March 8, 2012

Deep breath, neigh, neigh, neigh.

  Bella left for her visit yesterday……again.

I haven’t gotten to post, but she was supposed to go home (like, HOME.  permanently.) on March 1 – obviously that didn’t happen.

We had heard rumors that they were thinking about pushing the date back a little, but no one had talked to us about it.  No big deal.  She only lives with us.  Why would we want to know when she’s moving anyway?

As I’m constantly reminded  -  We are just the foster parents.

So, a week before she was supposed to go home Brian called the caseworker to get an idea of what was going on.  “Oh, I thought we had this conversation.”  was how it started.


They’ve pushed the move back to the beginning of May-ish.

This is frustrating to me for a couple reasons.

  1. She’s been having visits at home Wednesday through Sunday for three months now.  THREE MONTHS.  She comes back to our house on Sunday evening, and leaves Wednesday afternoon.  Talk about jerking her around.  I’m just confused, if she can be at home for 4 1/2 days a week for three months, why is she not home?
  2. I’m sure there are things they aren’t telling me.  After all, we’re just the foster parents.  But nothing that I’ve heard sounds like a safety issue to me.  Of course, there are risk factors.  There always are.  It just doesn’t sound, to me, like there is anything worth dragging her around for.


I appreciate that they’re being careful.  Goodness knows we’ve seen the repercussions of sending kids home too early.  But this seems extreme.  When Bella goes home it will be on a thirty-day trial home placement, and after that they will have in home services for three months.  That’s four months of making sure things are going well, which makes me feel like another two months of back and forth is a little much.

I guess mostly I just see how much this is all effecting her.  When all is said and done (assuming they don’t extend it again.) she will have had SIX months of visits Wednesday through Sunday.  I want it to be over for her.  Of the last six days she’s been with us, she’s thrown up four of them over anxiety and stress.  This is not healthy for her.

The good news though, is that Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, Bella didn’t throw up!  I’ve tried different relaxation techniques to help her overcome the anxiety and keep her lunch.  This week we did deep breathing, in through our noses, and then when we let it out we made animal noises.  I know it sounds silly, but she thinks it’s hilarious and it distracts her from her anxiety.  Although it probably raises the anxiety level of people who are driving next to me and see the crazy lady in the next car taking deep breaths and neighing.  Whatevs.


In through your nose, now neigh, neigh, neigh.


  1. It sounds frustrating to be out of the loop. Question: Since you were a caseworker before, do you think you have a better understanding of your social workers motives and decisions? Also, do you think you are treated any different as a foster parent because of your past experience? Of course there are confidentiality issues and everything but since you are involved and want to be involved it makes me wonder.

  2. WoW! that just seems so hard on her. I can not even imagine how confused she must be. Just doesn't make sense to me how that could be in her best interest at all.

  3. I hate foster care frustration. :(

  4. Wow, I can't believe they are going to drag out her case that long. Having a case drag on forever is one thing that I worry about.

  5. That is crazy!

    You, on the other hand, are genious. I'm so using that to make it through my day: breath, baaa, baaa, baaa...

  6. I feel for you, my first case ALSO had "Home" visits for 6 months and I was pleading with the social workers by the end to PLEASE let these kids move home otherwise I think it may have gone on longer. Breathing works wonders - I also tried to let the kids know I felt for them and just reminded them that we need to enjoy the time we have together (let's have fun) since they are at "Home" so often now. Foster parents have to be the kings and queens of "distraction with love" for sure! I love your blog and it's honesty, thank you.


Thanks for commenting!!


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