We found out that a couple of relatives have come forward for the kids. We knew this was a possibility, but frankly, it just didn’t seem likely.
We are disappointed to say the least. Frustrated. Hurting, to be honest. We have spent every free moment for the last month picturing life with six kids. Figuring out room arrangements. Test driving vehicles. Figuring out vacation plans for the summer. Preparing our hearts to have six children.
Of course, we are praying for and ultimately hoping for whatever is in the best interest of the kids.
Initially, it was hard not to be angry. Still, that would be the easy response. Why would God present this opportunity only for it to fall through? Why can’t something just work out? What does this mean? What next?
But I was reading this morning and was reminded that God does not dangle good things in front of us just to criticize us for wanting it, and then to take it away as some kind of discipline. This was not in any way, just a tease.
I choose to trust in knowing that he never tells us ‘no’ out of spite or malice, He tells me no only in love, for my best interest, and for His glory. He tells me ‘no’ because He knows me better than any other, and only He knows what is truly best for me. He tells me ‘no’ because he has something else in mind that I am too short-sighted to see.
I also rest in knowing that I don’t have to figure out ‘what this means’. Because, quite simply, it just means that he is saying, “not right now, not this, something else.”
I follow Him through disappointment because He is the only one who knows what is on the other side.
I am also aware that it is our hearts and our obedience that God wants, not an outcome and not ‘success’. Whatever I view as the ‘end’ is skewed unless it is simply following Jesus faithfully. HE is the end. And he asks me to follow Him through a journey, not to a destination.
It is still possible that the kids end up with us if the relatives don’t pan out (like the last three didn’t). I don’t know, we’ll see. I pray that whatever is in their best interest is what happens, whether that includes us or not.
More learning. More refining.
I will wait on Him.
I will find peace in His will.