September 21, 2012

Even Hope in the Ashes.

We finally just got a call from the caseworker regarding yesterday’s hearing.


The conversation started like this:

Caseworker: Well, I have to call and tell you this, but you aren’t going to like it.


If that’s not a stellar set up, then I don’t know what is.

Essentially, this is what happened -


I guess in our state, the state has to file a “motion to sever parental rights” before the goal can officially be changed to adoption, or a TPR hearing can be set.  (Different than the state I worked in.)

This motion was not filed prior to the hearing yesterday.  I’m really trying not to feel frustrated (read: irate) about this, because I don’t even know who to be upset at.  I’m not certain who’s responsibility it was to file it.


So the state is going to file the motion sometime in the next two weeks, with a new hearing set for October 18th.  Prior to the hearing they will have a conference to determine whether or not enough “progress” has been made to keep them from setting a TPR hearing.  (How could that be possible?  What, so, in the next three weeks we’re going to obtain housing, clean UA’s, a job, therapy, etc.?  I can’t imagine what “enough” is at this point.)  If they can’t find valid progress, on October 18th they will set it out for a TPR hearing.


But here’s the kicker.  The judge, in all his wisdom, after reading the court report at the start of the hearing, ordered that between now and October 18th that the girls have visits with Mom.


Did you miss that part about Bella throwing up 4 times a week while having visits?

And also did you miss that she has a potentially terminal illness that could be effected by that kind of stress on her body?

And that part that talked about how since visits have stopped completely that the girls’ health, behavior, stress and anxiety levels, and food issues have all vastly improved?  What about that?

And I can’t figure out what in the world makes anyone think that Mom is going to be stable and actually stick around for long enough to accomplish anything.  Did we forget that she just showed up out of nowhere after going missing for 6 months?


I know what this sounds like – and I am not that foster parent.  Brian and I bent over backward for the better part of this case to support reunification – we were Mom and Dad’s biggest advocates, strongest cheerleaders.


But now you’re going to go and screw with my girls – further traumatize them – when it’s clear this case is going nowhere?


It’s not a good idea to piss a Mama off like that.





So for now, I will do the only thing that I can do, and that is to take it to Jesus.  I know that in the end, he can work out all things for the good of those that love Him – and I am trusting, that eventually, in time, He will do the same here.

I will pray for my girls.

I will pray for the case.

I will continue to pray for their parents.  For redemption in their lives and healing for their brokenness – just not while they are simultaneously further traumatizing their children.  My children.

Lord, bring beauty from these ashes.  Be glorified.  Show us how to love well when it is so difficult to forgive and let go.  You are here even when it all seems so broken – remind me of my brokenness so that I can love instead of judge, and forgive instead of harbor anger.

You are the loving redeemer.  Redeem this, Lord.  Redeem this.


  1. So sorry to hear this. We will be praying for you and the girls. Does this mean that on Oct 18th they will actually have the TPR hearing, or on that day they will set a future date for TPR? This sounds different from how it works in our state. Unfortunately around here, I have heard similar stories of them continuing visits in situations like this. It seems like they will continue visits unless the parents would physically harm the kids during the visits. It is so sad that no one cares what it does to the kids after the visits.

    1. That's the thing that gets me with visits for Bella, is that with her disease, and her coping mechanism for stress (puking and not eating) it really could physically harm her - but I guess even that isn't enough. So frustrating!

  2. So sorry :{ I am anticipating the possibility of something similar happening in our case with the sw not filing the petition in time for the court date. I can't believe the judge would reinstate visits especially with the chance on TPR so close. Praying for you and your girls as that happens.

  3. i have lived this so i understand. you all will make it through this and on the other end of it your girls will be safe, loved and with you.

    mama foster

  4. I'm a foster mom too, so on multiple levels I understand your anger. I also think taking it to Jesus is the best place to take it.
    What I struggle with is reading that they are 'your' kids. No, actually they are not. Not technically and not biologically.
    Does your heart know that? NO, and that is what makes you a great foster mom. But, you have to keep it honest, even to yourself.
    Wishing you all the best as you sort this out.

    1. I realize that they aren't technically or biologically "our" kids - it would be impossible to forget with constant reminders from visits, caseworkers, court, etc.
      At this point, Bella has been with us for a year and a half, and it has become clear that the girls going home is not in their best interest. We put in A LOT of effort to get them back home with their family.
      You're right, getting attached to your foster kids is what makes for a good foster parent. And you are also right, that at this point in the case the girls are mine in my heart. I have no beef with that - their parents have been MIA for some time and someone has to be their family.


Thanks for commenting!!


Related Posts with Thumbnails