Going to the Fountains.

I mean the mountains.  Where we get wet?  They are big.  But do we need our swimsuits?  …All very confusing for Bella.  We couldn’t help but chuckle.

 

 

We just got back from Horn Creek.  It was wonderful in about 100 different ways.  The words relaxing and family time can actually be used in the same sentence when you’re there.  I know.  Right?  You don’t believe me.  But it’s true.

 

 

 

 

 

  The girls had so much fun.  The entire week was packed full of things that they thought were the most fun things ever, in the entire world. ever.  We went bowling, swinging, on the waterslides, swimming, swinging, on adventure walks (named by Bella), line dancing, swinging, rock wall climbing, horse back riding, and swinging.  (Did I mention we spent some time on the swings?  We did.)

 

Sylvia sang Old Macdonald had a Farm the whole time she was riding the horse.  With a neigh neigh here and a neigh neigh there.  Horse back riding happened to be one of the very first things that we did that week – and we immediately discovered that Bella is allergic to horses.  It ended in a trip to the urgent care a two hour drive and a three hour wait away – but we got it all cleared up – she’s not bright red anymore.

 

 

I love spending time with my family.  Nothing I like much better.  So spending time with my family and being in the Rocky Mountains?  Perfect. 

This is us catching our breakfast.  One morning they make pancakes and you have to catch them mid-air on your plate.  The girls looovvveeedd it.

Very proud.

 

 

 

We met some friends there that have a two and a half year old little girl and a four year old little boy.  The kids love each other and had so much fun playing together.

 

Of all the wonderful things that week, the community definitely ranks number one.  Everyone there was either a foster or adoptive parent.  It was so nice to feel like our family was normal.  When kids had crazy meltdowns or behaviors came out of the woodwork – everyone there understood and was supportive.

It was this refreshing ‘Other people understand this insanity’ – in the midst of the insanity that is fostering and adopting.

The couple who lead the week run a foster and adoptive care ministry in Texas.  We had group time for the moms and for the dads where we talked about therapeutic parenting techniques, behavioral issues, and gloried in the phrases, “yeah, my child does that too” and “this is what worked for me.”

Aaaahhh, can I go back now?

 

Sylvie and her friend Davey on western night.  They could be stunt doubles for each other.

 

 

Before I post a bajillion pictures, I’ll just wait and do a whole different post of just pictures – because I can’t just pick a few.

 

While we were there we also got hooked up with some really great (and some free!) resources for foster and adoptive parents.  I’ll share on those later for sure.

 

So.  Next year, if you are a foster or adoptive parent (or grandparent, or relative, etc.), you should go to this week of Horn Creek.  Totally worth it.  Make room for it in your summer.  Start saving now.  Be there.  We will be.

Road Trip.

We've been in the car for about 12 hours now.  We have 2 hours to go.  Highlights thus far:

Bella saying "We're almost there!" an hour into the trip.

She calls Horn Creek  "Concrete, Colorado."  It's very cute.

We've been talking about getting to see the mountains and getting the girls pumped for it.  Bella seemed very concerned about getting her clothes wet and about when she was going to get to put on her swimsuit.  It took us a good five hours to figure out she thought we were talking about seeing the fountains, not the mountains.

The girls singing their very own song which included chanting "Booyah" for about 15 minutes.

Bella saying "We're almost there!" six hours into the trip.

 "It's the mountains, really the mountains, I'm so excited, it's the mountains!!!"  -Bella

Bella: Horn Creek and Colorado don't rhyme.  But they do go together though.
Me: That's right.  What else goes together?
Bella:  uuummm...horses.
Me: What do horses go with?
Bella:  Cats.  Horses and Cats.
              .....?

"Coyeewado!!!"  -Sylvia.  Every five minutes.  The entire trip.

Bella saying "We're almost there!" ten hours into the trip.


Family vacations are great.  And with that said, I can see the mountains and the air is already 20 degrees cooler than it is at home.  ahhhhhhh.

I'm not good at this.

I am currently out of town.  My sister is in town from Seattle, so it's my whole family.  All in one place.  It's wonderful.

This trip was planned before Bella came to our house.  I wanted her to come, but she couldn't miss her treatments this week because she is going with us to Colorado next week (!) and we have to push off her treatment for that.  So, Bella is at a respite home during the day this week, and my husband picks her up after work so that she can have some semblance of consistency and familiarity.

Three weeks ago, in the midst of transition and the stress of figuring out all of Bella's medical details,  I couldn't wait for this trip to be here.  It felt like the oasis in the desert, if I could just make it to the trip, we'd all make it through all this stress.  A week of respite for myself, and also for my daughter who was in a sharing bootcamp of sorts.


So, here we are.  Five hours away and surrounded by family, screaming (in a good way) children, and fun outings.  We are having a lot of fun.  And I love being with my family.
But there is something else there.  Something I didn't expect in my anticipation.  Something that has grown over the last three weeks.

I miss Bella.
I wish she were here so badly.  I wish she were here playing and meeting my family and being attachedtomeatthehip like she is at home.
I'm not good at this being away from her thing.

Bella, you have made your way into my heart.

A weekend on the farm.

  Last weekend we went to visit Brian’s family.  His parents live on a farm, and the kids love being able to be outside, go on four wheeler rides, and swing on the porch swing.  Bella especially loved getting to ‘listen to the birds,’ so cute.

 

Helping shuck corn for dinner.

 

Playing with Grandma Bonnie

 

This is the part where Sylvia locked herself in the car by herself, tried to buckle herself in, and then started turning the steering wheel.  Ornery?  Yes.

 

 

 

 

 

Mmmmmm….

Naomi is obviously not as entertained by food as Sylvia.

 

 

 

Lots of fun and good food.  As Sylvie says, “Grandma and Papa, yeah!”

Always an adventure.

  Sylvia’s had quite the crash course in sharing these past few weeks – but I think that she’s getting the hang of it, and I think we’re all settling into a new normal.  Which is good, because it seems Bella will be with us for a while.

 

She really enjoys stealing my iPhone and taking pictures.

 

  Brian and I had no peace about asking her to move, but we just weren’t sure what to do.  The situation really seemed pretty impossible given our family’s life stage right now.  The medical side of things is just so intense, and we couldn’t figure out how to make it work with two other little ones.  But like I said, we had no peace. 

 

  We prayed about it.  A lot.  We weren’t sure how we were going to do it, but we were pretty sure that saying no was not the right answer.  We decided to try to make it work, and see what God had in mind in telling us not to give up.

 

I find pictures like this on it all. the. time.

 

  The very next day we got a call from the hospital telling us that they could set us up with a home health nurse who could come to our house to do all of her labs.

  We also have a resource family worker that is willing to do almost anything to provide us with support.  She’s really great.

  On top of all of that we were (finally) given a solid outline of her treatment schedule from here on out.  She has treatment every ten days until the beginning of September – and then she only has it once per month!  Doable.  She has one or two labs between each treatment, but those can be done at our house.

  Last, but not least, the caseworker set up visits for treatment days, so a family member will be there for her treatments – I take her and pick her up.

 

Obedience.  Provision.  God is good.

 

 

  So, little Bella is a part of our family for some unknown amount of time.  Things have been crazy, but also very blessed.  For every challenge there is a blessing, and we will only linger on the latter.

 

  I pray so intensely that she can go home safely and in a timely manner.  She is homesick like no child I’ve ever seen – which is probably significant.

 

Until then, a family of five we will be.

 

tickle, tickle, tickle

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Become.

  It is always this way.  Any time we get a new child placed with us we feel it.  I know other foster parents who experience the same thing.  It’s the stretch.

  When we have a child placed with us, from the very moment that they get to our home we put all we can into loving them, comforting them, soothing and normalizing and acting as a salve on their burned and broken hearts.  This is one of the ways that God has chosen to use us, but it is also a way he has chosen to refine us.  And being refined is rarely a painless process.

 

  A friend asked me not long ago if it is the same – the feelings you have for ‘your children’ and your foster children.  I would say without hesitation that it depends on the child.  There are children you connect with and children you don’t.  You love them all, but you deep down from-the-bottom-of-your-very-heart-and-soul connect with some.  (This may sound terrible to some who haven’t fostered.  To them I say: Try fostering.)  No matter the connection, at the beginning, there is always the stretch.

 

  It’s the stretch between the children who were already in your home (whether they are there temporarily or forever) and the child who has just been placed with you.  It’s a stretch in your heart.

  It’s the questions that pester your mind – Is this best for the kids already in our home?  Am I taking too much time away from them?  Am I going to miss this precious time because of the chaos? 

  It’s the transition of having a new child in your home.  Learning to share with another pair of hands.  Sharing mommy, sharing toys, sharing time.

  It’s the pull in your heart for something normal.  Something not so hard.  Something dreamy and perfect.  It’s the hurt of not being able to ignore the brokenness of this world. 

  It’s the worry that you are not enough.  There’s not enough of you to go around, not enough love in your heart, not enough patience in your soul.

 

But always God reminds me that what he calls us to, he has also called our children to, and that this is a part of their journey as well.

  We’ve crossed this hump with Bella.  We are past the stretch.  It seems that it gets a little bit easier with each placement, but I don’t think it will ever be something I don’t struggle with.  (This is becoming a novel.  If you’ve made it this far, I’m impressed!)

 

  Now we are in the process of becoming.  With every placement we become a family all over again.  We become sisters and Mamas and Daddies and brothers and cousins and aunts and grandparents.  We become support and trust and consistency.  And however temporary, we become family.

 

 

We are becoming.

 

 

 

(P.S.  Bella is staying here.  More to come on that.)