Why Foster?

Good Info to Have:

The Licensing Interview Process

I have gotten LOTS of e-mails and questions about the licensing process – more specifically about the interview/homestudy process.  Let me begin with:

 

Take a deep breath.  It’s not as scary as you would think.  They know that no one is perfect (or normal for that matter) and when they come to your home they are not going to notice your baseboards, the film on the inside of your microwave, the boogers your son wiped under the edge of the table, or even that huge pile of laundry you’re afraid they may drown in.

 

questions, questions.

When you are filling out your profile, homestudy, whatever-they-call-it-in-your-state thingy – really just be honest.  Unless you admit to something that would endanger a child, they’re not going to freak out.  They might ask you questions about a few answers that they are not clear on – but when your palms get sweaty, just remind yourself that they are just doing their job.  On our profile it asked what each of us does when we get angry.  Brian really rarely gets upset.  However, he answered that when he does, that he throws things (yeah, how’s that for a pc answer on a fostering profile?).  Our worker questioned us on it, and I (while elbowing him for writing that – who writes that????) explained that what he meant was that when he gets mad while he’s watching sports – really the only time he gets mad- he throws his hat on the floor out of frustration. 

So even if you write something totally dumb on your profile – it’s probably going to be ok.

 

holy roller.

I’ve also been asked whether or not to be forthcoming about religious affiliations.  Brian and I were honest about our faith, and the role it had in us becoming foster parents.  As long as you are willing to be accepting of older children’s decisions on religion (that, or not take children with different beliefs) then it’s generally not an issue.  So just be honest.

 

spring cleaning.

Most of my good friends will tell you that I go on a cleaning rampage when it comes time for us to re-license.  But it is definitely because I’m a neat-freak under stress, and definitely not because they expect your house to sparkle.  In fact, if you have kids, they might be a little more skeptical if they walk in and your house looks like no one actually lives in it – your house is supposed to be messy when you have kids, and they know that.

 

red tape.

When it comes to licensing regulations, just make sure you’ve read through them, and that you’ve completed as much as you know to.  You can always call your agency to ask questions.  The regs are something that they are actually pretty sticky about.  We’ve not been through a licensing/relicensing where we weren’t cited for something.  But they will tell you what is wrong, and you have time to fix it.  For initial licensing, it will speed up the process if you have everything taken care of though.

 

mental health or past abuse.

I’ve gotten a lot of questions regarding how the agency will react to former mental health diagnoses, or abuse that a potential foster parent was subject to earlier in life.  These things do not automatically disqualify you to be a foster parent!  It is important to be honest about them, and they will most likely ask you a couple of non-intrusive questions about it.  They just want to make sure that these things have been processed and handled in such a way that they will not interfere with your ability to parent the children who come into care.

 

 

 

I know there are other questions people had – but I’m having a hard time remembering them all!  If you have questions about the licensing process, just leave it in the comments, or e-mail me and I’ll be happy to help in any way I can!

Why Foster?

Good Info to Have:

Adoption Through Foster Care I

I’ve gotten a lot of questions from people who are either pursuing adoption through foster care, or are interested in it.  I’m not a total wealth of information on this topic – I worked as a caseworker for children in care, not as an adoption worker – but I will answer the questions that I can, with the information I have, and maybe point you in the right direction of who to ask for further explanation.

Because I’ve gotten so many e-mails and questions about this, I’ll likely do a few posts on it over time.  I’ll start by letting you know that   I’m a huge proponent for adopting through the foster care system…but you probably could have guessed that.  Adopting privately is also awesome, and is very needed.  Foster kids are just my heart, and given the chance, I’ll advocate for them!

Let’s get to the questions.

Cost.

I’ve gotten several questions about the cost of adoption through foster care.  I only have experience in two different states, so you’ll have to check with your own state’s guidelines – but in my experience:

there is no cost.

This surprises a lot of people.  Particularly because adoption through agencies or internationally is so darn expensive.  However, if you adopt through foster care, the state generally takes care of most everything.  If you are licensed through the state, they pay for your home study, your attorney, and your legal fees – and said licensing is free as well.  Also, you develop what is called an adoption subsidy to cover some future costs that you may need assistance with.  This can include, but is not limited to:  daycare, medical insurance/care, any therapy needed, and any residential care needed. Also – you continue to get the monthly subsidy as adoptive parents that you would get as foster parents.  (Some states do this in a lump sum.)  This is all to help people adopt who may be financially strained.  And in the case you’re not, this is a great start to a college fund.

So, there you have it.  Adoption through foster care generally costs nothing.  So, now click here and go change someone’s life.  Check out these beautiful kids.  They need you.

(Again, I have experience in two states, but laws and guidelines vary from state to state.  If you’re interested, please contact your local state foster care agency to get more specific information.  Please feel free to e-mail me or leave a comment with any other questions, I’ll try my best to get you the answer or point you in the right direction!)

Links:

Foster Care Adoption

Kids Who Need To Be Adopted

Why Foster?

I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails as of late asking me questions about fostering, the process, challenges we face, and about our personal experience. I figure that it would be easier for me to answer some of these questions openly on the blog so that if there are others with the same questions, they can read too! Enter: the weekly Why Foster?. Once a week I’ll either answer a question that I’ve received, talk about reasons that people shy away from fostering, or give you a good reason that you should foster (I’m good at this one!). So….here it goes.

Get Involved.

Reason 286:

The latest numbers show that at any given time there are approximately 510,000 children in foster care. About 51% of those kids are likely to be in foster care for more than a year. That means that at any given time, there are half of a million children experiencing the worst year of their entire lives. They feel alone, confused, sad, angry. Some of these kids will go to homeless shelters because the foster care agency cannot find an open foster home for them. Homeless shelters. For children. By themselves. Another handful of these kids will go to foster homes that don’t really care. I worked in the system, and I saw these foster home more often than not. Foster homes that are ‘in it for the money’ or have become so jaded that they cannot offer love. Homes that I would not want to live in.

One of my very favorite quotes is from a book called “Turning Stones” by Marc Parent. As a social worker in New York he says:

You hear about children falling through the cracks in the system. Let me tell you something: there is no system, there are only people – children don’t fall through cracks, they fall through fingers. The person who says “fell through the cracks in the system” is really saying that someone blew it and that the blame is going to be spread so broadly that accountability will fall to no one.

In opposition to the foster care system, I often hear people say that the government should not be responsible for foster care or for taking care of these children. And they are right. We should be responsible. You and I. And these kids, they’re falling through our fingers.

I realize this is an intense post. I’m not writing this to make anyone feel guilty. Just to open eyes to the need, and the hurt, and the reality. I also realize that not everyone is called to fostering. But I don’t say that to let you off the hook.

What an awesome opportunity to serve. What a blessing to get to be a part of these children’s lives. Don’t ask yourself if it would be comfortable. Because it won’t be. Don’t ask yourself if it would be convenient. Because it won’t be. Don’t ask yourself if it will be easy. Because it won’t be. DO ask yourself if you want to make change for the good, if you want to help kids who don’t know love, if you want to share the love you have.

Cause there’s no doubt you have love to give.

(Again, I realize that fostering is not for everyone. It is just in my soul to advocate for these kids. If you have questions about fostering, or something you would like me to talk about on the blog, please don’t hesitate to comment or to e-mail me – I’m happy to answer any questions I can! )

In Confidence...

I've gotten a few e-mails as of late about confidentiality and limits on the blog. This is a great question.
Until fairly recently, the only people who read our blog were family and very close friends - people who knew our kids anyway. So I wasn't super concerned regarding confidentiality, their names, their pics...etc. With X-man I used a nickname for his safety and for ours - it was just one of those cases.
Because there are a lot of people reading now who would not otherwise know our kids, beginning with our next placement I will be much more careful about keeping their identities more anonymous. I'll continue to use nicknames, and I will also do some sort of pixelization (word? probably not.) of their photos. That way I can still post them, but they are not so recognizable.
Confidentiality is really important, for the respect of the children and families, and sometimes for the safety of the children or foster families (like in X-man's case).

Thanks so much for the questions - via e-mail or comments - and keep 'em coming. I'm so happy to answer any questions that I can, or to offer other resources that I know of.

Also, I wanted to say thank you so much for all of your kind words, comments, and prayers. They really do mean so much. I love reading your comments, and I've been so blessed by your care and concern for our family. I pray that God is glorified.

Thank you.