September 7, 2011

The things I choose not to think about.

  Bella’s case seems to be moving forward, which is very exciting.  I italicize ‘seems’ because in foster care you never know what might happen.  I always tell my MAPP students – it’s not over until it’s over.  really over.  completely and totally done.  Like so done that it’s burned on both sides over.

You get the idea.

So we are excited that things are moving, but trying not to get our hopes up.  Someday after we’ve been foster parents for 60 years, I might get better at this.


We’re being approached about the possibility of having Bella’s sister move in with us.  This is actually the second time we’ve been asked.  I’m not sure it’s a good idea, as she and Sylvie are only 29 days apart in age.  I’m tired just thinking about it.

Show me a woman who has four children four and under – two of which are two – and I’ll show you a woman who’s done lost. her. mind.

Like I said, we’re considering it.


In the convo regarding her moving here, I pointed out that the case is, in fact, moving forward.  Her sister is currently placed in their hometown, and I brought up the fact that their hometown is probably the better place for them as we get closer to overnights, visits in the home, etc.  (I also brought up that if we are semi-close to the end of the case that another transition might not be what either girl needs…..I think that was dismissed quickly.)


Just after these words left my mouth, I realized what I was saying.

I was talking about Bella leaving.

As a foster parent, I don’t think much about when the kids leave.  If I did there would be no way for me to properly attach and love them.  So it catches me off guard a little when it comes up.

Bella leaving.  It actually made it a little bit hard for me to breath for a second. 

I get so accustomed to kids being here that when they go I’m left wondering how our family will function without them.  Here we go again.


I can feel the cracks in my heart forming when I think about her leaving.

But the other thing I tell my MAPP students is: 

If you don’t get attached, you’re not doing it right.


  1. You are so right when you say if you don't get attached your not doing something right. I have the biggest crack in my heart right now. Two weeks ago I said good bye to my baby that I picked up straight from the hospital. We were blessed to love him for seven wonderful months but saying good bye was literally the hardest thing I have ever done.

  2. So true. You are amazing. Really. I love your heart.


Thanks for commenting!!


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