November 10, 2009

My Ugly Heart.

Isn't it beautiful how God gives us small reminders of our ugly hearts just when we need them, only to fill them with beauty for his glory? I need them so often. I hate the ugliness that creeps up in my heart when I'm not paying close enough attention. This morning I was reminded by a devotion out of My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers:

After sanctification, it is difficult to state what you purpose in life is, because God has moved you into His purpose through the Holy Spirit. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself, thinking, "God has called me for this and for that," you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God's interests. This can only be accomplished by giving up all of your personal plans once and for all, and by allowing God to take you directly into His purpose for the world. Your understanding of your ways must also be surrendered, because they are now the ways of the Lord.
I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all he asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say "Lord, this causes me such heartache." To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. Doing this creates for me my own cozy "world within the world," and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being "frost-bitten."

November 9, 2009

The X-man, the Sylvie girl, and the Popp home.

Our home is so full of joy. I can't really imagine anything else I'd rather be doing that being a mama to these two. Motherhood was something I had to grow into with Mena and Cassandra. It wasn't something that felt so natural, or completely fulfilling to begin with. But as God has worked in my heart, and opened my eyes, I can see there is nothing else more important than loving these kids. And I love it.
The X- man had court at the end of last week. The boys will start having visits with their mom (not a huge fan of this...) and dad is still out of the picture (thank goodness.). The state brought out pictures of X when they first picked him up from his home. Our caseworker said that they were so disturbing that she refused to look at them. I'm so glad we didn't have to see. Several things happened at court, but most importantly the court ordered that X-man be moved into his brother's foster home as quickly as possible. They stated that with the progress he's made that there is no reason for them not to be living together anymore. This is such a huge blessing for him. With that said, we are severely going to miss this little guy. He has brought light and joy to our home, and we love him so very much. We're hoping that we will be able to provide respite for his new foster home occasionally, so we will still get to see him. He has such a beautiful soul, and I know God has something huge planned for his life, his life that really only started a couple of months ago.
Sylvia had her one month doctor's appointment. She is a whopping 9 pounds and is 22 1/4 inches long! She's growing so fast! She's smiling a lot now, and has just started making noises other than crying - which always earns an 'awww' or an 'ooooh' around here. We're pretty much in love with her.
With X-man getting ready to leave, we are in prayer about what God would have for us next. We are considering only doing respite and emergency placements for a couple of months before taking another long term placement. However, I also want us to search our hearts on our motivation to do so. It would be nice to have a little bit of a quiet break, some more time for just Brian and I....but with the wrong motivation, these are very selfish reasons to take a break. I don't want to place our own wants before what God has put before us. So, we will keep praying - and if I have any guesses on God's plan for our family, we will have another little one shortly.

Prayer would be greatly appreciated right now.
-For X-man, his heart, the move, his transition, the case, and the wisdom of the caseworkers involved.
-For God to continue to refresh mine and Brian's hearts even when it hurts to say goodbye to our kids. That we would be prepared to love the next little one that will come to us just as much as we have loved before.
-For wisdom to know where to go from here - what is best for our family, but more importantly what is best for God's family.


The name Esther suits her well. :)


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