Processing.

  Let’s see.  Where to start?

 

Well, I caught the Virus From the Bowels of Hades *VFBH* (that’s the proper name.  or maybe just what I call it.  It is definitely the appropriate name.).  You know how lovingly children share their germs.  If we could universalize their willingness to share germs, our lives would be so much easier. 

Anyway – I had the VFBH for approximately 11 days.

Holy. Cow.

High fevers upwards of 103.  My entire mouth swelled up.  I couldn’t eat.  For 11 days.  Have you ever had to drink Ensure?  Avoid it. 

We got the VFBH from Bella.  That’s one of those nuggets that people rarely share about fostering.  Kids coming from *less than ideal* environments can bring all kinds of *less than ideal* ailments with them.  Lice, scabies, thrush, random rashes, VFBH’s.  Sometimes they’re just part of it – and life goes on.

But I’m pretty sure that if I had taken a picture of my mouth last week and posted it on the blog   …..   you would never ever foster.  So I won’t.

In other news, we are in the thick of processing all  that is going on with Bella.

Recently she’s started role playing her situation while she and Sylvia are playing pretend.

She role plays that she has a meeting to go to and that at the meeting they are going to decide if she can go home.

She role plays that she is going on an overnight visit and explains to Sylvia how much she will miss her while she is gone.

She role plays that she is going to court and that the judge has to make big decisions.

It breaks my heart to hear her.  She should be pretending to be a Mommy cuddling her baby.  She should be pretending to go to work, or pretending that she’s going grocery shopping, or pretending that she’s going somewhere with her friends.  Instead she’s pretending things that she shouldn’t even be able to imagine, things much too big for her four year old little mind.

But, I also know that this is how she is processing what is happening, and that it is good for her to work through these situations in her mind.  For her to be able to imagine an end to her situation, and for her to be able to try to make sense of everything that is happening.  When she’s playing pretend is the only time that she has to have any control over what is happening to her at all.

 

She’s also started asking questions about what will happen to me and Sylvia when she goes home.  As a foster parent it is difficult - I rarely have much more information than she does (which is ridiculous.) – and so answering her questions is usually just some vague bs’ing done in such a way as to aid her healing rather than open fresh scabs.  I pray that we’ll be able to stay in contact when she goes home, and that we’ll be able to serve her family in whatever ways we can to benefit Bella.  We’ll see.

They’ve started having visits in her home, which makes everything about 200% more difficult.  It is a necessary step toward going home, but I wish they would wait until reunification is imminent.  Emotionally this wrecks her.  She pays an emotional toll for it all week long, which means that we do to.  We’ve been dealing with pretty significant defiance and tantrums that are obviously triggered by the visits. 

Foster care and reunification is always a catch 22 it seems.

Her treatment is going wonderfully.  She’s healthy as can be, which is no small blessing.  Seeing how her health has turned around since she’s come to us makes me ache inside at the thought of her returning to an environment that was keeping her sick. 

 

Anyway – long and boring post, but wanted to get a brief update posted.

 

Always so much to process.  Always.

Pills, pills, pills.

When I was little and our family would make our 24 hour car ride out to Arizona each year to see my grandparents, I would always sleep on the floor of the living room in their little trailer.  I distinctly remember every morning, my grandpa getting up and (while making an unbelievable amount of noise with the cabinet doors and pans) getting ready for the day.  He’d also sing a little ditty that went “Pills, pills, pills, look at all these pills”, while he was getting he and my grandma’s meds ready for the day.  I don’t know why I remember that.

 

I think I’m going to adopt his song though.

 

Bella started maintenance on Monday for her treatment.  This is great news, because it seems that mostly we’re coasting for the next year and a half until her treatment is done. 

Thus far, the maintenance meds and treatment don’t seem to be getting her down much – no nausea, no energy loss, no losing feeling in her feet.  (all side effects.)  So we are singing our thanks for that.

 

With maintenance, we were given 4 new meds – which brings us to errrr….13 or 14 I think.

Like I said…..Pills, pills, pills.

Although most of hers are liquid (thank goodness) and also taste really good according to Bella, so that makes our lives much easier.  Mostly it’s just a matter of getting into routines with the meds every time they change them so that I can remember what comes in the morning and what comes at night.

 

But….all of her counts are high, they say that she seems to be reacting to the treatment well, and I think we are past most of the scary stuff.  I’m not sure we’re completely in the clear as far as remission goes, but I think we’re getting there!

The doctor even cleared for her to start preschool!!  We weren’t able to at the beginning of the year because she was still too susceptible to infection and germs – but the doc says we can give it a go!  I’m so excited – I think she will loooove going to preschool – I can’t wait to get to tell her when we get her enrolled.

No news on Bella’s sister.  We’ll see I suppose.

 

 

Good news on all fronts.  Feeling very blessed.

Rogaine Shmogaine.

I love this little girl.

 

One week ago today Ms. Bella had the last of her third round of treatment.  She is so brave, and I could not be more proud of her.  The joy while leaving that hospital on Tuesday was so thick you could taste it (and we did.  via an ice cream treat.  that’s the same as joy, isn’t it?). 

We’re not done yet.  Now she goes on maintenance for the next year and a half.  But on maintenance we only have to go to the hospital once a month (!!) and most of her treatment is home administered.  It adds to our ridiculous collection of medication under our sink, but I am so excited that she won’t have to be pricked and prodded for every round of treatment now.

Her body has responded very well to treatment so far.  Since she came to us her counts (which basically tell you how well her body can fight off infection) have only risen, and for several weeks have been at the same level as someone without her disease.  Amazing.  God is good.  (Thank you for your prayers.)

 

And did you catch it?  In that picture up there?

 

 

Hair. And those eyelashes?  I’ve never seen such eyelashes before.

She is a perfectly beautiful little girl without it.  From the inside out.  And if you know her for more than five minutes, you don’t even notice anymore.

But it means more than beauty.  It means health. growth. improvement. 

When she’s in the tub and I reach down to wash it (because it’s long enough to wash now!) it’s like seeing God’s rainbow in the sky.  A promise.  Things are getting better.  She is getting better.

Every blessing you pour out I’ll turn back to praise.

Always an adventure.

  Sylvia’s had quite the crash course in sharing these past few weeks – but I think that she’s getting the hang of it, and I think we’re all settling into a new normal.  Which is good, because it seems Bella will be with us for a while.

 

She really enjoys stealing my iPhone and taking pictures.

 

  Brian and I had no peace about asking her to move, but we just weren’t sure what to do.  The situation really seemed pretty impossible given our family’s life stage right now.  The medical side of things is just so intense, and we couldn’t figure out how to make it work with two other little ones.  But like I said, we had no peace. 

 

  We prayed about it.  A lot.  We weren’t sure how we were going to do it, but we were pretty sure that saying no was not the right answer.  We decided to try to make it work, and see what God had in mind in telling us not to give up.

 

I find pictures like this on it all. the. time.

 

  The very next day we got a call from the hospital telling us that they could set us up with a home health nurse who could come to our house to do all of her labs.

  We also have a resource family worker that is willing to do almost anything to provide us with support.  She’s really great.

  On top of all of that we were (finally) given a solid outline of her treatment schedule from here on out.  She has treatment every ten days until the beginning of September – and then she only has it once per month!  Doable.  She has one or two labs between each treatment, but those can be done at our house.

  Last, but not least, the caseworker set up visits for treatment days, so a family member will be there for her treatments – I take her and pick her up.

 

Obedience.  Provision.  God is good.

 

 

  So, little Bella is a part of our family for some unknown amount of time.  Things have been crazy, but also very blessed.  For every challenge there is a blessing, and we will only linger on the latter.

 

  I pray so intensely that she can go home safely and in a timely manner.  She is homesick like no child I’ve ever seen – which is probably significant.

 

Until then, a family of five we will be.