I am weak. Thank goodness.

I feel like I’m in a better frame of mind today than I have been the last week or so.

Mostly because I woke up to this verse:

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it (the thorn in my flesh) away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

              2 Corinthians 12:8-10

 

And also woke up to this song:

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone;
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.
Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.
We can only know
The power that He holds
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes;
His strength in us begins
Where ours comes to an end.
He hears our humble cry and proves again . . .

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone;
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.
Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

 

The past couple of weeks I have been striving.  I have been trying to do this on my own.  By this, I mean being screamed at,

                      consistently, patiently disciplining,

                      dealing with ‘the system’,

                      making decisions that have eternal significance in the lives of five

                      other people,

                      emotionally taking on the burdens of two traumatized children,

                      and keeping up with the laundry. (Not really, but um, yeah.)

By striving to do it all on my own I’ve gotten myself worn thin, tired, burned out.

These last few days I finally got to a place where I was so tired, literally running on empty.  My attitude about all of this has been proof (just ask my husband). 

I’m at the point where I’ve got nothing left.

And then God gave me a gentle nudge.  He loves me enough to give me the straight talk.  He reminded me that I cannot do it.  I am not strong enough.  I am not naturally optimistic enough.  I’m not hard headed enough.  I am not enough.  But He is.

I am convinced that it is only when we reach the end of ourselves, the end of our strength, that we can truly find joy in even the hardest of circumstances.  It is only when we realize that we are not enough, that we realize who is.

And there is oh so much freedom in knowing that I am not enough.

Freedom that gives new meaning to the verse: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

It reminds me that no matter what he asks us to do (we are still working on a decision regarding the boys’ siblings) that he will supply the strength, he will supply the change in these little hearts he has trusted us with, and he does not expect us to do it alone. 

Because of this freedom I can be alright with whatever he asks us to do.  Should we decide that it is better to take the kids, I can relax fully in his strength, knowing there are not impossibilities with Him.  Should we decide that it is not prudent for us to take the kids, I can relax fully in His strength, knowing that He loves them more than we know.

 

I have reached my end.  And at my end I have found infinite strength.