One Year.

 

  Miss Bella,

  You have been with us, a part of us, for one year as of today.  I can’t quite believe it, but when I think back at all we’ve been through together, sure enough, it’s at least a year’s worth.

 

When you came to us, you were so sick, I can’t even recognize you in the pictures of those first few months.  You were lost in there somewhere in the haze of trauma and cancer.

 

And now, after what seems like hundreds of hours at the hospital,

fever scares and E.R. trips,

heartbreaks of visits come and gone,

long nights, and sad days,

hard work at attachment,

patience tried, and sometimes failed,

love built slowly and cautiously,

hair and health and growth,

back and forths, ups and downs,

lots and lots and lots of puke,

trauma tantrums,

times when you liked me,

times when you hated me,

and finally times when you really trust me,

 

We have changed so much.  Both of us.  Forever.  No matter what happens, after this year, we are forever a part of each others hearts.

 

 

A year ago you were sleeping on a toddler bed in our room because you were so scared.  I was waking up three times a night to make sure, really sure, that your little forehead didn’t feel the slightest bit warm.  You wouldn’t let Brian get anywhere near you, and you never left my side.  Never.  You cried for hours at night.  You cried for hours during the day.  You slept a lot.  I’m pretty sure you didn’t like Sylvia, and Naomi was only a couple of months old.

We were not your family.

 

Now you are so full of joy.  We are by no means in the clear.  We are still working through trauma and hurt and food – and we will be as long as you are here with us.  But I see joy in your eyes. Joy and life and health.  Now you sleep in your own room and trust is displayed in how our bedtime routine (usually) happens without hours and hours of meltdown.  You are so healthy, most days I only think about your disease while I’m giving you your 593 medicines each morning and night.  (Maybe an exaggeration, but I’m sure it seems like 593 to you.)  Now you love Brian.  You always ask him to hold you and dance with you – and I only get to put you to bed every other night now.  You, Sylvia, and Naomi are sisters through and through.  You tell other people they are your sisters, Sylvia loves you so much, and Naomi lights up when you walk in the room.  We still have a lot of tears and hurt, but we share them now.  You trust us, we love each other.

We are your family.  Not your only family.  Not your first family.  But we are your family now.

 

 

Most days I can only see where we are right now and the struggles we still have day in and out.  But when I step back and look at where we have been?

Wow, girl, we have been through it.  And even if we are still in the thick of it, we are here for it all, forever.  Because you are my daughter.

 

 

God has used you in my life in ways that I’m not even able to articulate.  I love you Bella.  I’m not sure what this journey is headed to, but we’ll work through it.  Whether it’s forever or only for a few more months – we are in this together.  Here is to the next week, and the next month, and maybe even the next year or ten. 

 

I love you sweet girl.

 

Love you, love you, love you,

                   Mama

The 4th.

We had so much fun on July 4th, and I’m sure the girls would concur.  Tootaw was also visiting for a few days over the holiday, so not only were we celebrating the 4th of July, but we were celebrating it with our (soon to be) fourth daughter!

 

 

We started our day bright and early (of course.  is there any other way to start it with that many small children?) by going out to breakfast at IHOP.  Of course the girls were thrilled to get smiley face pancakes, and I was thrilled that they were so eager to gulp down their eggs first.

 

Can I just stop here to mention that the looks that you get from people when you have four kids four and under are completely different than the looks you get with three?  Everyone who saw us got wide eyed and started counting.  I could see it running through their heads, “How is that even possible?????”  It’s not. 

 

Then we went to a parade with our good friends, the Ketters.  It was super hot, but completely worth seeing the girls faces watching the parade, and watching them dance to all the marching bands.

 

Six very small girls (including the Ketter girls) makes for a lot of cuteness.

 

 

Sylvie and her best friend Elliana.  Not a great pic of Sylvie, but that ornery look actually pegs her pretty well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hopefully this is the closest Sylvia ever comes to meeting a cop while living under my roof.

 

 

 

Later that afternoon we got together at our house for a barbeque.  You can see all my cooking assistants lined up ready to help me.

 

 

 

Naomi hopped in the baby pool before we could even get a swimsuit on her – she loved it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MMmmmmm.

 

 

We had a great day.  We planned on ending it with going to see the fireworks, but the girls were worn out, and meltdowns ensued long before the fireworks were supposed to start.  We also had a great visit with Tootaw.  We’re going to begin the transition of her moving to our house – the caseworker said she’d like to do a slow transition (whatever that means.).  More on that later.  Hope you had a wonderful 4th as well!

Blueberry Picking!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The kids ate their weight in blueberries while picking them, they were sooooo good.    Can’t wait to make some muffins….mmmm… 

Spring at Grandma and Grandpa’s.

 

 

Naomi’s first four wheeler ride.  As expected, she enjoyed it much more than Sylvia ever has.  This girl is going to land us in the ER before long, I can feel it.

 

 

Bella riding with Brian.  She loves it.  Of course, Brian usually has his hands on the handlebars!

 

 

 

 

Hangin’ with Aunt Jen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrating Naomi-Roo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everybody singing Happy Birthday.

 

 

She wasn’t sure what to think about all that singing, but she ended up giving a super cheesy grin.

 

No fewer than 18 kids there all 7 (?)  and under.

 

Getting started on that dirt cake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bella got to be there!

 

 

Naomi in her gift from Nana and Grandpa.  She thought she was big stuff.

 

 

 

Great BBQ, whiffle ball, dirt cake, and fun were had by all.  Can’t believe my little baby is one year old.  We had so much fun celebrating her first year!