Defining Relaxation.

Wow.  Last week was so. nice.

Is that terrible to say?

The boys were at overnight camp all week, and I seriously felt about 30 pounds lighter instantaneously.  {Which in reality would be really unhealthy, but in the proverbial sense, was *heavenly*.}  I got to hang with the Sylvie girl, say more than two words at a time to my husband, indulged in some minimal craftiness, and even got to go on a date.  Amazing.  I know. (Don’t generally ask other people to watch the boys.  Mostly  because I like having friends.)

 

And I didn’t get yelled at.

Every little bitty thing was not a huge confrontational mess.

I didn’t get called ‘woman’.  (whoever taught them that little charm, I’m not a fan.)

I didn’t have to leave dinner early.

And I didn’t have to have a battle strategy in mind every time I left the house.

 

*You know you’re a foster parent when the previous five sentences comprise your definition of relaxation.*  Ha!  Just kidding.  You really should foster.  You’d be great at it.

 

The boys have really been letting their true colors shine here lately, and we’re not talkin’ pretty rainbows.  I get so worn out.

Completely aside from the possible safety concerns, there are times that I just feel like throwing in the towel.  I so wish I didn’t feel that way – ever – but I think it kind of comes with the territory.  The territory of doing something hard.

And fostering is HARD.

 

But our pastor reminded me yesterday that God gives us trials for a reason.  He gives us what we need to get through.  He supplies what we need.  He will not leave us stranded.  He always knows best.  And we come out of trials better, stronger in faith, and better able to glorify Him. 

He also reminded me that when faced with trial we can respond in one of two ways:

   We can respond in the flesh.  Our instinct is to be selfish.  This is me wanting to quit.  This is me dwelling on how much easier life would be if we didn’t foster.  (Oh, so. much. easier.)

   Or we can respond with Joy.  Dependence on Him.  Reveling in the strength He provides.  Truly being satisfied in what He has for us.  Letting go of doubt. (Now that’s relaxation.)  This is me trusting that we can push through.  This is me knowing that there is always hope.  This is me loving these boys the way that God loves me when I turn from Him for the ten millionth time.

Lately I feel like I’ve been responding more in the former, and less in the latter.  Of course there is the whole mess with Jae pushing the limits with threats – but other than that,

I pray that I can respond with Joy and hope.