Is that a light at the end of the tunnel? Oh, no, that’s the end of my rope I’m seeing.

Ok, so, the boys behavior continues to snowball.

In the last 24 hours I have heard:

• I don’t have to!  It’s my choice and I can do what I want!
• You’re such a liar Maggie!  You’re such a liar!
• B*$#&.  (Yes, that’s the B word.  Don’t appreciate that at all.)
• Shoes bouncing off walls and our bunk bed breaking.
• I hate living here!
• I hate you!
• Slamming doors.  over. and over. and over.
• Whatever Maggie, I’m not even listening to you!  (really?  I couldn’t tell.)

I won’t go on – you get my drift.  Once about 5:00 hits our house is filled with the lovely sounds of defiance.  Just. straight. defiance.

They are angry about not being with their mom.  They are sad.  They have never had any supervision or authority figure at home.  I’m fairly sure that they have picked up on the fact that mom does not seem to be making progress.

This all comes together to make two very angry, very confused, very defiant little boys.

 

We have behavior charts for them – clearly listing consequences for specific behaviors, with positive reinforcement for progress and good days.  We have tried to be consistent with discipline.  As of today they will no longer receive allowance just because.  They will get stickers for good behavior, and each sticker will be redeemable for .25.  We do not raise our voices, we never so much as touch their shoulder during discipline. 

We are Love and Logic – ing our hearts out.

We are Shepherding our Children’s Hearts.

We are Connected Parenting.

But I can only be called a ‘B’ so many times before my eyes pop out of my head and roll around on the floor.  Just lookin’ for a little respect.  (Cue Aretha Franklin – I’m singing along.) It is true they have only been here for a month, but none of this seems effective.

We are running out of tools.

Suggestions are welcome.  Actually I may kiss you if you leave a good idea.

 

Foster parents give me your wisdom!!!!

 

Update: Just got a call and mom won’t be at the visit tonight.  This should make for a fun weekend.

7 Months!

Baby girl, you bring me more joy every day.  There is part of me that doesn’t want you to grow up, but at the same time, I enjoy each stage even more!  This month you started doing so many new things.  You started the month off by learning how to scoot across the floor.  Now, in just a short month, you are crawling all over the place – and you are so proud of yourself.  You also go from crawling to sitting up on your own, and you have just started pulling up on things.  It’s incredible how fast you learn!   You’ve just had your first two teeth pop through, both on the bottom.  You’re not sure what to think of them – you rub them with your fingers all the time trying to figure out what those sharp things in your mouth are!

You’ve just gotten into your first Mommy phase.  You prefer me to anyone else, and if someone else has you and I am in your line of sight, you try to crawl right out of their arms to get to me.  It melts my heart every. time.  I love being your favorite.  I know it won’t last forever, so I am soaking up every moment!  You are a beauty and it makes your daddy nervous already.  He is just crazy about you.

You love to give me sweet baby kisses – and they’re even worth being completely covered in your slobber.  You giggle when we tickle you and laugh any time you get excited.  You are such a happy girl, I just can’t get over how full of joy you are!

You started eating baby food.  You’ve decided that you like fruits, but your not real big on the veggies.  You love it when you are able to have a taste of whatever I’m eating, and you are quickly becoming agitated when I won’t share!  I am love sharing the summer weather with you and taking you on outside adventures!  Your favorite sound is still Dadadadada.  You’ve still not come close to a mama but I’m sure you’ll say it soon!

I love you, love you, love you baby girl and I pray for you everyday.  There is nothing in the world that brings me more joy than being your mama.

 

                                                                          Love,  Mama

Good Book.

I haven’t even completely finished this book.  But I love it.  It is full of practical advice, and wisdom on understanding and addressing behaviors.  It covers some pretty basic stuff – which is always beneficial and serves to remind us of the tools we already have to work through the issues facing these kids.  It also covers issues in different ways than I have read in other books – also very helpful.

Anyway – wanted to share this resource.  I’ll add it to my resources list up top for sure.

 

Birthday Partay.

  We went up to visit my family last weekend (Sylvie and I are actually still visiting.).  The boys had so much fun they didn't want to leave.  All the cousins are visiting too, so it was nothing but non-stop playing.  My nephew, Simon, also had his birthday party last weekend.  It was at a gym and the kids got an hour to play around on all of the gymnastics equipment.  So fun, and perfect for boys with endless amounts of energy.

Sylvie and Grandpa

They had a huge foam pit that the kids could jump into off of a trampoline - SO cool!

Zee was straight kamikazee - maybe we should put in a foam pit at our house.

Jae was a little more reserved and it took him a long time, and a lot of encouragement to do a flip into the pit, but he finally did!  The best part was that my mom (thinking he wouldn't do it) promised him that if he did it, she would do a flip into the pit too.  ha!

Yup, that is most definitely my mom doing a flip into the foam pit.  I'd say any Nana who will do that is a pretty cool Nana.

And of course Brian and I couldn't sit out on the fun!

Beam me up Scotty!  ha!

Sylvie wasn't sure what to think.  

Gives a whole new meaning to your mom 'flipping out'.

Jae buried in the foam after jumping in.

Zee getting some serious air.

The boys with the birthday boy.

fast friends.

So cute.  Of course I'd never tell them that.  Then they'd stop being cute.

Fun was had by all.  When the boys had to leave there were even tears.  Jae has decided not to celebrate his birthday until he can do it with his cousins.  Although we will not ever be able to fill the hole in their hearts from leaving their family,  I'm so glad that they can find the love of a family here.

Project 365 - Week 12

Over-stimulation?  I think that's the definition of having older brothers.

My very first bath in a big bathtub!

Looking very cute in my robe.

Visiting Nana and Grandpa's with ALL the cousins.  So fun.  Unless you're teething.

All the boys.  Lots of testosterone.

While we were baby showering, all the boys went to cheer for the best team in baseball.  (The Cardinals of course.)

The boys are just a little crazy about her.

Ending on a Positive Note.

So all the posts this week have kinda been downers.  I promise to end this one on a positive note.  Maybe a picture of a cute kitten or something else smile inducing.

The truth is, this has been a rough week.  And I’m not here to make foster parenting look easy – I’m here to show that it’s hard and brings challenges, but that it is doable and completely worth it.  No one signs up to be a foster parent thinking it’s all going to be roses and I love you’s (although I’ve received both during our time as foster parents, so all hope is not lost!).  Someone I was talking to, or possibly reading the blog of {let’s hear it for modern communication} was telling me their thoughts on the difficulty of fostering.  I think it was my friend Katherine. 

It is hard.  And there are struggles.  And there are tears.

But doesn’t every child deserve to be loved enough and cared for enough that someone finds them worth tears?

 

And that’s also the example Christ gave us.  He loved us even though it hurt.  He found us worth tears, agony even.  He took us as His own when it wasn’t required of Him because he loves us.  And he is going to stick out the good times and the rough times with us until we find ourselves home.

 

So.  Given the opportunity to love these kids through the hurt, I will (try, and surely fail sometimes) to count it all joy, count it all joy, count it all joy.  (Any Adventure in Odyssey fans out there?)

I have been leaning so heavily on these verses this week:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be made mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

                           James 1:2-5

and of course this one:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

                          James 1:19-20

 

And, on a positive note, I am SO thankful that:

• The boys had a really great morning this morning.  No yelling, no smarting off, no throwing fits, no complete breakdowns in communication.
• Brian and I had time yesterday to sit down and create a behavior chart for each of the boys, and I am so looking forward to see it’s fruit.
• Sylvia is such a happy baby.  She brings me joy every time I look at her, hear her sweet voice, or have to comfort her.  Thank you Lord for my sweet baby girl.
• The boys (finally!) have a visit with their mom tonight.  Here’s to hoping it goes well.  Here’s to naively hoping it might improve their behavior instead of degrade it. {I can hope, can’t I?}
• And, drum roll please,      the caseworker finally called me!!!  For the first time in the three weeks the boys have been with us, I was able to ask questions, and get answers.  Amen! 

Nothing much more smiling inducing than that!

(I mean, all biases aside.  But not really.)

Please Pray.

Please pray for X-man.  Please. Please. Pray.

His current foster mom got a phone call today telling her to have all of their stuff ready, he and his brothers are being picked up this afternoon and going home permanently.

 

I can’t even explain how I’m feeling.

He came to us at 15 months weighing 12 pounds.  She almost killed him.  His brothers, at 4 and 5 were not even verbal.  No colors.  No numbers.  No alphabet. 

 

She almost killed him.

 

Not to mention they are going from one hour supervised visits once a week to going home?!?!?!?  This is asinine.  Not only is it insane, but it’s not even fair to his mom – they are setting her up for failure.  Going from never taking care of any children, to taking care of three high needs kids by herself? 

GIVE ME A BREAK.  CAN THE SYSTEM REALLY BE THIS SCREWED UP?

 

All I can figure is that the caseworker must have royally screwed up in court representing the evidence.  Because there is no excuse for this.

She almost killed him.

 

It should have been an open and shut case.  It was BAD.  Really, really BAD.

 

I don’t even know what to say.  And should probably stop anyway before I regret my ranting.  Please pray for them.  Please.  All I can see in my mind is his thin, sick little body the night they dropped him off.  He didn’t even know how to cry.

 

Please pray.  It’s my sweet boy.  I know that God knows this situation through and through, and he loves that boy more than I ever could.  But it is so hard to trust.