Starting from the Middle.

Starting from the middle is strange. I think that when you have a baby there are expected feelings, emotions, attachments, and things that people expect from you as well. When you start in the middle there are not expectations. There are no books on how to start raising a child at nine months, or at seven years. There are lots of adoption books, but this is not adoption.

I'm not even sure how to write about the feelings. And everyone seems to have all of the answers, (Not that I'm not very thankful for advice...goodness knows that I need it!!!) but they are not answers for this. They are answers for starting at the beginning. It is difficult that no one we know has this experience, so that we can get answers - or at least dialogue - from people who know this starting in the middle kind of challenge.

Anyway, what I do know is that I am so thankful to our creator that He is always there. That He understands and knows each situation, each person, each heart. It helps with the lonely nature of trekking on different ground. He knows my heart, and my feelings even when I cannot put them into words. Thank you Lord, for that companionship.
What I also know is that when Mena sees me coming to get her up from her nap and squeals with a toothy grin on her face, or when she is upset and I am the only one that can console her, and when Cassandra comes to our bed in the morning to snuggle, that He puts in my heart a love for these girls. These girls that may be with us for a very short while, or for a very long time. Only He knows.