The Pearl.

Well, I realize that I’ve not been around here much lately.  God’s been busy around the Popp house creating some waves that are beginning to look a little more like a tsunami.  To us anyway.  To God it probably looks like we’re splashing in puddles.

 

Do you remember this post?  I talked about how I knew in my heart that God was preparing us for something, but that I had no idea what it was.  I knew the wind was picking up, but I had no idea where this tsunami was going to come from.

 

Well, God was faithful in revealing the pearl he has for us.  As if I should be surprised.  Looking back on that post, it is still a mystery to me how God works.  How he put a desire, a longing, a burden on my heart to prepare me for what he would ask of us.  (This post leaves me in awe of His planning as well.  And this one just seems a little ironic at this point.)

 

God has presented Brian and I with an opportunity to take our family to Tanzania.  To live.  There.  In Tanzania.  As in,

 

We would be serving as administrators for an orphanage there called Samaritan Village in Arusha.  We’d also be working as communication between the board of directors here, and the board of directors there.  (This requires learning Swahili.  No big deal, right?)  There is such a huge need for this there.  The orphan crisis is doing nothing but growing, and if these babies don’t have somewhere to go, then quite simply, they just die.

The organization is also working on building a second orphanage about an hour away that we would help with as well.  All of the other people who work at the orphanage are locals, but there are a few other Americans in Arusha serving as missionaries in different ways. 

 

So yeah.  It’s looking really, very possible that we will be moving to Africa.  We’d likely go sometime in late summer of next year.  Between now and then we would have to sell our house, sell our cars, have a baby, raise financial support for our time there, put all our stuff in storage, and move.

 

This isn’t something that we pursued, which is one of the reasons it is so evident to us that God is orchestrating all of this.  We were surprised.  He is not.

I’m going to try to put into words how this all came about – but it will take some time, so all  that for another post.  I’ll also try to share more about the orphan crisis and the need there, and about why in the world we would move our family to the other side of the world. 

So far this has been one of the most blessed, scary, awe inspiring, humbling, and challenging experiences we have faced – and it’s certain to not get any less so in the coming months!

 

So there you have it.  When God is preparing you for something, hold on, cause he might just send you to Africa.

Daddy's View: A conversation with Jae

(just after we said our good night prayers, I realized I hadn't given Jae a hug, so I went back into his room to find him gently crying)
Brian: "Jae, I forgot to ask if you wanted a hug before you went to bed, do you want a hug?"
Jae: (sniffles a bit) "Brian, I have a question, tell me if this sounds fair: At camp I met a foster kid who has been away from his mom for seven years, even though his brother still lives with his mom.  How is that fair?
Brian: "I don't know Jae"
Jae: "And now he says he gets to go back to his mother.  He's so lucky."

Jae: "Brian, I have a question: who invented foster care?"
Brian: "I don't know Jae.  It was created to keep kids safe though"
Jae: "I hate that person.   I wish it didn't exist to I could be with my mother."
Brian: "Jae, I wish foster care didn't have to exist either."
Jae: "I don't even know why I'm in foster care, it's so confusing.  Do you know why I'm here?"
Brian: "Because it wasn't safe for you to be at your house anymore, Jae."
Jae: "But I felt safe, who says it's not safe?"
Brian: "The people who's job it is to keep you safe."
Jae: "You don't even know how hard it is for me right now.
(eyes well up again)
I'm scared.  I could be adopted by somebody I don't even know.  What if I don't like them?"
Brian: "Jae, when you moved here you didn't know me and Maggie, right?"
Jae: "Yeah, but I've been here for three months now."
Brian: "But now you know us and love us and know that you are loved here.  Whoever adopts you will love you too."
Jae: "I just want to be adopted by my family."
Brian: (now I'm crying too) "Jae, I cry for you guys all the time.  I wish I could just make it go away, make it all go away and just be normal, but I can't.  All I can do is love you, and try to make you understand that God loves you, and that he has a plan for you."
Jae: "God doesn't have a plan for me."
Brian: "Yes he does Jae, he will use you for great things if you let him.

I love you  Jae.  Good night."

As Clear as Mud.

I said I’d be honest on here.  And honestly,

We’re not sure what to do.

Zee really seems to be making progress in our home. I feel like our parenting is effective to some degree, he seems to be settling in, it seems like, for him, this is a good place to be.

Jae on the other hand…  He is just very angry.  And rightfully so, I’d be angry too.  Being angry is a normal response in this situation.  However, he also doesn’t know what to do with his anger.  He does alright for a couple of days and then he just explodes.  When he gets angry it’s really as if he loses control.  He throws things, he kicks and hits the wall, he screams, and more recently, he makes threats.

The last time he had a really big explosion was right before Horn Creek.  He was fine one moment, then Brian corrected him about something and told him that he needed to spend a few minutes in his room thinking about it – and he lost it.  And the issue at hand is:

He made a couple of threats toward Sylvia.

He’s made threats toward Brian and I, and really that’s not a serious issue.  I’m a big girl, I can read body language, I know de-escalation techniques, etc.  But Sylvia’s safety is really where we are forced to draw the line.  God has given me responsibility for her safety and her well being. 

So the questions start.

Will he act out on his threats?

Do we assume he will?  Can we assume he won’t?

Where do we draw the line?

Is this his behavior coming to a head?  Or will it get worse?

Are we almost over some ambiguous hump?

Do we decide not to react?  Not to make any harsh calls, until…

Until something does happen?  No, no, that is not ok.

But it feels like to disrupt because of threats is premature.  It feels like we are giving up on them.  Because it’s likely that nothing would ever happen.

But is there a chance?

I am certain that it is best for the boys for them to stay here.  I am not certain that it is the best thing to do.

So here we are.

 

The boys are at an overnight camp this week, and we are taking it as an opportunity to pray a lot about this situation.  We will follow where God takes us – right now we are just so unclear.

I pray for clarity.  I pray for trust.  I pray for Jae’s heart.  I pray for our discernment.

I plan on discussing this more with our caseworker and their therapist.  I’d also like to see how things are after we get back into a routine after camp.  At this moment, we are taking some time, I don’t know how much, to assess the situation and really feel like we are doing what needs to be done. 

If you could pray for Jae, and for our discernment, we would so appreciate it.  This is one of the things I hate about fostering.  Every decision has such weight.  Every decision is a big deal. None of them are easy. None of them are clear cut.