Around.

 

 

It’s been a while since I’ve been around here.

I think I just needed a break.  Mostly, I think I just needed to step away long enough as to give myself permission for this not to be a priority.  I was letting it stress me out when I couldn’t stay updated on everything, or when I couldn’t answer every e-mail that came in – so, I’m back-ish, but maybe not as consistently.

I do wholeheartedly appreciate the comments and the e-mails making sure that everything was alright and saying you were still checking just in case.  It really did bless my heart.

So, a very abbreviated update of what is going on around the Popp house:

 

adoption.

  We are working forward on the adoption.  At least that’s what they are telling us.  We had two caseworkers in a row that didn’t do a single. thing. on the adoption while they were on the case.  Essentially we are still at square one, when we were supposed to be finalizing in December.  I’m irked.  Two and a half years.  That’s how long my babies have been in the system.  Let’s get it together DCFS.  Once the adoption is completed there will be no shortage of ‘constructive criticism’ directed toward the agency in charge.  State, consider yourself warned.

 

homeschooling.

  I started homeschooling this year.  I can’t homeschool Bella yet, because in our state you cannot homeschool children that are in the state’s custody.  The plan is for her to start staying home after the adoption.  So, right now I’m doing preschool with Tootaw and Sylvia, with a very eager Naomi at their heels and a very curious Vi pulling everything out of every drawer she can find while we work.  It’s busy, but it is so fun. 

 

extra services.

  Tootaw still has the early childhood special ed teachers coming to the house twice a week – but after coming out to our house for seven months they have basically concluded that they aren’t doing anything that we aren’t already doing at home.  So, I think they’ll be ending services soon – which is actually a little bit of a relief. 
  Homeschooling seems to be the route for Tootaw for sure – we have seen SO MUCH progress just in the last three months.  SO MUCH.  She’s doing great, and as I continue to learn more and more how to cater to her sensory needs it will be even better.  Praise Jesus.  Progress we weren’t sure we’d ever see.

 

empowered to connect.

  This summer we were trained to be Empowered to Connect trainers.  We didn’t waste any time, and we’re actually already finishing up our first class.  It has been such a blessing to share this curriculum.  We can’t wait to see where God takes it, and how he is going to use us in this amazing ministry.
  Brian and I are also co-developing a foster and adoption care ministry at our church.  Still in the grass roots stages – but so excited for where it’s headed!

 

kiddos.

  They’re all getting so big.  Now I can say we have five kids ages 6 and under, which gets a lot fewer crazy faces than five ages 5 and under.  Of course, we’re always anticipating DCFS calling us with the girls’ baby sister.  I think about her all the time.

Vi.  So big.

 

Sylvie at her fourth birthday breakfast.

 

Naomi, very quick to remind you that she is two and a half.

 

…I can’t wait to get to share pictures of Tootaw and Bella.  Soon.  So soon.

 

Until next time.

Everything Case Related.

 

 

  So I haven’t kept up with things at all here lately – although not due to laziness, that’s for sure.  Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I had pictured having Vida and then getting to avoid dealing with case-related stuff while I soaked up my family of seven.

  But caseworkers kept calling.  Therapists kept scheduling.  Visits kept happening.  Lots has happened.

 

  Regarding the upcoming termination trial – I am now sure that we (everyone excepting Mom’s attorney) are all on the same page as far as what needs to happen at this trial.  The girls need permanency, and at this point if you asked Bella where she wanted to be, it would be here.  Mom has made very little progress (very.) and with us going on two years in this case we need to find an end.

 

  The Make a Wish foundation came out and visited with us (!!) and Bella made her wish.  Sometime at the end of April or the beginning of May we will all be going to Disney World to have a meal with the princesses in their castle.  We will be there for 6 nights and 7 days, during which time we will try not to lose any of our five very small children.  I can’t tell you how excited I am for this.  I was so frustrated that it took so long for Make a Wish to process Bella’s case (due to the red tape with her being in foster care), but the timing could not be more perfect because:

 

  MARCH 22 IS THE END OF CANCER TREATMENT!!!  As of March 22 we will not have any more chemo, no more lumbar punctures, no more steroids, no more administering 8-10 meds at a time, no more holding our breath while waiting for her ANC levels to come back.  No. More.  So, along with it being shortly after the termination hearing, the trip will also land very shortly after the end of treatment.  So, our meal with the princesses will be one big party – thanking God that our sweet girl is healed, that we can all move past cancer and give it the big boot out of our lives.  AMEN.

 

  Unfortunately, amid all of this good news we’ve had some ups and downs with the girls.  They have continued to have one hour supervised visits with their mom – during which she made some very irresponsible promises.  i.e. promises about them going home forever.  This is not going to happen under any reasonable circumstances, and it completely stressed Bella out.  She was completely dis-regulated most of Christmas.  After the baby came it was completely stressing me out because she wasn’t acting like herself at all.  After her mom made these promises, her food issues began to surface again.  Refusal to eat, puking a couple times a day, coming home with a full lunch box.

  Our friend who drives Bella to school even mentioned that she noticed how stressed out Bella had been, and that then the day after the visit she was completely back to normal.  The visit, I should add, that she missed because she vomited all over the transporter’s car.  I felt so. bad. for him.  He should get a raise.  The next day our friend who drives her to school asked her how her visit went and she answered triumphantly, “I didn’t have to go because I threw up!”  Children should not have to vomit to make themselves heard.  That’s all I have to say.  And they’ve continued visits.  Luckily we’ve been able to deal with the food issues some, and keep most of the puking at bay – but there is still refusal to eat anytime she knows there is a visit approaching.  This week there was no visit – and there have been absolutely no food issues.

 

    We had Tootaw’s assessment shortly before Christmas (wow, I am really behind, huh?) and it confirmed most of what we were seeing.  Essentially they said, yeah, you’re totally right, we see these things too.  To which I said, “Wheeew”.  Because otherwise I might have thought I was losing it.  At the end of the initial assessment they had a few options: Not to have any further assessment at all, to have her further assessed in one or two areas, or to have a global assessment done of all areas.  They recommended the global assessment.  We have three appointments coming up where they will assess her in our home, through play therapy at their office, and then an appointment to tell us what all she qualifies for.  At that time, whoever she qualifies to work with (occupational therapist, language therapist, etc.) will begin coming to our home to work with her.  I think they will likely also recommend that she go into the early childhood special education pre-school as of next fall.

 

  In the midst of all of this, we have switched caseworkers…..again…..which hopefully won’t be too detrimental to the termination trial.

 

  I think (?) that’s most of what’s been going on as far as the girls case goes.  How has all of this happened while simultaneously adding a new baby to the family?  That is a good question.  Some days it feels completely overwhelming when I think of all our family constantly has going on – but most days it just feels like normal.  Our normal.  Which is never really all that normal.

Even Hope in the Ashes.

We finally just got a call from the caseworker regarding yesterday’s hearing.

 

The conversation started like this:

Caseworker: Well, I have to call and tell you this, but you aren’t going to like it.

 

If that’s not a stellar set up, then I don’t know what is.

Essentially, this is what happened -

 

I guess in our state, the state has to file a “motion to sever parental rights” before the goal can officially be changed to adoption, or a TPR hearing can be set.  (Different than the state I worked in.)

This motion was not filed prior to the hearing yesterday.  I’m really trying not to feel frustrated (read: irate) about this, because I don’t even know who to be upset at.  I’m not certain who’s responsibility it was to file it.

 

So the state is going to file the motion sometime in the next two weeks, with a new hearing set for October 18th.  Prior to the hearing they will have a conference to determine whether or not enough “progress” has been made to keep them from setting a TPR hearing.  (How could that be possible?  What, so, in the next three weeks we’re going to obtain housing, clean UA’s, a job, therapy, etc.?  I can’t imagine what “enough” is at this point.)  If they can’t find valid progress, on October 18th they will set it out for a TPR hearing.

 

But here’s the kicker.  The judge, in all his wisdom, after reading the court report at the start of the hearing, ordered that between now and October 18th that the girls have visits with Mom.

Really?

Did you miss that part about Bella throwing up 4 times a week while having visits?

And also did you miss that she has a potentially terminal illness that could be effected by that kind of stress on her body?

And that part that talked about how since visits have stopped completely that the girls’ health, behavior, stress and anxiety levels, and food issues have all vastly improved?  What about that?

And I can’t figure out what in the world makes anyone think that Mom is going to be stable and actually stick around for long enough to accomplish anything.  Did we forget that she just showed up out of nowhere after going missing for 6 months?

 

I know what this sounds like – and I am not that foster parent.  Brian and I bent over backward for the better part of this case to support reunification – we were Mom and Dad’s biggest advocates, strongest cheerleaders.

 

But now you’re going to go and screw with my girls – further traumatize them – when it’s clear this case is going nowhere?

 

It’s not a good idea to piss a Mama off like that.

 

 

 

Ugh.

So for now, I will do the only thing that I can do, and that is to take it to Jesus.  I know that in the end, he can work out all things for the good of those that love Him – and I am trusting, that eventually, in time, He will do the same here.

I will pray for my girls.

I will pray for the case.

I will continue to pray for their parents.  For redemption in their lives and healing for their brokenness – just not while they are simultaneously further traumatizing their children.  My children.

Lord, bring beauty from these ashes.  Be glorified.  Show us how to love well when it is so difficult to forgive and let go.  You are here even when it all seems so broken – remind me of my brokenness so that I can love instead of judge, and forgive instead of harbor anger.

You are the loving redeemer.  Redeem this, Lord.  Redeem this.

Update, waiting, trusting.

 

 

I couldn’t possibly update you on everything that’s been happening, because even just the past week has been insane – lots of scary unknown illness, lots of case plan craziness, lots of drama that I don’t even like to think about in my own head – so I won’t share it with yours.

 

So anyway,  things that are pertinent and need prayer.

 

Bella and Tootaw have a hearing this Thursday. 

 

Brake.  Rewind.  I don’t think I’ve let you in on the fact that Dad has been MIA for the last 8 weeks.  Don’t know where he is, can’t get a hold of him, no contact with the agency – poof.

 

So, like I said, a hearing this Thursday, and although I think it’s where we’d be anyway, due to Mom and Dad’s disappearances and other shenanigans as of late, she is definitely recommending that the case goal be changed to adoption.

Shivers.

This means lots of pain and processing for my girls.  This means that we may become forever sooner than later.  This means that my daughters will finally be able to work toward some healing.  This means that my four girls would officially and legally be sisters (ya know, after like, three more court hearings.)

 

 

Overall I think that at this point this is what is best for the girls – but it is still heartbreaking.  I get easily overwhelmed at the thought of all that they will have to process, the hurdles they must cross, and the hurt they will encounter.  But, God is good, and he will walk us through this marathon one step at a time until we reach the end.  I do pray that at this point they go ahead and change the goal.  For the goal to remain reunification seems an act of futility with the direction the case has taken in the last 6-8 months.

 

If you could pray for the hearing, I would be so grateful.  It seems like we are waiting anxiously for something so momentous, but equally as devastating.

 

 

And, of course, foster care could not be so obliging as to make for an easy decision…

So two weeks before the hearing, who shows up out of nowhere? 

Mom.

Requesting a visit.

After 6 months of being MIA.

This post would quickly be much too long if I went into how infuriating that is to me.  BUT, praise God, the caseworker sees things the same way that we do and acknowledges how traumatic it would be for the girls to have a visit at this point.  She has decided no visit prior to the hearing, and only afterward if it is court ordered.  That was a blessing for us, for the girls, and for Bella’s health.

 

 

So, that is a (very) quick recap of where we are in the girls’ case right now.  Thursday couldn’t be over fast enough.  We will see what happens, for now, just trying to trust.

Unorganized update.

 

Updating on Bella’s case would be like giving a second by second report on the goings on of a elementary school playground teeter-totter. 

Not that there have even been a lot of ups lately – actually none.  Lots and lots of downward spiral.  It feels like in the last three months the case has imploded on itself.

 

Of course, we’re rarely informed of exactly what is going on, so we’re just hanging on by the skin of our teeth while this roller coaster daily changes where we think our family will be six months from now.

 

 

We’re doing a second visit with Bella’s sister July 3-5 – (long story on why it has taken so long for a second visit.  Not worth the drama).  As long as it goes well, we are hoping that maybe she could move in before we go to Horn Creek Foster and Adoptive Family Camp – which would be super exciting and a great bonding experience as she enters our family.

I’m not sure the likelihood of that, as the caseworkers have been pretty preoccupied with Mom and Dad’s shenanigans here lately.  Also, if things continue as they are – that would definitely make 5 kids 5 and under as of January. 

 

Right now we’re trying to prepare ourselves for the possibility of adoption, while still investing ourselves in reunification efforts.  Although, I have to admit, I’m feeling pretty frustrated at this point.  I feel like we have worked really hard to support reunification in this case – and in many instances it feels like Mom and Dad are just throwing it all away.  Trying not to lose hope.

 

 

 

On a positive note:  Three weeks ago they reduced her visits from weekend overnights, to two hour supervised visits once per week.  (This is not so positive…but…)  Since they cut them back, Bella has not puked AT ALL.  Not one anxiety puke, not one food struggle puke.  Nothing.  Holy cow, I cannot explain to you how exciting that is!  The food struggle is absolutely still there, but has become easier since the decrease in visits, and she is clearly happier, more at peace, and actually able to enjoy herself.  It is such a blessing to see joy in her eyes again. 

Which has me praying that what ever direction this case is going to take, that it would just get on with it already.  She has been with us for one year as of next week, and if anything, we are in a worse place now than we were at the start – absolutely no sign of consistent progress.  I think some solid calls need to be made, that’s for sure.

 

 

  On a final sidenote – Bella started dance classes last week, and it was stinkin’ adorable.  Not that she had much interest in actually doing what the teacher said – she was a bit cautious to begin with, but I think as time goes on she’ll get into it.  4 and 5 year olds in leotards?  Too cute.

Bella the beautiful.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated on what’s going on with Bella.  Or maybe it just seems that way because everything has been changing approximately every other day.

I’m ready for things to settle down, but it doesn’t look likely any time soon.

 

 

Don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but Mom is MIA.  For over two weeks now, no one has heard from her, no one knows where she is.  I can only speculate as to what is going on – having either to do with giving up hope that her life can change or drugs, or both I suppose – but like I said, only speculation.

 

This has thrown a wrench in things.  Visits had already been cut down, and had been scheduled for Wednesday evenings through Friday evenings.  That lasted a whopping two weeks before Mom went missing.  Dad is working is butt off to pay the bills and get his girls home, so he’s not home during the week to be able to watch them during a weekday visit.  Because of Mom’s disappearance, it had been two weeks since Bella last saw her Dad.

I scrambled and made about 50 phone calls last week to put together a visit for last weekend with Dad.  To my knowledge (not saying much, since we’re the last to know everything) Dad has only been progressing in the case and working very hard to get his girls home, so I was determined to get he and Bella a visit.

Brian and I ended up just driving her down to her Dad’s house (we live an hour and a half apart) on Friday night so that he could have her for the weekend.  It turned out to be a great way to show the caseworkers how invested we are in getting her back home, as well as a great way to build our relationship with her Dad and show him our support in reunification. 

 

In other news….

 

 

Check out that hair!

It’s getting long now!  And it is incredibly curly, thick, shiny, and beautiful.  She loves for me to put a rubber band in it in the front, which mostly just makes it stick straight up, but I think at this point, she deserves to wear it however she wants!  After she gets out of the bath sometimes I put some mousse in it and with her curls defined it is adorable.  Every time I do it I’m reminded of how sick she was when she came – with not a hair on her entire body! – and now she has a beautiful headful of hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows!

We just went to the doctor today and everything came back great.  She is getting healthier by the day!  They’ve been tracking her more closely than they do the average patient, and they said they can see a difference in her weight gain and nutrition during times she is mostly with us vs. mostly at home.  Makes me nervous.

 

We’re still waiting, impatiently, to hear anything more from Make a Wish.  I called them three times last week.  Like I said, impatiently.

 

If you made it this far, I’m impressed.  Just wanted to get an update posted!  Off to go on a bike ride with my girls!

Caseplan.

Bella's case plan meeting was two and a half weeks ago - I just suck at getting updates posted in any timely manner.

I think it has something to do with the children who have, in the last 24 hours, squeezed all of my lotion out onto the floor and practically bathed in it, covered the kitchen floor in thousands of tiny pieces of paper bag confetti, and opened every card game that we own and mixed all of the cards together into one big mixed up pile - all in the name of having fun.

The case plan meeting went very well.

Dad is still very motivated and doing everything he is asked. Mom (more recently) has really gotten on board and is seeming much more excited to get the girls home.

The plan is to officially, 100% transition Bella home at the very beginning of March. Her next court date is March 1, and they will move her in the days following. Between now and then, they will continue to do weekend visits and possibly start extending them into the week.

They've done a very thorough job at planning this transition. They have slowly increased visits, and will continue to do so, while monitoring how things are going. They have put family therapy in place that will help the family with nutrition and family interaction. And after Bella transitions home, they will continue to monitor how everything is going in the home for three months. I have to say, I am impressed. This is the best we've seen the system work thus far.

It is also helpful that we have had the opportunity to develop a good relationship with Bella's parents. I see them at every doctor's appointment, which is very frequent. They also call every night to talk to Bella, which keeps communication open between us. Bella's Dad has always been very excited to tell us about his progress, and we've been happy to provide support and encouragement along the way.

The only thing that concerns me is the emotional toll it is taking on Bella to go back and forth between our house and her parent's house. Every weekend she goes there for 2-3 days (soon to be more) and then has to leave again and come back to our house. It has been extraordinarily difficult for her to process.

In her attempt to process the back and forth, trauma related behaviors have snuck up and attacked. Huge, long, irrational tantrums are our norm these days. We've also seen a lot more defiance and disrespect. We've also seen a handful of behaviors tossed in that, "I get to do at my Mom and Dad's house." Pleasant things like spitting at us when she gets an unfavorable answer. It breaks my heart to see all of it. It isn't her, it's her pain. She's like a completely different child.

I'm just concerned because she will continue to be put through the proverbial wringer for another two months before she can finally find a resting place and consistency. I'm not sure there is a better answer though.

 

Anyway, we are officially transitioning her home.

Answered prayer, aching heart.

It’s been really busy?

 

I guess that’s my excuse for telling you that Bella had a hearing, and then not updating.

But you all let me know.

So here’s an update, for all the e-mails and questions! 

(I feel very blessed that there are so many people who care to stay updated!)

 

All reports at court were good!

I knew that Dad was doing well – he’s been very motivated since day one.  Mom I was a little more concerned about – but apparently she’s come around and is doing very well also.

They have planned for Bella to start doing overnight visits every Saturday beginning in a week and a half.  These overnights will culminate in a four day visit over Christmas (hard not to have mixed emotions over that!).

Also, the court approved for them to have a 30 day trial home visit some time in the next 90 days.  I’m guessing it will start some time in January.

 

Honestly – this is what foster care should look like.

Motivated parents, progress, teamwork to overcome barriers to reunification.  I am so thankful for progress that is cautious.  Progress that includes the agency still keeping tabs on how things are going, and setting the parents up for success.  Progress that is not overwhelming for Bella, her parents, us – but is still working toward home.

 

 

With that said, we are headed into a transition back home.

None of our kids in the past have had a proper transition, for several different reasons.  I think a well played transition is more the exception than the rule. 

But even now, being given notice in months instead of days or hours, it seems so fast.  It’s just that gripping realization that before this season has even had it’s last snow, it is likely that our beautiful Bella will no longer be here with us.

 

 

That is mixed with an intense joy for her and her parents.  This is what I have prayed and prayed and prayed for them.  Through long nights rocking her to sleep through the tears, this is what I have begged for.

Fix the brokenness, mend the hearts, graft this family back together.  Redemption.

 

I am so happy for Bella, and so happy for her parents.  I pray the next couple of months are smooth and healing.

And although my heart aches at the thought of her leaving, I know that He gives and takes away for our good, and for His glory.  I will cherish the time we have with her, while championing her family’s new beginning.

Processing.

  Let’s see.  Where to start?

 

Well, I caught the Virus From the Bowels of Hades *VFBH* (that’s the proper name.  or maybe just what I call it.  It is definitely the appropriate name.).  You know how lovingly children share their germs.  If we could universalize their willingness to share germs, our lives would be so much easier. 

Anyway – I had the VFBH for approximately 11 days.

Holy. Cow.

High fevers upwards of 103.  My entire mouth swelled up.  I couldn’t eat.  For 11 days.  Have you ever had to drink Ensure?  Avoid it. 

We got the VFBH from Bella.  That’s one of those nuggets that people rarely share about fostering.  Kids coming from *less than ideal* environments can bring all kinds of *less than ideal* ailments with them.  Lice, scabies, thrush, random rashes, VFBH’s.  Sometimes they’re just part of it – and life goes on.

But I’m pretty sure that if I had taken a picture of my mouth last week and posted it on the blog   …..   you would never ever foster.  So I won’t.

In other news, we are in the thick of processing all  that is going on with Bella.

Recently she’s started role playing her situation while she and Sylvia are playing pretend.

She role plays that she has a meeting to go to and that at the meeting they are going to decide if she can go home.

She role plays that she is going on an overnight visit and explains to Sylvia how much she will miss her while she is gone.

She role plays that she is going to court and that the judge has to make big decisions.

It breaks my heart to hear her.  She should be pretending to be a Mommy cuddling her baby.  She should be pretending to go to work, or pretending that she’s going grocery shopping, or pretending that she’s going somewhere with her friends.  Instead she’s pretending things that she shouldn’t even be able to imagine, things much too big for her four year old little mind.

But, I also know that this is how she is processing what is happening, and that it is good for her to work through these situations in her mind.  For her to be able to imagine an end to her situation, and for her to be able to try to make sense of everything that is happening.  When she’s playing pretend is the only time that she has to have any control over what is happening to her at all.

 

She’s also started asking questions about what will happen to me and Sylvia when she goes home.  As a foster parent it is difficult - I rarely have much more information than she does (which is ridiculous.) – and so answering her questions is usually just some vague bs’ing done in such a way as to aid her healing rather than open fresh scabs.  I pray that we’ll be able to stay in contact when she goes home, and that we’ll be able to serve her family in whatever ways we can to benefit Bella.  We’ll see.

They’ve started having visits in her home, which makes everything about 200% more difficult.  It is a necessary step toward going home, but I wish they would wait until reunification is imminent.  Emotionally this wrecks her.  She pays an emotional toll for it all week long, which means that we do to.  We’ve been dealing with pretty significant defiance and tantrums that are obviously triggered by the visits. 

Foster care and reunification is always a catch 22 it seems.

Her treatment is going wonderfully.  She’s healthy as can be, which is no small blessing.  Seeing how her health has turned around since she’s come to us makes me ache inside at the thought of her returning to an environment that was keeping her sick. 

 

Anyway – long and boring post, but wanted to get a brief update posted.

 

Always so much to process.  Always.

If they’re quiet, they’re sick.

  I know it’s been quiet around here.

Actually, if you listened long enough, I’m sure you could hear someone vomiting in my toilet.

Yesterday was the first day in two weeks that we made it a full 24 hours without someone having a fever and/or throwing up in the middle of the night.  whew.  This Mama is tired.

 

But I think we’re through it. (Definitely just jinxed myself.)  And hopefully things can get back to normal – like – you know, having wearable clothes, getting all the food off the floor – completely and totally disinfecting the bathroom.  Those kinds of things. 

 

Off to enjoy children who’s foreheads don’t feel hot and changing diapers that are not full of uumm…something that was eaten entirely too recently.  Update later.

Ringing in the New Year, Tanzanian Style.

Well, Brian is in Arusha! 
I just got an e-mail update from him about all he's doing and experiencing, and it sounds like the trip is going really well.
He's there with the founder of Samaritan Village, the president of the American board, and a few other people who also joined them on the trip.  It took a while for him to e-mail me because they are trying to get a new computer that was just donated to the Village hooked up with internet access.

Brian says:

It's almost 5pm here, and all of the people here are working hard preparing for a new year's party.  They are cooking a goat.  Yes, a goat.  That was alive this morning.   They are expecting over 400 people.  I wish I could just type and type and type, because I want to share with you how everything is going, but I don't really have time, so here is a chronological summary.

I took a ton of pictures on the way back, it took us about 1:15 to get back to the Village from the airport at Kilimanjaro.  The first thing I got to see when we arrived was the dorm, where we are staying.   It is huge!  It's built like a condo or apartment complex, with two floors, two units on each floor (left and right) with stairs to the second floor balcony in between the sides.  Each unit has three bedrooms, three baths, and a 250 sq ft living/dining/kitchen area.  The rooms are a decent size too.  The bathrooms aren't all the way finished yet, the shower is just a shower head sticking out of the wall, no pan or curtain.  Only the first floor is finished, and even then the kitchen area only has a sink right now.
I got to walk around and meet everyone shortly after that.  The kids are beautiful, and so happy and smily all the time.  I will have a lot of pictures, but I'm really really really wishing I had remember to bring our video camera!! 
From the front porch of the main building you can see Mt. Meru (MAY-roo, I got that wrong), and it is stunning. It is so beautiful here, the weather today was a little cool when I first went outside (maybe 65-70 degrees) and it warmed up to 80 this afternoon, with a cool breeze under partly cloudy skies.
Last night we went (along with some of the kids) to a Bridal send off party. (For the fiance of the father of the orphanage)  The best way to describe it is a combination of a wedding reception/rehearsal dinner/bridal shower.  It was at a banquet hall (the large back room of a place called "The Police Officers Mess Hall".   There were about 150 people there, and the party lasted from 6:30 until 11:30.  I will tell you more about it when I get back and show you the pictures, but it was really neat to get a glimpse of their culture.
We got home at midnight, and slept soundly...until 5:30am when the Swahili praise music started blaring from the chapel, and I heard Josephat preaching loudly for the morning service.  So sleeping in wasn't an option.
This morning I had pancakes (pan fried corn-flour sweet thick tortillas) and a banana fresh from the market for breakfast, then I spent some time journaling, walking around taking pictures of the place, and helping out a little with cleaning up the grounds.
This afternoon we went in to Arusha to do a little shopping; we went to a handmade craft market and I bought small gifts for you and sylvie.
Oh honey, there's so much here that I want to tell you about, so much that I can't even fit it all in this email.  But there are two things that I haven't mentioned yet that you need to know.  1) I haven't seen a single mosquito, even last night as darkness fell and I was standing in the parking lot of the police officer's mess hall.  and 2) the well water here is safe to drink!  I have been drinking it for 24 hours now and I still feel fine!
I'm feeling well, though a little tired.  I am glad to be here in this beautiful place, and I really need to learn swahili.  That phrasebook and Tanzania book were very helpful to me, as I already had the basic conversation pieces (hello, goodbye, how are you, good, fine, yes, no, please, thank you) down before I got here!
I love you, I miss you, and I have already taken 350 pictures. kiss and hugs to you and my beautiful daughter!
Love,
Brian

I can't tell you what a blessing it is to get these e-mail updates!  It is also such a blessing for him to get to go there to see Arusha, the orphanage, and to meet the people before we actually move there.  God has given me so much peace about all of this, even just through this one short e-mail.

Anyway, just wanted to share the update!  Hopefully there will be more soon, and of course lots of pictures when he gets back.  You're prayers are so appreciated!

Update!!

(To the post below)

I kid you not,

not two hours after I posted, Brian (my incredible, salesman-ish, get people to tell you what you want to know husband), by the grace of God, somehow figured out what school Cassandra is currently attending!!!

On top of that, he called the school – and they were actually helpful!  I know what your thinking, “Get. Out.  The school was helpful?” ….yes.  They were.  Praise God!

Brian explained the whole situation, and they offered to have the school translator call the kids’ uncle to let him know that we were trying to get a hold of him, explain what happened, and have him call us.

 

 

Well, as soon as he heard that we were trying to get in touch, he called us right away!  It was a fast move – but everything is fine.  He apologized to Brian for not having called us yet – I was just thinking, “I’m so glad you’re still in the United States!  Thank you God!”  Anyway, we got all caught up on addresses and phone numbers (which is really pretty difficult when you speak different languages).

Also, we get to hang out with the four kiddos tomorrow.  Talk about a change of emotions – I can’t explain how thankful I am.  Thank you God for answering prayer!  My parents are also in town and it will be the first time they have seen the kids since they left our house.

 

Thank you for your prayers!

Full House.

We have 5 kids in the house tonight.  Jae and Zee’s brother (6) and sister (11) are here to spend the night. 

We almost had to cancel the visit.  The boys had a terrible morning.  Screaming, yelling threats, calling names, opening and slamming doors, defiance, and throwing things.  I really didn’t want to cancel the visit, but I was beginning to think it was inevitable.

Finally, it was like something snapped, and Jae actually started trying to be civil.  Zee is a follower, and was only acting that way because of Jae – so when he started to make the turnaround so did Zee.

The visit is going really well so far.  I assumed it would – they’re all excited to see each other and we’ve only just met their siblings, so the honeymoon is on in full force.

 

They want to know whether or not we can take their siblings after the visit.

 

Right now I really feel like we need to say no.  The boys are still struggling so much with behaviors – there are days I feel like we’ve made no progress at all.  It’s possible that their siblings would move in and it would alleviate some of their stress and therefore improve morale around here.  But it’s also possible that things wouldn’t improve at all, and we’d have twice as many kids who don’t know how to express their anger.  I’m not sure we’d be very effective (or sane) if that were the case.

So anyway.  More of an update after the visit.  We’re having a good time right now – good memories.

Uphill from here.

I got a call from the caseworker yesterday letting us know that they were back from court.  The judge ruled that Mom’s home is not appropriate for the kids.  Dad’s homestudy wasn’t approved either.  The case goal will be changed to adoption as soon as the judge has the official paperwork on the failed homestudy for dad – probably early next week.

 

I guess in the grand scheme of things this is a good thing – the boys will be safe and taken care of.  It’s just difficult sometimes to see all of that through their broken hearts.  With all of our previous placements, I’ve always felt relief at the thought of the kids not returning home to the abuse or neglect, or whatever plagued the family.  I’ll get there with the boys too, we just have a lot of hurt to work through first.  It will be nice to be at a point where they are through all of the transitions and we can just start focusing on the healing.

 

One of the questions that I received recently asked if we are open to adoption with Jae and Zee.  There are a lot of unknowns right now that will have to be considered before we can make a decision like that….

• The boys have two other siblings – a girl who is just slightly older than Jae, and a boy who is 5.  We’ve not even met their siblings yet, and they will keep the four of them together for adoption.  (Thank goodness!)
• The boys’ siblings are coming here to visit the weekend of the 10th for an overnight stay.  At that point we’ll be able to see the kids interacting together, family dynamics, etc.  We’ll also be able to get a better feel for behaviors exhibited by the other two.  We’ll have a few overnight visits before we even consider having the other two kids move in with us.
• If they move in, we have to assess how things are going/where we see things going down the road.  Brian and I would still like to have more children (as in birth more children) and we have to be sure we still feel like that would still be a possibility.
• Also, we are still assessing any safety concerns with the boys.  Since camp, there haven’t been any more threats toward Sylvia – only toward Brian.  So far, so good.

 

I could go on.  As you could imagine, it will be a very big, very life changing, very prayed over decision.  …So much to think about.  Right now I’m having trouble thinking past 4:00 today when the boys will return home with their hearts crushed, full of hurt and anger.

Please Pray.

Please pray for X-man.  Please. Please. Pray.

His current foster mom got a phone call today telling her to have all of their stuff ready, he and his brothers are being picked up this afternoon and going home permanently.

 

I can’t even explain how I’m feeling.

He came to us at 15 months weighing 12 pounds.  She almost killed him.  His brothers, at 4 and 5 were not even verbal.  No colors.  No numbers.  No alphabet. 

 

She almost killed him.

 

Not to mention they are going from one hour supervised visits once a week to going home?!?!?!?  This is asinine.  Not only is it insane, but it’s not even fair to his mom – they are setting her up for failure.  Going from never taking care of any children, to taking care of three high needs kids by herself? 

GIVE ME A BREAK.  CAN THE SYSTEM REALLY BE THIS SCREWED UP?

 

All I can figure is that the caseworker must have royally screwed up in court representing the evidence.  Because there is no excuse for this.

She almost killed him.

 

It should have been an open and shut case.  It was BAD.  Really, really BAD.

 

I don’t even know what to say.  And should probably stop anyway before I regret my ranting.  Please pray for them.  Please.  All I can see in my mind is his thin, sick little body the night they dropped him off.  He didn’t even know how to cry.

 

Please pray.  It’s my sweet boy.  I know that God knows this situation through and through, and he loves that boy more than I ever could.  But it is so hard to trust.

Ups and Downs.

The boys are starting to become comfortable and transitioned here.  The kind of comfortable where you run through the house in your underwear screaming like a banshee, run through the front door and out the back door without closing either one, and are vocal about the incredible dislike of the dinner I just spent 2 hours preparing.  (Could do without that last one.)  They’ve had a more difficult time adjusting than our other kids have in the past, but at least we seem to be settling into a routine. 

They’ve fully recovered from any honeymoon period (in fact, looking back I’d say it lasted somewhere around 24 hours.) and are testing us whenever they get the chance.  Jae is the more passive aggressive of the two.  He listens really well and is relatively calm, but then mutters mean things to his brother or to us under his breath.  All in all, if you met him you wouldn’t probably even know he was dealing with any of this.  It’s mostly at night that it all surfaces.  There are tears and questions. 

Such hard questions.

Why are we here?  When do we go home?  Why can’t I see my mom right now? 

 

Zee is dealing with this all in a completely different manner.  (Said ‘banshee’ is his preferred way of expressing himself.)  When we discipline him (‘cool down time’, time in his room, holding hands when he won’t listen in public, duck taping his mouth shut – i KID, i KID) he gets very angry.  He escalates quickly and yells at Brian and I.  He covers his ears and refuses to listen to what we have to say.  This is easier to deal with at home, but when we’re at the store or park and he starts yelling at us, it gets a little more difficult.  At the store this weekend he tried to run away from Brian when he tried to discuss his attitude with him. 

 

The major issues are a combination of all of the stuff they are going through right now, and the fact that when they lived at home they had absolutely no structure, no rules, no consequences, no authority figure.  none. at. all.  They did what they wanted, when they wanted.  So all of this is foreign to them.  Listening, choices, consequences – they are having to learn to think about their actions before doing them, and that’s gonna take some time.

 

The difficulty is in the feeling that I am walking on a very fine line.  Offering grace in knowing what they are going through, while also enforcing consequences so that they can learn to function in a healthy family.  This balance seems so difficult at times.

So we discipline.  And we are consistent.  But in our discipline we always are reminding them that no matter how they behave, no matter what they do, our love for them will not change.  We will love them no matter what.  Also reminding them that the reason for consequences is because we love them.  Even when Zee is covering his ears, I hope this gets through.  L.O.V.E.  unconditional.  consistent.  clear.  love.   Slowly we are watching their hearts unfurl.  Slowly they are trusting us.

In every bedtime prayer with them we pray that their family be restored, but in the meantime that they feel safe and secure here.  They pray every evening to get to see their mom (which STILL has not happened since they’ve moved – but all that for another post.). 

These boys are sweet.  We love them.  I hope they know that.

Outnumbered.

That is, Sylvia and I are.  Three boys, and just us two girls.  After all the burping and farting that’s been going on the last two days (that apparently my 26 year old husband still thinks is funny) I feel like breaking out into a remix of ‘I Will Survive’.  Probably more like adapt, I’ll have to adapt to this new testosterone driven household.  It’s different.

{I’ll refer to the boys as Jae and Zee.  Not to be confused with JayZ the rapper.  Is he even producing music anymore?  Pitiful, I’m so not up on cool music.  Anyway.  Jae and Zee they are.}

Jae and Zee seem to be doing really pretty well given their circumstances.  Third (I think) foster home in nine months.  Third school in nine months.  Third life in nine months.  Third set of friends in nine months.  And through all of that, they seem to be adapting so well.  They get along really well, despite they have completely opposite personalities. 

Jae, 9,  is on the quiet side.  I can tell he is very sensitive.  We were enjoying a baseball game yesterday and when I was rooting for the batter to get struck out he looked at me very seriously and said, “I don’t think it’s very nice to root for him to do bad.  I think we should root for everyone.”  He’s super sweet, and the emotional impact of the transition has been more apparent with him. 

Zee, 8, is very, very not quiet.  That kid has enough energy for about 3 adults and 2 puppies.  Of course, he’s an 8 year old boy, so I would expect nothing else.  His last foster home had him tested for ADHD (these are actually the first boys we’ve EVER fostered that have not been on medication for ADHD – kinda makes you wonder – but all that for another post.) and the doctor said that he is a ‘high risk’ child for ADHD.  They were going to put him on meds.  I say we’re going to wait it out.  Kids in the system get a bad rap.  I say he has as much energy as an 8 year old boy should.  I can tell that Zee is going to test us a bit more than Jae will.  I also think that he is going to hide his emotions about all of this behind his perky personality.  All challenges we’ll work through together.

 

We’re still waiting to hear anything more about their case.  No word on visits with parents, therapy, or even about their case history – but hopefully we’ll be filled in soon. 

 

These kids are fabulous.  Albeit they’re obsessed with bodily functions, think it is totally weird that I nurse Sylvia, and are completely grossed out by girls {explaining to them that I am a girl did no good.}, I think I’ll get used to this boy thing.

5?? 5.

I should do this before the masses get out of bed.

And by ‘the masses’ I mean the five children who are now sleeping in my house.

 

I mentioned the three and four year olds who are here for the weekend.  They were dropped off last night around 7:00.  They are definitely a hand full.  The have obviously been through a lot in their short little lives and will benefit incredibly with some structure (which they are hopefully getting in their foster home.). 

Right about the time we were starting to get them into bed (a process that took approximately two and a half hours) we got a phone call for two boys who needed a placement long term, and needed it right then.  They had to be removed from their previous foster home due to allegations of abuse {enter: my soapbox speech about why we need more good foster homes.}  and had to be moved last night.

After some very, very last minute rearranging of our home, the boys were coming our way.  Unfortunately they were coming from three hours away {because, ahem, they were not able to find a foster home who could take them any closer than that}.  The worker ended up asking Brian if he could meet her half way so that she could get home before the sun came up. 

Three hours later, at 1:15 in the morning, we had five children sleeping under our roof.

I have yet to meet the boys – I was nursing Sylvie when they got here last night.  I’m sure they’ll be great.  And the younger of the two has a birthday on Monday – we’ll have to really celebrate.

 

Updates to come…I’m sure.

Update on the X-man...

I promised X-man's new foster mom that I wouldn't call her every other day to check and see how he's doing - and I've kept my promise.  Now I just stalk her on facebook to make sure she hasn't posted new pictures or status' with him in it!  Ha!  H, if you read this, I still promise I won't call everyday - BUT today might be one of those not-everyday calls.  I'm so itching to hear that sweet boy's voice.
Anyway, I have talked to his foster mom a couple of times though, and X-man is doing fabulously.  His brothers are over the top excited to have him living with them, and the transition seems like it was a pretty smooth one. 
Our worker talked to Brian this week, and....drum roll please....
     charges have been filed!
We've been waiting for criminal charges to be filed on both of his parents since he came to us in September - and finally it's done.  There is a court hearing at the end of the month addressing the charges, and starting then there will most likely be a no contact order.  If the charges go through both mom and dad will end up in jail.  (assuming we know where dad is by then - as of now he's MIA.)
I just wanted to let you all know - I know I'm excited, relieved, what emotion is appropriate when someone is going to jail?  Anyway, I feel at peace about this.  Hopefully the boys can finally put their past behind them.

So Busy - So Blessed.

Well...it's been a while...again, since we've really posted. It's hard to make time to blog with two kids essentially under one year of age. The chaos is joyful, and yet again God has shown us that His plan for us is more fruitful than our own ever would be.
X-man has been with us for four months now - and in any other situation we would keep him here forever - but he has two brothers that are anxiously awaiting his move into their foster home. We are frustrated that it is taking the court this long to get him transitioned into the home with his brothers. The longer he is with us is the stronger his attachment to us - making it more difficult for him when it is time for his move. I know the time is getting closer that he'll leave, and it is bringing back bitter-sweet memories of the same feelings we had when the girls were going. It's difficult letting little ones go - harder than with older kids. There is no way for us to explain to X-man why he is moving, or that we love him more than he knows. To him, I am his mother. And one day soon I'll be gone. It is one of the hardest parts of fostering.
He is growing and changing so much. Very, very soon he will be walking. This week he started saying words - baa (ball), baee (bye), haaad (hat). He is better able to communicate with us all the time and it is incredible to see him learn. He is such a happy boy and sweeter than ever. We're crazy about him.
Sylvia turned 3 months this week! She is making LOTS of noise. She found her voice and is very fond of using it. She sounds distinctly like a dying cat most of the time. But it is a cute dying cat. She is also able to control her hands enough to play with hanging toys and to put toys in her mouth. She's growing and changing so fast it's hard to keep up, but it is such a joy! I enjoy each new day with her, and cannot wait to watch her grow up! She's beautiful and the apple of her daddy's eye. She definitely recognizes Brian and I now, which is also very cool as parents.


Growth and change - kind of the theme of the Popp household. So many blessings and so much joy. I love being a Mommy more than anything. God is good.