The beginning of the end.

 

 

Bella had a hospital appointment today where she got a lumbar puncture and very heavy chemo treatment.

 

For the last time.

 

wait.  wait, let me type that again.  It feels so good.

 

For the last time.

 

Over two years of treatment.  Over a year and a half of it with us.

 

The last time that my sweet girl has to be brave while they put a needle in her spine.  This is the last week that she has to follow up a heavy treatment with strong steroids that change her entire personality.  This is the last time that she has to get nervous before going to the hospital.  This is the last time that her treatment will make her feel really awful. 

I’m crying typing this.  I’m not a crier. 

I am just so thankful.

She is so brave.  She has been so brave.

But I don’t want her to have to be brave anymore.  I want her to be able to be five years old.  I want the hospital to be somewhere we only have to go when her sister sticks gum wrappers up her nose.  I don’t want her to have to take ungodly amounts of medicine every night.  I want her to feel good.  I want her to be free to be five.

And this is the beginning.

One month from today is her last appointment where she will be on chemo (home administered.).  After that we’ll have follow up appointments, but no more meds.  One less thing for her to be worried about, for her to have to think about, to weigh on her little mind that is so much older than her five years should allow.

One month and three days from today is the trial.  We are hoping and praying that this trial frees her and Tootaw from foster care.  Frees them to heal.  Frees them from anxiety and worry.  To just let them be.

 

This is the beginning.  The beginning of the end.

 

Thank you Jesus.  For so long the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so far away.  Life does not always look the way we want it to, and even then He is our rock.  But this time it does.

He is our healer.  He has healed.

He is our provider.  He has provided.

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you Jesus.

 

And check out that hair.  She literally has the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen.  Thick.  Shiny.  Wavy.  Rightly so.

 

You spoke and made the sunrise, to light up the very first day
You breathed across the water, and started the very first wave
It was You
You introduced Your glory, to every living creature on earth
And they started singing, the first song to ever be heard
They sang for You
You make all things new
You make all things new
Then the world was broken, fallen and battered and scarred
You took the hopeless, the life, wasted, ruined and marred
And made it new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again
You made the sunrise, day after day after day
But there's a morning coming, when old things will all pass away
And everyone will see
You make all things new
You make all things new
Come redeem and come transform
Come renew and come restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
Now and forever You are making all things new
You're making all things new
Hallelujah...