Processing.

  Let’s see.  Where to start?

 

Well, I caught the Virus From the Bowels of Hades *VFBH* (that’s the proper name.  or maybe just what I call it.  It is definitely the appropriate name.).  You know how lovingly children share their germs.  If we could universalize their willingness to share germs, our lives would be so much easier. 

Anyway – I had the VFBH for approximately 11 days.

Holy. Cow.

High fevers upwards of 103.  My entire mouth swelled up.  I couldn’t eat.  For 11 days.  Have you ever had to drink Ensure?  Avoid it. 

We got the VFBH from Bella.  That’s one of those nuggets that people rarely share about fostering.  Kids coming from *less than ideal* environments can bring all kinds of *less than ideal* ailments with them.  Lice, scabies, thrush, random rashes, VFBH’s.  Sometimes they’re just part of it – and life goes on.

But I’m pretty sure that if I had taken a picture of my mouth last week and posted it on the blog   …..   you would never ever foster.  So I won’t.

In other news, we are in the thick of processing all  that is going on with Bella.

Recently she’s started role playing her situation while she and Sylvia are playing pretend.

She role plays that she has a meeting to go to and that at the meeting they are going to decide if she can go home.

She role plays that she is going on an overnight visit and explains to Sylvia how much she will miss her while she is gone.

She role plays that she is going to court and that the judge has to make big decisions.

It breaks my heart to hear her.  She should be pretending to be a Mommy cuddling her baby.  She should be pretending to go to work, or pretending that she’s going grocery shopping, or pretending that she’s going somewhere with her friends.  Instead she’s pretending things that she shouldn’t even be able to imagine, things much too big for her four year old little mind.

But, I also know that this is how she is processing what is happening, and that it is good for her to work through these situations in her mind.  For her to be able to imagine an end to her situation, and for her to be able to try to make sense of everything that is happening.  When she’s playing pretend is the only time that she has to have any control over what is happening to her at all.

 

She’s also started asking questions about what will happen to me and Sylvia when she goes home.  As a foster parent it is difficult - I rarely have much more information than she does (which is ridiculous.) – and so answering her questions is usually just some vague bs’ing done in such a way as to aid her healing rather than open fresh scabs.  I pray that we’ll be able to stay in contact when she goes home, and that we’ll be able to serve her family in whatever ways we can to benefit Bella.  We’ll see.

They’ve started having visits in her home, which makes everything about 200% more difficult.  It is a necessary step toward going home, but I wish they would wait until reunification is imminent.  Emotionally this wrecks her.  She pays an emotional toll for it all week long, which means that we do to.  We’ve been dealing with pretty significant defiance and tantrums that are obviously triggered by the visits. 

Foster care and reunification is always a catch 22 it seems.

Her treatment is going wonderfully.  She’s healthy as can be, which is no small blessing.  Seeing how her health has turned around since she’s come to us makes me ache inside at the thought of her returning to an environment that was keeping her sick. 

 

Anyway – long and boring post, but wanted to get a brief update posted.

 

Always so much to process.  Always.