May 20, 2010

Glutinous, Green, Huge.

I don’t make it a real habit to meet new people at the gym.  In fact, I find that most of the time I try to avoid it.  I want to get in, get out, and get to everything else I have to do (such as the laundry of 5 small children.  which is a lot of laundry.).

This morning I was sitting on one of the machines taking a short break between reps when I noticed this older gentleman looking my way.  There are a lot of older people who exercise at the same time as me, and I rather like listening to their banter – but this guy, was he? Oh no.  He was making eye contact. The kind of eye contact that says, “I think I’ll start a conversation with that random person over there working on toning her inner thighs.” (But not in a perverted way, because that is definitely how that sounded.)

He walks over, and I smile, because 80 year old men automatically prompt smiles (why is that?).  He points at the stickers on my shirt that the daycare gives you so that they don’t give your children to someone else.  On this particular morning, there were three of them.

Now I have a little bit of a personal question, ma’am.  Because you’re a pretty little thing, but you don’t look any older than 12.”

Oh, I know sir, I get that a lot.  (And still don’t appreciate it, when is that supposed to kick in?) I’m actually almost 25.”

Well, I know that you just had a baby, but I was just noticing that you have several child care stickers on your shirt, and because you are so young, I just didn’t know how it was possible?”

(Do I really have to explain to an 80 year old man how that’s possible?  Because by the time you’re 80, buddy, you should know.)

I explained how we’re foster parents, and how at the moment we have five children, but that we don’t always have that many kids.

Oh, well, I was just wondering, being from Southern California and all, with all you religious freaks out here with all these kids – I just thought I’d ask.”

Ummmmm.  Seriously?  Seriously.  Who says something like that?  w.o.w.

I kind of wanted to point him toward this post.  But instead I just smiled.  I think there’s also something about being 80 years old that gives you some unmentioned permission to say whatever you want.

So we leave the gym.  I load the kids into the car, we start home.

I’m on the phone when I turn around to see that Carter has this MASSIVE glob of glutinous, green, disgustingness hanging from his nose to his lip.  The kind that makes you think, “Wow, he really must have an oversized sinus cavity.  Or maybe his entire head is one big sinus cavity.”  That big.

So I look around in a frenzy for the tissues and can’t find them.  I explain to him that I can’t find them, but that he should just sit there very still until we get home and I’d wipe it off as soon as I could. 

So we continue home, and I finish up my phone conversation.  We pull into the driveway and I go around to get him out of the car.

oh no.

where did they go?

where are the boogers?  The MASSIVE amount of boogers?

I start looking around the van for them, on his clothes, on his booster, the arm of the chair.  I can’t find them.

Carter, what happened to all of the boogers?

He looked at me as innocently as can be, pointed to his face, and opened his mouth.

 

Guess we can skip lunch.  Because wow, that many boogers must be proportionate to a three course meal.

8 comments:

  1. Thanks, I'm dry heaving now.

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  2. seriously???? I am going to puke as well.....

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  3. Ahhh! That is so funny! Made my day.

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  4. Frist, the booger thing had me laughing so hard I almost peed myself!

    Second, I totally feel your pain with the man at the gym. For some reason I must look approachable or something because people come up to me all of the time and say crazy things like this. I look really young too, and it makes it tough not to get stares walking around with 3 kids. I will be 26 next month and people always tell me I look 16 tops. I guess it will be a good thing when we are 40 right? For now it just leads to some really uncomfortable comments!

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  5. I am not a fan of boogers... no way would I have been able to make it as a mother!

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  6. Seriously ick. As for the random man? I just hope that I get to be that old that I can say whatever I want without thinking.

    Oh, wait. I already do that.

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  7. o. my. word.

    kids. they never stop surprising you.

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Thanks for commenting!!

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