Everything Case Related.

 

 

  So I haven’t kept up with things at all here lately – although not due to laziness, that’s for sure.  Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I had pictured having Vida and then getting to avoid dealing with case-related stuff while I soaked up my family of seven.

  But caseworkers kept calling.  Therapists kept scheduling.  Visits kept happening.  Lots has happened.

 

  Regarding the upcoming termination trial – I am now sure that we (everyone excepting Mom’s attorney) are all on the same page as far as what needs to happen at this trial.  The girls need permanency, and at this point if you asked Bella where she wanted to be, it would be here.  Mom has made very little progress (very.) and with us going on two years in this case we need to find an end.

 

  The Make a Wish foundation came out and visited with us (!!) and Bella made her wish.  Sometime at the end of April or the beginning of May we will all be going to Disney World to have a meal with the princesses in their castle.  We will be there for 6 nights and 7 days, during which time we will try not to lose any of our five very small children.  I can’t tell you how excited I am for this.  I was so frustrated that it took so long for Make a Wish to process Bella’s case (due to the red tape with her being in foster care), but the timing could not be more perfect because:

 

  MARCH 22 IS THE END OF CANCER TREATMENT!!!  As of March 22 we will not have any more chemo, no more lumbar punctures, no more steroids, no more administering 8-10 meds at a time, no more holding our breath while waiting for her ANC levels to come back.  No. More.  So, along with it being shortly after the termination hearing, the trip will also land very shortly after the end of treatment.  So, our meal with the princesses will be one big party – thanking God that our sweet girl is healed, that we can all move past cancer and give it the big boot out of our lives.  AMEN.

 

  Unfortunately, amid all of this good news we’ve had some ups and downs with the girls.  They have continued to have one hour supervised visits with their mom – during which she made some very irresponsible promises.  i.e. promises about them going home forever.  This is not going to happen under any reasonable circumstances, and it completely stressed Bella out.  She was completely dis-regulated most of Christmas.  After the baby came it was completely stressing me out because she wasn’t acting like herself at all.  After her mom made these promises, her food issues began to surface again.  Refusal to eat, puking a couple times a day, coming home with a full lunch box.

  Our friend who drives Bella to school even mentioned that she noticed how stressed out Bella had been, and that then the day after the visit she was completely back to normal.  The visit, I should add, that she missed because she vomited all over the transporter’s car.  I felt so. bad. for him.  He should get a raise.  The next day our friend who drives her to school asked her how her visit went and she answered triumphantly, “I didn’t have to go because I threw up!”  Children should not have to vomit to make themselves heard.  That’s all I have to say.  And they’ve continued visits.  Luckily we’ve been able to deal with the food issues some, and keep most of the puking at bay – but there is still refusal to eat anytime she knows there is a visit approaching.  This week there was no visit – and there have been absolutely no food issues.

 

    We had Tootaw’s assessment shortly before Christmas (wow, I am really behind, huh?) and it confirmed most of what we were seeing.  Essentially they said, yeah, you’re totally right, we see these things too.  To which I said, “Wheeew”.  Because otherwise I might have thought I was losing it.  At the end of the initial assessment they had a few options: Not to have any further assessment at all, to have her further assessed in one or two areas, or to have a global assessment done of all areas.  They recommended the global assessment.  We have three appointments coming up where they will assess her in our home, through play therapy at their office, and then an appointment to tell us what all she qualifies for.  At that time, whoever she qualifies to work with (occupational therapist, language therapist, etc.) will begin coming to our home to work with her.  I think they will likely also recommend that she go into the early childhood special education pre-school as of next fall.

 

  In the midst of all of this, we have switched caseworkers…..again…..which hopefully won’t be too detrimental to the termination trial.

 

  I think (?) that’s most of what’s been going on as far as the girls case goes.  How has all of this happened while simultaneously adding a new baby to the family?  That is a good question.  Some days it feels completely overwhelming when I think of all our family constantly has going on – but most days it just feels like normal.  Our normal.  Which is never really all that normal.

On Food.

I’ve done lots of thinking and bouncing ideas back and forth with Bella’s therapist the past couple of days.

 

I reminded myself for the 598,000,000,000th time that this is not about me controlling a situation. And then I reminded myself again. Because when you’re in one of these situations, the adult/parent/everything everyone else tells you is the right thing to do reaction is to buckle down and hold your ground.

 

Not. the. point.

 

It’s not about controlling what she eats or when she eats or if she doesn’t eat when we eat she won’t eat until morning.

All things I’ve told myself a million times, but needed to hear it again to be able to come up with viable solutions to this vomit issue.

This is about trauma, and her needing to be able to control something in her little banged up, pushed around life.  Someday therapeutic parenting will come naturally to me.  Someday.

 

So,

I watched this video by Karen Purvis. (She’s my hero.)

 

Engaging Food Battles with Connection in Mind « Empowered To Connect

 

It won’t let me actually post the video on Blogger, but it’s totally worth the watch.

 

 

I think we’ve come up with a couple of therapeutic ways of giving her control, but also helping her to be healthy, love her body, and for goodness sakes, stop puking.

 

First,

in a last ditch effort that was not actually very thought through – and over all may not be the most therapeutic thing to do, I told her that any day that she does not puke at all that she will get a treat after dinner.

Treats hold mega sway with Bella.

Today, she came in to me after lunch and said, “Hey Maggie, I ate up all my lunch and I didn’t even throw up!  Maybe I’ll get a treat today!!”

Score!

 

Second, 

my sister gave me a great thought.  I realized that never, not once, have snacks been an issue.  It always revolves around meals.  So, I’m going to try to start getting her most of her food just through snacks.  Then I don’t have to worry about if she is getting too little if she refuses a meal, and that battle can be over.

Every day I’m going to make her a “snack bucket”.  I’m going to fill it with lots of snacks that are all healthy choices.  I’ll tell her that anytime she wants a snack just to ask and she can pick anything she wants out of her snack bucket.  This gives her complete control over choosing what she wants and when she wants it.  If I frame it all as a snack, then I don’t think we’ll have the puke issues (due to food control, anyway).  If she eats 10 snacks in a day, as long as they are all healthy, I don’t care – and then when we get to dinner and she refuses to eat, I don’t have to worry about if she’s gotten her nutrition.

 

 

I’m excited about this.

I feel like it’s a good way to treat both her body, and her trauma control fears.  It requires that I completely let go of any delusions of control, which is good for me too.

 

If it works out well, all we’ll have left is the vomiting from anxiety.  One issue at a time.  I’ll keep you posted.

Paint? No EAT! Pt. 2

Sylvia and I recently had some fun with pudding.  It reminded me of almost exactly one year ago when I did the same thing with X-Man.  Still miss him, still think about him, still pray for him.

 

Sylvia agreed with X-man – eating the pudding is much more fun than playing in it.  I tried to smoosh her hands in it just like I did with him.  “See, look!  It’s so much fun to make a mess in the pudding!!”  But Sylvie was not so much into the painting aspect of this craft.

 

Nom-nom. Instead she just licked it straight off the table.  Who needs spoons??

Once she couldn’t get any more up, she grabbed my hand and used it as a squeegee and then licked it off to get the rest.  She’s resourceful. 

“Mom, you wanted me to waste all this goodness on finger painting?  Have you tasted this???”

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Yes.  That is another shiner on her right eye.  That would make for number 4.  If she just didn’t run so much – and in circles to boot!)

Project 365 - Week 32

Visiting with the kiddos at the pumpkin farm.

 

Sylvia being dedicated.  You can see how happy she was about that!

 

Sylvie’s Birthday Party!  (more to come!)

 

Nom nom.

 

In her new wagon!

 

I am such a stinker!

Project 365 – Week 29

Mmmmm….Strawberry Shortcake

 

We’re just going to call this their first date.  Since they were matching and all.

Don’t worry Zack.  She may seem inattentive now, but I’m sure she’ll be more interested in a few years.  Or 25.

 

Double Mmmmm.  The homemade version of Red Lobster biscuits that Brian made for me.  I’m spoiled.  They were incredible.

 

Just chillin’ with my Mommy.  Life is good.

 

Workday for a not-for-profit downtown.  After taking this picture I mused that really all I needed was a dress and heels and I might be able to pull off a little June Cleaver action.  Then again, if I were wearing a dress and heels, I’d have been on my way home to change.

Project 365 – Week…uummm…

So this is my Project 365 post for the past, say, four weeks.  I really am going to get back on the ball with all this.

 

Me and my favorite Hannah B.  Love this girl.

 

Snugglin’ my daddy and my baby.

 

A terrible quality picture of my husband and I on a date.  But those are always worth documenting.

 

“I LOVE TO SWING!”

 

Helping Daddy carry the umbrella.

 

Me with my Aunt Gail.

 

Snugglin’ with my Grandpa.

 

Life is very hard, you know.

 

Especially now that I’ve learned how to throw fits.

Ava: What is she doing????

 

Porch Swingin’ with my Daddy.

 

And my Grandma.

 

Sylvie’s first trip to Shakespeare’s Pizza.  Definitely a momentous occasion.

 

Because Shakepeare’s is just that good.

 

Sylvie giving her cousin Timmy some love.

 

Just swingin.  (This is right before I dumped us both off onto the ground.)

 

Sylvia seems just as enthusiastic about reading the Wall Street Journal as her daddy is.

Maybe I should be worried.

For her Grandparents entertainment…

Sylvia trying her first food.  Bananas.

Her verdict?  It’s not like Mama’s cookin.

Project 365 – Week 6

 

Mommy and Sylvie.

 

Sylvie eating her first biter biscuit with Nana.  She loved it.  I’m pretty sure my mom wasn’t thrilled that I took this picture.

 

This is what I see when I go in to get Sylvie from her naps now.  Gone are the days that she just lays there content – she’s got places to go!

  Because when you’re a baby, even plumbers crack is cute.

As promised, the monthly Chik-fila picture.  Sylvie obviously knows where it’s at.

We help run our church’s monthly homeless outreach – we held a movie night last night and this little girl, NaKayla, was attached to me at the hip.  She informed me that Sylvia was the cutest baby (I’m not one to argue.), I should wear my hair down more often, and that I needed to learn how to dance – of course, she offered to teach me.

What? A picture of Sylvia? I wouldn’t have guessed.

But this picture is special because she’s wearing the first piece of clothing that I ever handcrafted for her.  I am very excited.  I royally screwed up this dress more than once during it’s making.  If it were up to me she’d wear it every day for the rest of her life – it was that much work.

Paint? No, EAT!

I thought X and I would have some fun finger painting. I was actually going to make these homemade finger paints...but then I opened our fridge and there was pudding in it! Lazy? No. The pudding would have gone bad otherwise.
Anyway, I was very excited about this fun activity. Much more excited than, say, X-man when I sat him on the table in the middle of a bunch of pudding. He was not a huge fan.

That is, until he found out it was EDIBLE. Oh, now this changes things. When he found out that he could eat the pudding, this was all of a sudden a very, very fun activity. I would try to smear his hands in it to encourage his finger painting skills - but the only thing he was interested in smearing was his hand across his mouth!
This may look like finger painting. But really, it is a very concerted effort to scrape ALL of the pudding off of the paper.

Boy oh boy, this kid's done a real 180 since way back when, yeah? I'll post an update when I hear anything about the court hearing.

Project 365 - Week 2

Our pictures for the week....

Happy Valentines Day from my Valentine - the Sylvie girl.
This would be why we don't have a t.v. This t.v. was still up from when we hosted a superbowl party - and anytime it was on, Sylvia was glued to it! (Not to mention her daddy!)
Ahhh. Chick-fil-a deserves at least one picture a month. Seriously. This place is a wonderful haven for a half-mad mom at lunch time. It's wonderful.

The heart says "marry me". For those who don't know....Brian used conversation hearts that said "marry me" to propose. A special place in my heart. (No pun intended)
This is what Sylvia does when I sing to her. It's precious. She gets all excited and smiley and can hardly contain herself. LOVE it.
She loves her mommy.
Our weekly Sunday morning breakfast....Jiffy muffins. I look forward to this.


I just realized that 2 of the seven pictures this week are about food. And really, I almost posted a picture of where Brian and I went to dinner for valentines day too. But - food generally brings joy. Jesus used food as fellowship. These are excuses - but I LOVE food.
X-man has been spending weekends at his brothers' foster home. He is supposed to be transitioning to living there so that he can be with said brothers - however we've been told that he's supposed to be moving for 4 months now. We really think it will be soon now. Which makes my heart sad - but it will be best for him. This weekend is a long weekend for the kids, so he's staying until tomorrow. And I miss him. I wish he were here tonight to watch the Olympics with us curled up in our pj's. I miss his laugh. Can't wait to hear it tomorrow.