September 2, 2011

Yes Man.

Brian and I have been working to amp up on our therapeutic, attachment parenting skills.  It’s something we’ve always educated ourselves on, but feel like we need to spend more time on.  I get lazy in between placements and then always feel like kicking myself when we have a new child with us because I feel like I have to do so much review. 


I’m re-reading this gem, and just got the newest Daniel Hughes book in the mail (Thanks Jen!).


The struggle to get into the right frame of mind to parent these children well is intense.  I’ve been trying really hard lately to give lots and lots of ‘yeses’.  When I’m trying to give a yes when a no would be so much easier, I have to stop and realize that the reason it is so hard to give that yes is because I am being lazy.  (Can we say – refinement?)

  These are the times that I have to get goofy with my kids to get myself where I need to be – sometimes I just start singing ‘yes’, which actually makes me happy to say it – and the kids love it too.


The real trick (beyond finding the time to educate myself betweendiapersandfeedingandwhiiiiinnnniiinnnggg) is being able to slow myself down enough in each moment to really consciously respond in the way they need me to.  To always be reminding myself of the compassion needed (not necessarily sympathy – compassion) in my every look, tone, and technique. 

And to remember that I cannot do this.  I don’t have it in me.  Really.  I don’t.  I need someone much bigger and more patient and loving and compassionate.  Without Him, I run out of all of these things by approximately 8:30.  (a.m.) – that’s pitiful.  But, that is exactly what I am without Him.




  So.  This has been sufficiently boring.  But this is where I am.

Christ asks us to do everything that we do with excellence.  So I will keep educating myself and keep being intentional in the way I parent my kids, both my kids who have experienced trauma, and those who haven’t.



If you’re reading this and thinking, what is she talking about?? 

Non Foster Parents:  Parenting kids from trauma is a whole new ballgame in the parenting arena.  It requires parenting differently and even more intentionally (not that parenting other children does not take intentionality, this just takes intentionality on steroids.)

Foster parents:  If you feel lost in the world of parenting kids from trauma, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me, and I would love to hook you up with some great resources.  It’s a lot of work – but makes your life, and your children’s lives so much less fractured!


  1. So, so true! Thanks for sharing so honestly, and helping me know I'm not the only one :)

  2. In today's society I think everyone should know how to care for traumatized children. Although my fostering is on hold, I'm working with a cub scout troop and we're about to welcome a fost/adopt boy who has trauma issues. The things I learned while fostering will help me transition him into our activities, manage his behaviors and communicate with mom about it all.

    Not to mention that many of the things we learn through parenting trauma kids refines us and makes us better parents for our own kids.

  3. I have struggled the past year to be the right kind of therapeutic parent. I am a "no" kind of attachment parent, haha. We are gentle, babywearing, breastfeeding, alternative discipline kind of parents,but I have always been very strict and disciplinary with my BioSon. My hodge-podge of attachment and disciplinarian has created quite the amazing little boy, but I know that parenting foster kids is a whole different ball game. It is hard to all of a sudden switch gears after four years of parenting one way.

    Thanks for the resources!


Thanks for commenting!!


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