you still have that concerned look on your face. I wonder who is being your Daddy. I wonder what makes you giggle now. I want to give you a hug. I pray for you like crazy. I miss you.

Maybe we'll see each other again. If we do I'll give you a third birthday present. I pray if we see each other again that it's by chance, and that everything is going beautifully living with your Mom. I pray things turned around and that you all are doing great, and that she is loving you and your brothers to pieces.

In my mind you'll always be 1 1/2 and you'll giggle when I tickle your knees. Your legs will always look like little sausages and you'll smell like a mixture of pediasure and baby shampoo (I love it.).

I hope I see you again. I hope I recognize you. I hope all you remember about foster care is our love.

A well. A building. A baby.

2011-05-20T15:54:00.001-05:00

I haven’t posted much about Samaritan Village lately. I think this is approximately where I left off:

We are members of the board of directors, and are working with them to get through some kinks in the structure of the organization so that they are in a place where they can send a couple of American’s over to serve. (us?) Not sure how long this will take – God’s speed. When we get to that place, we’ll see if it is us he will send, or someone else! In the meantime, we’re serving in the way that we see God putting in front of us!

We are working on building a second orphanage about two hours away from the current orphanage. This orphanage came about because a woman came from the area (bringing twins to leave at the orphanage.) and explained that there were lots of children dying in her area because they were being abandoned. So : orphanage number two. This orphanage is in Mwanga. Very exciting.

Anyway…

Yesterday we got a phone call from the president of the organization to let us know that someone in California made a very large donation to the organization with the intent to dig the well for the second orphanage, and to build the first building there! Praise God! So, overnight we went from wondering how God was going to provide for us to build the second orphanage, to having a good portion of it covered! This came among several other answered prayers regarding the Mwanga orphanage – what a blessing.

Well: Check.

Primary Building: Check.

Other news on the Samaritan Village front: A new baby was brought to the Arusha orphanage yesterday!

Adorable.

He was found abandoned about 4 kilometers outside of the city. Amazingly, he was found in generally good health at the hospital before he was taken to the orphanage. They think he is approximately 11 months old (he’ll be assigned a ‘birthdate’). He’s not been given a name just yet.

If you could send up a prayer for this little guy, I think he’ll probably have a rough couple of weeks. Luckily he’s got lots of loving Mamas to take care of him at Samaritan Village!