July 16, 2010

Hard, hard decisions.

So tired of the serious posts.  But that’s been life lately.  Back to our normal program soon.    {Pause}    Did I just say normal, oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to confuse anyone by making them think that anything is ever normal around here.  You know, just less “writing about things that make you say, ‘foster care? me? Why in the world would I do that?’”


Brian and I have made a decision regarding the kids.

We’ve decided that we should not take the boys’ siblings.  I can not tell you how much thought and prayer went into this decision.  And we really feel at peace with it, now that we’ve decided.

Both of us wanted to take them so badly.  It was our natural inclination to immediately say, “Of course!  Why not?  We’d LOVE to.”  We tried to consider all the variables – and when we were done, we considered all of them again.  Really it just came down to one simple fact:

We weren’t sure that with four children who were very high need, and one under the age of 1 year, that we could really, fully provide everything that all five of them needs.  Primarily in the stage of life that we are currently in.


There were so many ‘if’s’.  If we lived near our family who would provide support.  If we knew how the kids do when they live together.  If we thought it was shorter term.  If we knew the boys’ behaviors would ever really improve.  If, if, if.

We struggled with whether or not these questions were just our lack of trust that God would provide, and we came to a couple of conclusions:

He has not given us a peace about adopting these children, even though we have literally begged for it.  We do know that he has called us to foster – which we would have to stop doing if we were to adopt right now – and we don’t feel like fostering is something He is asking us to stop doing.  He has given us hearts for adoption, and I am confident that at some point we will do just that, but not now.  Saying yes to taking the kids would have been the easier decision for us (I know, that sounds insane.  I never claimed we were sane.).  This is such a hard decision, but because it was so hard and we still feel that it is necessary, and we feel peace about it, tells me that it is the right decision regardless.


I’m not sure that any of that made sense.  If not, I’ll work on my next post being coherent.


We made a couple of suggestions to the caseworker.  *(Joke, right?  Cause who ever listens to the foster parents?  ….I digress.)*  We said, “What’s the huge rush?  Why don’t you give it six months to see if you just happen to find a family looking to adopt four kids?  If not, then move them somewhere else together, but if so, then it is only one more move for the kids instead of two.”

The caseworker responded, “thank you for your thoughtful consideration and your honesty, but we would really like to move the kids as soon as possible.”  I can see where she’s coming from.  But kind of not.

So the boys will be moving sooner than later.  And it makes me want to vomit.

If you are in the habit of praying for our boys, please pray for their hearts.  Pray for their future.  Pray for their caseworker.  Pray for the family they will go to.


*I should say, that before you think I’m all anti-caseworker, that I was a caseworker prior to fostering.  Some of them are great, and try really hard.  I should also say, that while we’ve had some bad experiences with our kids’ caseworkers – OUR caseworker (the one that works with us, the foster families) is fabulous.  She is supportive and helpful and we love her.  So don’t go getting scared off from fostering because of my caseworker talk.*


  1. I understand completely how hard this is for you. When you have a heart for foster children you can't stand the thought of causing them pain. But, you must do what God leads you to do and it certainly sounds like you are doing just that. God's peace is the most wonderful feeling. Glad you have come to a decision and have peace about it.

  2. What relief you must feel that the decision has been made and you feel peace from the Lord that it was the right one!

  3. you are right that you would have to stop fostering to adopt FOUR! And the Lord knows we are in constant need of good, solid foster homes. So I totally agree that this is the best decision for everyone involved.

  4. I support you. It seems that the biggest decisions in our lives, the ones that are visible to others, are the hardest to explain. Trying to describe our decision to foster is difficult to explain, esp to those not interested in any thoughts related to God. Similarly I can see how your decision is difficult to explain other than through your relationship to God and how you trust the feelings of your heart.

    It will work out for the best, in God's time and in his way. I'm sure in the meantime it will be hard to watch the cogs of the child welfare machine turn. God can use everything for our good (and the boys' good), even the crazy system.

    You are brave to follow what you feel when it is not easy to explain.

  5. Praying for you guys. I believe this is a good decision (although you certainly don't need my approval.) :)

    I'll be praying for Jae and Zee and their siblings and their forever home. I hope they are all united soon.

  6. I just wanted you to know that I respect you and your husband for making this hard, hard decision. I can't even imagine how difficult it was for you, especially with the hearts of two little boys that you love so much involved. I added you to my prayer list, and will change my working now-praying as you prepare for them to leave.
    Do you have any idea when "soon" is? (I know, that is a impossible question when dealing with foster care.)

    Love of love and prayers from Texas!


  7. exactly the conclusion we came to with K. it didn't make any sense and we wanted the answer to be yes so badly, but it just wasn't.

    i'll be praying for the boys, and maybe the next move WILL be their last. with God anything is possible.

  8. This “scientific” insight into the resurrection may interest you:

    The Center Of The Universe Is Life – General Relativity, Quantum Mechanics and The Shroud Of Turin – video http://www.metacafe.com/watch/3993426/

    The End Of Christianity – Finding a Good God in an Evil World – Pg.31 -
    William Dembski
    Excerpt: “In mathematics there are two ways to go to infinity. One is to grow large without measure. The other is to form a fraction in which the denominator goes to zero. The Cross is a path of humility in which the infinite God becomes finite and then contracts to zero, only to resurrect and thereby unite a finite humanity within a newfound infinity.”

    Philippians 2: 5-11
    Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

    “Miracles do not happen in contradiction to nature, but only in contradiction to that which is known to us of nature.”
    St. Augustine

    Intelligent Design – The Anthropic Hypothesis

  9. My immediate thought, when reading the caseworker comment...the kids have been in care for a year, and its JUST NOW crucial that they be placed together??

    I've already had many frustrating dealings with child services in Tx; they confuse me...

    Anyway, super proud of you all :-)

  10. I hear you on how hard it is to decide. I am happy to hear that you feelat peace withthe coice though even though that willnot amke it any easier to say bye to those boys.

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