I said I’d be honest on here. And honestly,
We’re not sure what to do.
Zee really seems to be making progress in our home. I feel like our parenting is effective to some degree, he seems to be settling in, it seems like, for him, this is a good place to be.
Jae on the other hand… He is just very angry. And rightfully so, I’d be angry too. Being angry is a normal response in this situation. However, he also doesn’t know what to do with his anger. He does alright for a couple of days and then he just explodes. When he gets angry it’s really as if he loses control. He throws things, he kicks and hits the wall, he screams, and more recently, he makes threats.
The last time he had a really big explosion was right before Horn Creek. He was fine one moment, then Brian corrected him about something and told him that he needed to spend a few minutes in his room thinking about it – and he lost it. And the issue at hand is:
He made a couple of threats toward Sylvia.
He’s made threats toward Brian and I, and really that’s not a serious issue. I’m a big girl, I can read body language, I know de-escalation techniques, etc. But Sylvia’s safety is really where we are forced to draw the line. God has given me responsibility for her safety and her well being.
So the questions start.
Will he act out on his threats?
Do we assume he will? Can we assume he won’t?
Where do we draw the line?
Is this his behavior coming to a head? Or will it get worse?
Are we almost over some ambiguous hump?
Do we decide not to react? Not to make any harsh calls, until…
Until something does happen? No, no, that is not ok.
But it feels like to disrupt because of threats is premature. It feels like we are giving up on them. Because it’s likely that nothing would ever happen.
But is there a chance?
I am certain that it is best for the boys for them to stay here. I am not certain that it is the best thing to do.
So here we are.
The boys are at an overnight camp this week, and we are taking it as an opportunity to pray a lot about this situation. We will follow where God takes us – right now we are just so unclear.
I pray for clarity. I pray for trust. I pray for Jae’s heart. I pray for our discernment.
I plan on discussing this more with our caseworker and their therapist. I’d also like to see how things are after we get back into a routine after camp. At this moment, we are taking some time, I don’t know how much, to assess the situation and really feel like we are doing what needs to be done.
If you could pray for Jae, and for our discernment, we would so appreciate it. This is one of the things I hate about fostering. Every decision has such weight. Every decision is a big deal. None of them are easy. None of them are clear cut.