I’ve been a little bogged down as of late with the constant change inherent in this journey we’re on. It’s part of being a foster parent, but sometimes it weighs on my soul.
Bella’s going home in six weeks.
Bella’s not going home.
Up for adopting four kids?
Bella’s going home in eight weeks.
Setting up visits for the four kids we’re adopting.
Crap hits the fan in Bella’s case.
Bella’s not going home.
Relative surfaced. Have to wait to hear before knowing if we can adopt.
Bella’s visits are drastically shortened.
Just Joking. You’re not adopting four kids.
Bella’s visit is cancelled.
Can Bella’s sister move in with you?
Mental prep for the possibility of Bella’s case going to adoption.
Throw in visits. She’s here, she’s gone, she’s here, she’s gone.
Trying to figure out when we’re going to move. Yes. MOVE.
This is a sampling, just a sampling.
To be honest, sometimes I just want to quit it all. Have a normal life (whatever that means) where we just parent our kids, volunteer some at church, go to work, have a ten year plan (heck, a five year plan would be nice). Because it wears on me, and it’s hard.
But, I really, truly believe that most anything worth doing is hard.
And I’m not convinced that in light of eternity, that a ten year plan is really what God has in mind for us, His children.
Then, this morning, as I was doing my quiet time, I read this out of My Utmost for His Highest:
“Our natural inclination is to be so precise – trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next – that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life – gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task he has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises.
….We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. When we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in – but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.”
Normal is not his calling on our lives. Unknown is inherent in a life following hard after Christ. Lord, help me to live in gracious uncertainty, with joyful expectancy. And thank you for being certain.