July 31, 2010

Sudden changes.

Jae left last night.

Sudden, right?  Yeah, I know.


This week there have been about 20 different changes in the plan regarding the boys.  I’m pretty sure I’m not even exaggerating.  We were told he was leaving Friday, and then we were told he could stay with us up until the end of our upcoming vacation, then he couldn’t, then he was going to be with us for a couple more months while they got Zee stabilized…you get the picture.

Then Thursday night at 7:30 we got a call letting us know that the powers that be did not approve the plan for him to stay with us for a while, and that they wanted to move him the next day.  Friday morning I got a call saying they’d be here at 4:30 to pick him up.  So I got busy packing.


We are missing them.  It’s so quiet.

We gave them our address and phone number so that they can call us if they want to.  We’re going to get their new address and mail them things every so often.  I think that keeping some form of contact after a move generally helps kids out.


There is also a certain level of relief.  Relief from the unknown and decisions that are overwhelmingly draped with repercussions.  It’s a lot to carry, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that this morning when I woke up I felt a certain level of release. 


But I feel like we did everything that we could for the boys.  In the end it was out of our hands.  We will continue to do everything we can to let them know that we love them and to support them.  Yesterday, in the midst of changes to the case plan that we had no control over, I was talking to our family worker, and she reminded me that this is our job.  We do what we can, we try our very hardest, we give our all, and when the children move on we have to accept it and do the same.  Because, she reminded me, there will be more children who need our help, who are hurting, who will come so that we can help each other through this hard life.

We are leaving for vacation soon – which is really very good timing.  It forces us to take a hiatus from fostering (short, but a break none the less).  We cannot take any children before we leave, so it won’t be until we return that we can start taking phone calls, and we may choose to wait even a bit longer.  It will be time of renewal and rejuvenation that our home is in sore need of.  Thank God for parents who take us on vacation with them (can I get an amen?) (Thanks Mom and Dad!) (I really have the best parents in the universe.)!!!!!!


So today we’ve been relaxing.  I’ve done some sewing {=therapeutic outlet.} and some reading.  We’ve hung out and loved on our Sylvie girl.  Brian and I actually had time to talk (gasp!), spend time together (incredulous!), and we did no housework (I guess not so uncommon…).  It is a bitter sweet relief. 

We miss the boys – the worst will be tomorrow when we dismantle their room.  Countless times today I have turned to tell one of them something.  I received paperwork today to register them for school.  And we keep finding socks and legos in every nook and cranny.

But I also recognize this time as a time of rest.  A blessing.  Refreshment like cold water running down a parched throat or a nap in the middle of exhaustion.  The Lord knows what we need.


  1. You are handling this with so much grace. God bless you and the little guys.

  2. wow. it is alot to process, enjoy your vacation :) can't wait for you to get back!

  3. Big changes are hard. I like that you are admitting to the pros and cons of it all.

    What an extraordinary life you've chosen. Not to embarrass you, but it is extra, you know what I mean? While other people are trying to fit in their pedi in between their high profile job and vacation you are fitting in changing a child's life. Extraordinary!

  4. I know how hard this is. You sound a little like me. I want to save them all but I can't. You have done a wonderful job and the boys will be better people because of your families love and support.

  5. I always hate it when they move them like that, no time to process, just boom, moving. UI hope that this vacation is all that you need it to be.

  6. Dear J and Z - I love you and am so grateful I got to be your Auntie! You will always have a special place in my heart.

  7. My heart hurts for them and you. Fostering has to be the hardest job/life but you do it with so much love and passion, I am in awe. May God bless you all, especially J and Z who need it so desperately.

  8. There is also a certain level of relief. Relief from the unknown and decisions that are overwhelmingly draped with repercussions. It’s a lot to carry, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that this morning when I woke up I felt a certain level of release.

    I could have written that! I totally understand.

  9. I would like to exchange links with your site the-popps.blogspot.com
    Is this possible?


Thanks for commenting!!


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