It happens every year, so I’m not sure why I let it surprise me.
The stores start playing Christmas music.
We put up our Christmas tree.
Lights are on the houses all around us (but not ours, because seriously, where do people find the time!?!).
And it’s like a cue is given, it’s like a switch is flipped, and our sweet girls and their broken hearts start to bleed again. With the music, with the lights, with the tree, and with the traditions, it’s like their scabs are peeled back, exposing the hurt again.
So every year, as we usher in the holidays, we also usher in dis-regulation and regression.
Every Christmas is hard for our girls. They are clearly confused by their feelings and revert back to an instant fear response.
BUT, I can also see growth each year. As they look to us with increasing confidence for their comfort, and as our trust and love grows stronger – their hurt does not diminish, but now we can be their safe place. We are praising God for growth.
This year we see the regression.
But this year we also see trust. We see the girls looking forward with excitement to our family Christmas. Their family Christmas.
It will always be hard. We are not their first family, we are not their only family, but it is clear in the joy in their eyes, that we are their family.
With that in mind, I am looking forward to this Christmas season. Dis-regulation and all.