Clothing Question.

Q:Random question to get you started:  You seem to take all ages, shapes and sizes. Do you have a stockpile of clothes, or do you start from scratch each time?

A: We do have a stockpile of clothes. When we started fostering a bunch of people gave us clothes (not so much now that we've been doing it a while) and I organized them into bins for ages.
We collect clothes as we go, like clothes that kids grow out of while they are in our home, and we keep those organized too.
We don't have a ton of clothes for any one size, but usually enough to hold us over until we can get to the store.

Ask me anything

P.S.  These posts are from the "ask me anything" box on the right hand side of the blog.  When I answer a question, formspring automatically puts it up as a post - so that's what these are!  Feel free to send your questions my way!

Discipline Question.

Q:  What's your discipline philosophy? What do you do when they aren't listening and can't verbalize enough to communicate?

A:  Sorry it's taken so long to answer!
That depends on if you mean they can't verbalize because they are so upset, or because they are so young.

If they are too young to verbalize (2 and underish) then I just go with redirection - at that point they are really too young to understand discipline. Above 2ish I start doing time outs.
If they can't verbalize because they are so upset and out of control, then we do 'cool down time' in their room or on the couch. They have to sit there until they can talk through it and are able to calm down.
Not sure if this is helpful at all! If you have any other questions about how we discipline then let me know!

Ask me anything

A Special Night.

We have progress!  (Can I get an ‘amen!’)  The boys saved up enough marbles for a special night.

The story on the marbles is as follows:

  They each have a behavior chart (which seem to be working pretty well as reminders of what is not appropriate behavior, and motivation to at least try.).  Each behavior chart has four behaviors that need some work {by some work, I mean full blown renovation.} and each behavior has three checkmark boxes next to it.  Each checkmark box has a specific discipline linked to it, with each checkmark getting progressively more serious.  We actually write the consequence in the checkmark boxes so that it is completely clear to the boys what will happen should they get another checkmark. 

  At the end of each day, we look at their behavior chart for that day, and if they do not have any check marks for any of the four behaviors, then they get a marble for that behavior.  So they have the opportunity to get four marbles per day.  If they save up 10 marbles, they can turn them in for a pack of Pokemon cards.  If the save up 20 marbles, they get to go out for a special night with either Brian or I.

  Both of the boys saved up twenty marbles as of Saturday, so they got to decide what we were going to do for the evening!  We couldn’t get babysitting for Sylvie at that late of notice, so the movies were out.

 

First they decided that they wanted to go to Fazoli’s for dinner.  A ‘fancy’ restaurant.  (It’s possible restaurant should be in quotations as well.)

 

Zee’s best effort to take a pic of Brian and I.  Fail.

 

Then they wanted to go bowling!  So fun!

 

Jae was very dramatic about the bowling experience.

 

 

Then we went for frozen custard!

 

It was such a fun night, and the boys were so excited that they had saved up enough marbles.  I was so proud of them!  Hopefully it won’t be tooooo long before we get to celebrate a special night again.

I really do feel like we’ve made some progress with their behaviors.  {I say that now, don’t ask me in five minutes.}  And I can tell they trust us so much more than they did at first.  It’s looking like they could be with us for a while (more on that in another post.) so I’m looking forward to seeing even more progress!

Project 365 – Week 16

A fun day at Nana and Grandpa’s complete with bumper cars, go carts, bumper boats, and ice cream. 

 

Nana and Sylvie

 

Making Kabobs at Nana and Grandpa’s

 

This weeks bouquet from the boys.  They keep me stocked with random flowers from around the neighborhood.

 

Workin’ hard at the Children’s Home in the city. 

8 Months.

Sylvie Girl,

  STOP GROWING!  Just kidding, but not really.

All of a sudden you are not my little baby any more, but you are an active, on the go little girl with such a personality.  Already I can see that you are going to be a very determined (some may say stubborn) little girl – really I’m not sure where you would have gotten that from.  You’ve started using your voice to let us know when you are unhappy about something, when you’re very happy about something, or when you’re happy about something but we’ve stopped before you’d like.  You’re a very expressive little girl.

You started doing so many new things this month.  You’re crawling now {and getting faster all the time}, you’ve started pulling up on things, you’ve started cruising around and between furniture.  I’d say you’re officially on the move!  Of course, accompanying your mobility is your ability to get into EVERYTHING.  I’ve already done this stage twice before with Mena and X-man, and I’m still no good at keeping things out of reach, not to mention all the tiny, mouth-sized things you find all over the floor.  Your brothers keep me busy pulling little things out of your mouth at a rate of one per minute with all of their lego creations.  Speaking of your brothers, you love them.  You think they are hilarious and you smile anytime either of them walks into the room.  They love you too, although Jae would never admit that.

You also started crawling up the stairs.  You’re pretty speedy at it now, and when I come up behind you to get you down you give me a mischievous grin that tells me that we’re probably in for it these next few years.

You also started saying Mama this month.  Definitely my favorite milestone yet – it melts my heart.  This morning I was in the living room and you were shut in the bedroom with Daddy – you stood up at the window in the door and started knocking saying ‘mamamama’.  Nothing. Better. 

You LOVE to eat now.  You aren’t huge on baby food – but if I’m eating something you demand to taste it. 

You are so happy!  I can’t really explain how happy it makes me feel to be your mommy – I love it more than anything in the world.  I love you more than anything. 

I thank God for you every day, baby girl. 

I can’t wait to see what month 8 has in store.

 

Love you, love you, love you,

                                      Mamamamama 

He’s not finished with me yet.

thank GOODNESS.

I’ve not ever really felt my flesh, myself, my soul, fighting with God’s will more than I have in our fostering experience.  I know that I conflict with what God has for me regularly (aka: sin.) but with fostering I can feel the pulling on my soul going back and forth between what I would selfishly choose, and what I know God’s will for me is.  It sometimes feels like tug-of-war. {You’d think at some point I’d realize that I’m no good at this game.}

Don’t get me wrong.  I find joy in fostering.  Every day.  I also find joy in knowing that I am where God wants me to be.  But I have absolutely had to focus my eyes on Him in order to continually want what he wants for me. (This is where you say, ‘um, duh Maggie.’ - but I think in most things in my life it has been easier to want what he wants than it is in fostering.  Not sure if any of this makes sense.  But oh well.)

Sometimes I find myself longing for our family to be only Brian, Sylvie, and I.  Sometimes I long for the ease of not having to battle out everything, not having to think about parental visits, court, and therapy.  I long to be able to wake up in the morning and just be able to take my kids to the park or the pool without having to weigh when their last visit was, how they are dealing with their emotions as of late, and whether or not I think that the whole trip will implode leaving me with two angry children who are calling me names across the parking lot while people watch and shake their heads.

I’m just being honest.

I know that right now, this is what God wants for us.  And most of the time, I love it and I am happy this is the path he has chosen for us.  I guess that sometimes I just wish it felt more normal.  But I guess that’s not the point.  God’s not much for letting us be comfortable with the way things are. 

This is why I was so hesitant to make more strict boundaries on which kids we can/cannot take placement for.  I had to be sure I was really being honest with myself.  Am I making these boundaries just to make myself feel more comfortable?  Because I’m trying to control what our family looks like instead of trusting Him?  Or am I setting these limits because I feel that it is what God would have us to do for our family?  I had to make sure I wasn’t just letting my selfishness get in the way of what God was doing.  After a lot of prayer, I feel like we’ve made some good decisions regarding boundaries.  I feel at peace about them.

I know the enemy uses my love for Sylvia to make me second guess fostering.  Is it the best thing for her?  How will it effect her childhood?  Should I be spending more time with just her?  What if….? (Not that it isn’t my job to think about these things – I just need to think about them while trusting instead of while worrying.)  All of these things come into my head instead of just trusting that He loves her more than I ever could and that His will is what is best.

 

I guess this all really comes down to Him refining me.  Ugh, I just wish it were easier!  Ha!  Lord, it appears you still have some a lot of work to do.  At least I can know He’s not given up on me!

My Vanborghini Gallardo.

  The boys, Sylvie, and I spent the long weekend visiting my parents.  We just got back yesterday afternoon.  Actually, I served as the only adult on a five hour road trip with all three kids, so forgive me if my thoughts don’t flow well – I’m still recovering.  I got out of the van at the end of the trip, opened the side door, and found that sometime during the five hours Sylvia’s arm was mysteriously colored a nice shade of red. But Jae didn’t do it, and neither did Zee, just ask them.  {Obviously my daughter has a profound ability to use a marker, and her dexterity is off the charts.}  There was also magic disappearing ink all over my back seat.  Here’s to hoping the folks in China weren’t joking when they made that label.  I’m also fairly sure that someone (obviously not Jae or Zee) spilled milk all over in the back – it’s beginning to smell like a baking sippy cup in there.  My poor vanborghini.  Ahhhh – so now, 5 hours, a bottle of disappearing ink, a container of milk, one very large tattoo on Sylvia’s arm, and a combined total of 150 minutes of earned time spent in respective rooms later (oh, and somewhere in there I had to explain what a tampon is) – we are home. 

 

Things always go really well when we’re out of town.  Very little yelling, very little cussing (except for the choice words they decided to introduce my nephew, Simon, to.), very little smarting off.  Which is a blessing, cause who wants to be stuck home with kids in their rooms while you’re out of town?  Not me.  It also tells me that they are capable of being respectful and listening when they want to.

However, as I said before, we are back home.  And it’s completely obvious.

Jae is grounded this morning.  We only ground when they use any kind of physical force to get what they want.  We have to keep a tight reign on anything physical because we have Sylvia.  He also lost his privilege to play in his baseball game last night.  He then spent said baseball game sitting behind Brian and I on the bleachers mumbling threats and disrespectful comments about us.  Everything was a battle all day.

Having said all of that, I do really feel like we’ve made a little progress with the boys.  They’ve adjusted to our discipline techniques, we’ve adjusted to their needs in discipline.  They are always aware of what choice they are making with any bad decision they make.  They are able to tell us why things are not ok.  I’ve even gotten a few unprompted ‘sorry’s’.  It’s just such slow progress, that sometimes in the middle of the day when I’m being yelled at for the 200,293’d time it’s hard to see. 

 

Baby steps.  And according to the caseworker we’ve got plenty of time to work on things.  Time we have.  I’m just not sure how much longer my van is going to hold up.  Ha!