Brian and I have been working to amp up on our therapeutic, attachment parenting skills. It’s something we’ve always educated ourselves on, but feel like we need to spend more time on. I get lazy in between placements and then always feel like kicking myself when we have a new child with us because I feel like I have to do so much review.
The struggle to get into the right frame of mind to parent these children well is intense. I’ve been trying really hard lately to give lots and lots of ‘yeses’. When I’m trying to give a yes when a no would be so much easier, I have to stop and realize that the reason it is so hard to give that yes is because I am being lazy. (Can we say – refinement?)
These are the times that I have to get goofy with my kids to get myself where I need to be – sometimes I just start singing ‘yes’, which actually makes me happy to say it – and the kids love it too.
The real trick (beyond finding the time to educate myself betweendiapersandfeedingandwhiiiiinnnniiinnnggg) is being able to slow myself down enough in each moment to really consciously respond in the way they need me to. To always be reminding myself of the compassion needed (not necessarily sympathy – compassion) in my every look, tone, and technique.
And to remember that I cannot do this. I don’t have it in me. Really. I don’t. I need someone much bigger and more patient and loving and compassionate. Without Him, I run out of all of these things by approximately 8:30. (a.m.) – that’s pitiful. But, that is exactly what I am without Him.
So. This has been sufficiently boring. But this is where I am.
Christ asks us to do everything that we do with excellence. So I will keep educating myself and keep being intentional in the way I parent my kids, both my kids who have experienced trauma, and those who haven’t.
If you’re reading this and thinking, what is she talking about??
Non Foster Parents: Parenting kids from trauma is a whole new ballgame in the parenting arena. It requires parenting differently and even more intentionally (not that parenting other children does not take intentionality, this just takes intentionality on steroids.)
Foster parents: If you feel lost in the world of parenting kids from trauma, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me, and I would love to hook you up with some great resources. It’s a lot of work – but makes your life, and your children’s lives so much less fractured!