August 4, 2011

I'm not good at this.

I am currently out of town.  My sister is in town from Seattle, so it's my whole family.  All in one place.  It's wonderful.

This trip was planned before Bella came to our house.  I wanted her to come, but she couldn't miss her treatments this week because she is going with us to Colorado next week (!) and we have to push off her treatment for that.  So, Bella is at a respite home during the day this week, and my husband picks her up after work so that she can have some semblance of consistency and familiarity.

Three weeks ago, in the midst of transition and the stress of figuring out all of Bella's medical details,  I couldn't wait for this trip to be here.  It felt like the oasis in the desert, if I could just make it to the trip, we'd all make it through all this stress.  A week of respite for myself, and also for my daughter who was in a sharing bootcamp of sorts.

So, here we are.  Five hours away and surrounded by family, screaming (in a good way) children, and fun outings.  We are having a lot of fun.  And I love being with my family.
But there is something else there.  Something I didn't expect in my anticipation.  Something that has grown over the last three weeks.

I miss Bella.
I wish she were here so badly.  I wish she were here playing and meeting my family and being attachedtomeatthehip like she is at home.
I'm not good at this being away from her thing.

Bella, you have made your way into my heart.


  1. Oh, that moment of realization is so sweet! It's like getting over the bump of difficulty to realize there is light on the other side. It's great to hear you're going to Colorado again this year. One day we'll have to do that too.

  2. Such a sweet post. Thank you for always sharing your heart in such a beautiful way.


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