To the Mamas of my babies on Mother's Day

  These babies of yours, they are amazing.  But mama, so are you.  I have watched, and watch you now fighting, striving, trying to pull at bootstraps that you were never given but someone told you are there.  

  I hurt for you.  I cry out for you each day.  I struggle not to scream about how unfair it is - how the discrepancy in where we started, in the lives we were given is criminal.  How because of all of that, these babies are in my arms today and not yours.  I hate it.  I hate it for our babies and I hate it for you.  The brokenness is just too much sometimes and everything inside of me wishes it could be different - that today you could feel these arms around your neck.

  

  To my girls Mama, I want you to know that I don't take it for granted and that I think about you every day.  We talk about you all the time and I will go to my grave telling these sweet souls how much you love them and how brave you were that day that I sat next to you in that court room.

  To the mama of this sweet little boy with cheeks that jiggle and a heart so sweet, I will champion you and root for you and fight for you forever.  No matter what happens in this case, this sweet little boy will always know how much you love him, how hard you are working for him, and the look in your eye when you see him.  Let's get this sweet boy home to you. 

  I wish with all of my being that today I could give you the cards, the snuggles, the sweet love.  I wish I could wave my wand and make the brokenness heal, the inequalities level, and the challenges slow.  What I will give you today, for Mother's Day, is my support.  I promise to always be a voice for you in your children's lives.  I promise to always be there in any way that I can to help you to triumph over the barrage of constant struggle.  I promise to pray for you every day when I am reminded by a hug or a funny nine year old joke that they are not only mine, and that they were yours first.

We love you Mamas.  And you will always be the first mamas.  Happy Mother's Day.

But I Could Never!!

I will be the very first to tell you that not every single person should foster or adopt.  Would I encourage you to look into it?  Well....of course. Would I encourage you by telling you that if God can use us in this way - he could use anyone in this way?  Yes.  I also realize that God doesn't call us all to the same things, and that is part of the beautiful story that God has crafted.
  With that said, I pretty frequently hear from people who would love to help out the families who are in the foster care system but who can't foster or adopt (right now anyway ;) ).  

  So, you can't foster, you can't adopt....what can you do?

So many things.

1.  Love on foster parents.  

     You know that foster family in your neighborhood who just took two kids in addition to

     the four they already had?  The family that has a smile on their face all the time when 

     you see them?  The ones that you told, "I just don't know how you do it??"  Neither do 

     they.  They are tired.  They are probably struggling with the behaviors of their kids.  

     They are frequently feeling defeated and overwhelmed.  You could be the answer to 

     their prayers.  Make them a meal once a week.  Offer to pick up some laundry.  

     Surprise them with a care package.  Take them out for coffee.  

     Several years ago when we were in a super hard place people did this for us.  They did 

     our laundry, they watched our kids, they cleaned my house while I was gone, they 

     listened to the hard stuff - and I can completely honestly say - that is why Bella is my

     daughter right now.  That is what got us through.

2.  Provide short term respite.

     So maybe you can't have kids placed with you full time.  You travel.  You are super

     busy.  That seems scary.  That circus and those monkeys - they can't belong belong

     to you.  But - maybe sometimes, just once or twice a year, you could have a couple

     of kids come stay with you just for a weekend.  Maybe you could give a foster parent

     just a couple of days to get their feet back under them.  By providing that respite, you

     could be the difference between a placement disrupting, or the foster parents having 

     the breather they need to make just a little bit longer.  And also, can I just say that 

     when we did respite we loovvveedd it.  You get to be the cool aunt or uncle.  It's all 

     fun (I mean...mostly).

3.  Mentoring.

     Similar to providing respite - offering to be a mentor for a kiddo can provide a little

     break for the foster family, while also providing that child with another stable, healthy

     relationship.  Tutor them, take them out for ice cream, go to the park, just hang out 

     and be an ear that isn't foster mom and dad.  This can be so huge for a kid.  So huge.

4.  Become a CASA.

     CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate.  In some states CASA serves as the

     child's guardian ad litem (their attorney) and in some states they are simply an extra 

     advocate - but in both situations I have found them extremely helpful.  If I could have 

     CASA on every case that we take, I would.  As a CASA volunteer you visit the kids in 

     their foster home, serve as part of the team that advocates for the child, and report 

     your thoughts to the court at hearings as part of what determines where the case

     is headed.  

5.  Safe Families.

     Ok, I realize this doesn't seem wholly different from fostering, but bear with me.  Safe

     Families works with families that are at risk for having children removed and put in 

     foster care.  However, all families that are involved are self referred.  There are a lot

     of ways to serve these families that Safe Families is helping.  One way is to become a

     host family.  While this might not seem soooo different from fostering, there are a 

     couple of things to note.  When you take a child through Safe Families you sign a 

     contract for how long you will have the children.  This is wildly different from 

     fostering where you have no idea if you will have the children for a week or three 

     years.  Safe Families also has a built in support system that can help the host family.  

     This is done via Resource Families and Family Friends.  Both of these are also 

     volunteer opportunities.  Resource families provide physical necessities for the host 

     family and/or birth family.  Beds, clothes, meals, etc.  Family friends are more of a 

     support to the birth family, and provide relationship and assistance.  Take them out to 

     coffee, give them a ride to an interview, call and check in about how things are going.

     I love this organization, and I'd be happy to answer questions about it.  I'll stop, 

     because I could go on forever.  

6.  Ministry.  

     Find a foster and adoptive ministry near you - in your church, in a nearby church, 

     through a not for profit - and ask how you can help out.  I can guarantee you they will

     have things for you to do.  :)  Support the kids by helping the ministry run events, 

     support groups, and trainings.

I could probably keep coming up with this stuff all day.  In the interest of your time I'll stop - but seriously, if you have any questions, please let me know - I would be super happy to help - because we are not all called to foster, but we are all called to serving, advocating for, and loving the vulnerable.