Searching for the Light.

 

  After a few days of processing the status of the girls’ case,  this is what I have decided:

 

There is nothing I can do to change what the court has already ordered.

Jesus has a plan in this, and he will use it to glorify Himself and bring redemption if we make ourselves available – that is, if we choose to be obedient.

 

So, I am trying to remain open to opportunities that this may create that otherwise would not have been.

 

This will absolutely give us more opportunities to love on our girls, and to show them that we are here for them and are supporting them regardless of the chaos of their world.  It will possibly give opportunities for processing some difficult stuff before we have to discuss the big ‘A’* word with little souls that will struggle to understand.  (*adoption.)

 

It is possible that this could re-open doors for us to build a relationship with their mother – to learn her hurt, to know her needs, to show her love while we have the opportunity to.  But not to judge her or show anger toward her – although this is SO tempting.

 

Maybe this could end up providing the girls with some closure that they otherwise would not have had?  Maybe?

 

And *maybe* this will give us some time to feel out what kind of open adoption routes are actually feasible and healthy in the future.

 

 

And I am praying that God will work in ways through these challenges that I am not even able to foresee – ways that I can’t imagine – and that through all of this He will protect my girls’ hearts, minds, self-worth, innocence, purpose, and their willingness to be vulnerable.

 

He used what Jesus’ friends and followers saw as the end as the very beginning and to create hope that will never cease.  I believe He can use this in the same way.

Even Hope in the Ashes.

We finally just got a call from the caseworker regarding yesterday’s hearing.

 

The conversation started like this:

Caseworker: Well, I have to call and tell you this, but you aren’t going to like it.

 

If that’s not a stellar set up, then I don’t know what is.

Essentially, this is what happened -

 

I guess in our state, the state has to file a “motion to sever parental rights” before the goal can officially be changed to adoption, or a TPR hearing can be set.  (Different than the state I worked in.)

This motion was not filed prior to the hearing yesterday.  I’m really trying not to feel frustrated (read: irate) about this, because I don’t even know who to be upset at.  I’m not certain who’s responsibility it was to file it.

 

So the state is going to file the motion sometime in the next two weeks, with a new hearing set for October 18th.  Prior to the hearing they will have a conference to determine whether or not enough “progress” has been made to keep them from setting a TPR hearing.  (How could that be possible?  What, so, in the next three weeks we’re going to obtain housing, clean UA’s, a job, therapy, etc.?  I can’t imagine what “enough” is at this point.)  If they can’t find valid progress, on October 18th they will set it out for a TPR hearing.

 

But here’s the kicker.  The judge, in all his wisdom, after reading the court report at the start of the hearing, ordered that between now and October 18th that the girls have visits with Mom.

Really?

Did you miss that part about Bella throwing up 4 times a week while having visits?

And also did you miss that she has a potentially terminal illness that could be effected by that kind of stress on her body?

And that part that talked about how since visits have stopped completely that the girls’ health, behavior, stress and anxiety levels, and food issues have all vastly improved?  What about that?

And I can’t figure out what in the world makes anyone think that Mom is going to be stable and actually stick around for long enough to accomplish anything.  Did we forget that she just showed up out of nowhere after going missing for 6 months?

 

I know what this sounds like – and I am not that foster parent.  Brian and I bent over backward for the better part of this case to support reunification – we were Mom and Dad’s biggest advocates, strongest cheerleaders.

 

But now you’re going to go and screw with my girls – further traumatize them – when it’s clear this case is going nowhere?

 

It’s not a good idea to piss a Mama off like that.

 

 

 

Ugh.

So for now, I will do the only thing that I can do, and that is to take it to Jesus.  I know that in the end, he can work out all things for the good of those that love Him – and I am trusting, that eventually, in time, He will do the same here.

I will pray for my girls.

I will pray for the case.

I will continue to pray for their parents.  For redemption in their lives and healing for their brokenness – just not while they are simultaneously further traumatizing their children.  My children.

Lord, bring beauty from these ashes.  Be glorified.  Show us how to love well when it is so difficult to forgive and let go.  You are here even when it all seems so broken – remind me of my brokenness so that I can love instead of judge, and forgive instead of harbor anger.

You are the loving redeemer.  Redeem this, Lord.  Redeem this.

Disappointment.

 

  Like I said last post, Bella’s case isn’t going so hot these days….or for the last four months.

 

AGAIN on Monday, Dad missed Bella’s hospital appointment.  I think that makes 9 out of 19 or so – that they have actually attended.  This is not missing her yearly cleaning at the dentist.  This is a big deal.  And one of the symptoms of the primary reasons she first came into care.

 

Two weeks ago he was given a very sobering (in my opinion, very merciful) come to Jesus talk by the caseworker on why it’s so important – ya know, life and death – that he show he can be at every appointment. 

This is combined with several other things that are, well, not going well, for lack of a better description. 

 

It’s hard for me not to feel disappointed.

 

I go back and read posts like this one, and this one and I am reminded how well things were going – or seemed to be.  She was doing visits four days per week, a 30 day home trial was impending, we had two different dates she was supposed to go home.

 

I guess I should just lower my expectations?  Then when no one shows up at the hospital, or we get a call with more bad news, it will just be like I was expecting it?

 

But somehow, lowering my expectations feels like giving up hope.

Hope they’ll get it together.  Hope their family could be healed.  Hope that Bella won’t forever have to live with the loss of her birth family.

 

In some ways I am though.  I don’t know how to tangibly support reunification anymore.  I don’t know when to believe what Dad is telling me.  I don’t know what to tell Bella when she talks about her future.

 

15 out of 22 months is up in October.**  The caseworkers haven’t given us a clue one way or the other how they think things might go.  Do we plan and prepare our hearts for adoption?  Do we continue to root for reintegration when things seem so scattered and broken?  We are open to adoption, and would of course be excited and love that Bella and her sister would join our family.  But it just feels a little disappointing.  This isn’t what I have wanted for her.

 

We can only pray that God would prepare our hearts for where we are headed, and help us to prepare Bella’s in the same way.

 

 

**Legally, in the foster care system, when a child is in state custody for 15 out of any 22 months, the court has to reassess the situation, and unless reintegration is imminent or seems absolute, they are supposed to change the goal (either to adoption, kinship,or independent living.  In theory, this keeps kids from drowning in foster care for years on end.

Unorganized update.

 

Updating on Bella’s case would be like giving a second by second report on the goings on of a elementary school playground teeter-totter. 

Not that there have even been a lot of ups lately – actually none.  Lots and lots of downward spiral.  It feels like in the last three months the case has imploded on itself.

 

Of course, we’re rarely informed of exactly what is going on, so we’re just hanging on by the skin of our teeth while this roller coaster daily changes where we think our family will be six months from now.

 

 

We’re doing a second visit with Bella’s sister July 3-5 – (long story on why it has taken so long for a second visit.  Not worth the drama).  As long as it goes well, we are hoping that maybe she could move in before we go to Horn Creek Foster and Adoptive Family Camp – which would be super exciting and a great bonding experience as she enters our family.

I’m not sure the likelihood of that, as the caseworkers have been pretty preoccupied with Mom and Dad’s shenanigans here lately.  Also, if things continue as they are – that would definitely make 5 kids 5 and under as of January. 

 

Right now we’re trying to prepare ourselves for the possibility of adoption, while still investing ourselves in reunification efforts.  Although, I have to admit, I’m feeling pretty frustrated at this point.  I feel like we have worked really hard to support reunification in this case – and in many instances it feels like Mom and Dad are just throwing it all away.  Trying not to lose hope.

 

 

 

On a positive note:  Three weeks ago they reduced her visits from weekend overnights, to two hour supervised visits once per week.  (This is not so positive…but…)  Since they cut them back, Bella has not puked AT ALL.  Not one anxiety puke, not one food struggle puke.  Nothing.  Holy cow, I cannot explain to you how exciting that is!  The food struggle is absolutely still there, but has become easier since the decrease in visits, and she is clearly happier, more at peace, and actually able to enjoy herself.  It is such a blessing to see joy in her eyes again. 

Which has me praying that what ever direction this case is going to take, that it would just get on with it already.  She has been with us for one year as of next week, and if anything, we are in a worse place now than we were at the start – absolutely no sign of consistent progress.  I think some solid calls need to be made, that’s for sure.

 

 

  On a final sidenote – Bella started dance classes last week, and it was stinkin’ adorable.  Not that she had much interest in actually doing what the teacher said – she was a bit cautious to begin with, but I think as time goes on she’ll get into it.  4 and 5 year olds in leotards?  Too cute.

Sister visits, and other random pictures.

Last week Bella’s sister came for a pre-placement visit.  They are looking into having her move in with us, and we decided we wanted a couple trial runs first.  She is one month older than Sylvia.  There were definitely some interesting dynamics that played out over the week, but overall it went really well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tootaw, as we will affectionately call her (after all, that’s her nickname…) was overall a relatively easy kid – for a two year old that is.  Of course, ya know, honeymoon and all that.

 

 

 

 

They were definitely thrilled to be together.

 

 

 

Everybody dancing around in the tutus that Aunt Jill made them.  Thanks Aunt Jill!

 

 

 

Making popcorn for movie night.

 

 

We’ve definitely not made any official decisions on having a fourth child age four or under…we plan on doing another pre-placement visit before we decide.  Always big decisions…  lots to consider.  She’s super sweet though!

Bella the beautiful.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated on what’s going on with Bella.  Or maybe it just seems that way because everything has been changing approximately every other day.

I’m ready for things to settle down, but it doesn’t look likely any time soon.

 

 

Don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but Mom is MIA.  For over two weeks now, no one has heard from her, no one knows where she is.  I can only speculate as to what is going on – having either to do with giving up hope that her life can change or drugs, or both I suppose – but like I said, only speculation.

 

This has thrown a wrench in things.  Visits had already been cut down, and had been scheduled for Wednesday evenings through Friday evenings.  That lasted a whopping two weeks before Mom went missing.  Dad is working is butt off to pay the bills and get his girls home, so he’s not home during the week to be able to watch them during a weekday visit.  Because of Mom’s disappearance, it had been two weeks since Bella last saw her Dad.

I scrambled and made about 50 phone calls last week to put together a visit for last weekend with Dad.  To my knowledge (not saying much, since we’re the last to know everything) Dad has only been progressing in the case and working very hard to get his girls home, so I was determined to get he and Bella a visit.

Brian and I ended up just driving her down to her Dad’s house (we live an hour and a half apart) on Friday night so that he could have her for the weekend.  It turned out to be a great way to show the caseworkers how invested we are in getting her back home, as well as a great way to build our relationship with her Dad and show him our support in reunification. 

 

In other news….

 

 

Check out that hair!

It’s getting long now!  And it is incredibly curly, thick, shiny, and beautiful.  She loves for me to put a rubber band in it in the front, which mostly just makes it stick straight up, but I think at this point, she deserves to wear it however she wants!  After she gets out of the bath sometimes I put some mousse in it and with her curls defined it is adorable.  Every time I do it I’m reminded of how sick she was when she came – with not a hair on her entire body! – and now she has a beautiful headful of hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows!

We just went to the doctor today and everything came back great.  She is getting healthier by the day!  They’ve been tracking her more closely than they do the average patient, and they said they can see a difference in her weight gain and nutrition during times she is mostly with us vs. mostly at home.  Makes me nervous.

 

We’re still waiting, impatiently, to hear anything more from Make a Wish.  I called them three times last week.  Like I said, impatiently.

 

If you made it this far, I’m impressed.  Just wanted to get an update posted!  Off to go on a bike ride with my girls!

Here for…a while.

 

 

Well, there have been some updates to Bella’s case, but I’m glad that I was lazy about posting them because they’ve changed hourly for the last week.  (Maybe an exaggeration.)

 

Week before last, Mom screwed up.

At this point in her recovery, Bella’s illness is not even that difficult to treat/manage.  It doesn’t take the intense amount of time, worry, and attention that it did when she first came to us.  None the less, it was either just too much effort for her Mom, or just wasn’t on her radar.  A pretty big deal.  And one of the initial concerns in the case.

As far as I can tell, Dad is doing everything he can, but he is working his butt off all day every day to pay the bills – so she is the primary caregiver during visits. 

 

At the same time that this crap hit the fan, the worker also uncovered some things about visits (through conversation with Bella) that were less than impressive.  Nothing that is a huge deal, but things that shouldn’t be an issue.

 

 

So,

They’ve cut her visits back to two days per week, and now she is only there Wednesdays through Friday.  They scheduled it for during the week so that the caseworker can pop in if need be. 

Also, the planned reunification date of May 2 is indefinitely postponed until more progress is made.

 

They also led us to believe that they were going to be moving Bella to the foster home that her sister is in.  There are several good reasons to do this, living with her sister being at the top of that list, as well as the fact that her sister’s foster home is in their home town (an hour and a half from here.).

But,  I got an e-mail today saying that the hospital social worker, her nurse, and her doctor, have all requested that she remain at our house.  So, as of right now, that’s the plan.  Overall, I have to say that I’m happy with this decision.

 

 

Part of me is so angry that Mom messed this up for Bella again.  Bella wants to go home so badly – and the things they are asking of them are not difficult.  I just want to shake her (mom) and say, “Do you not realize that there are a lot of kids in foster care that never go home???  This is not a game!  This is not just something that you have to ride out until they send her home!!”

 

On the other hand, I see them, and their lives are so much different than ours in so many ways that we take completely for granted.  Everything in their lives is stressful – paying the bills, keeping their car running, the health of their daughter, their marriage.  And it’s probably been this way for generations.

I’m not sure I can imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes, so I most definitely cannot say that I’d be any better off.

 

Anyway, we are hoping for a quick turnaround for mom and dad.  Prayers for Bella are greatly appreciated.  I anticipate a few really hard weeks as we transition to much shorter visits. 

over sharing.

I’ve had lots I’ve wanted to post.

 

But when you kids come back to you from Mom and Dad’s bearing little gifts like

 

 

     

THIS

 

…you get a little preoccupied. 

 

  This is the second little gift that we’ve gotten from Ms. Bella (this is definitely the better of the two.).  Lice are not a huge deal, but are definitely enough to rain on a otherwise happy go lucky day.

 

  So we’ve been treating, and picking, and washing, and washing, and washing….

and washing.

lots of laundry.  did I mention that?

Luckily I’m a natural picker.  I’ve probably mentioned that before.  I actually don’t mind when my kids get cradle cap, because like I said, I’m a picker.  So we’ve been doing a lot of nit-picking.

 

 

The kicker is, she got it at home on her last visit.  They all sleep in the same bed.  She is going back home for another visit in approximately 30 minutes, where, in all likelihood, she will just pick it up again and bring it back.  Then we’ll treat it, and three days later she’ll go back.

Well.  You get the idea.

We’re trying to get her visit extended so that they can just completely get rid of it at their house so we aren’t swapping parasites back and forth.  I love Bella and all, but I don’t need her parasites.

 

Good news?  No sign of it on Sylvie, Naomi, or Brian and I.  So far so good.

 

Excuse me, I just heard the dryer stop.  Time for another load.

Visit, behaviors, improvement, repeat.

 

This is an all to familiar cycle to anyone who has fostered for long.

 

Bella has started having longer visits with her parents – this weekend she’ll have an overnight visit for two nights and three days. 

 

oh boy.  holy cow.  We are feeling the repercussion of painful scabs being scratched open again and again and again.

 

I think this is one of the difficulties of fostering that may be different in adoption (hopefully we will find out eventually).  In fostering it seems that you are never really working toward healing.  Really, you are working at keeping a wound just raw enough that when it comes time for reunification, the wound can be grafted back into a family unit, that will slowly heal together.

 

Fostering is about dealing with open wounds.

We aren’t working toward closure.

We aren’t working toward healing.

We really aren’t even working toward progress in behaviors.

 

Because every visit, she goes home for a few hours, and then she has to leave again.  Leave her sister.  Leave her mom and dad.  Leave her home.

And the scab is picked off.  And we’re starting all over.

 

The pain in her little heart is something I can’t imagine.  As an adult, as a foster parent, it is emotionally exhausting to experience.  As a four year old in the center of it all?  I can’t fathom it.

She doesn’t know what to do with all that pain.  We try to help her process it, put names to emotions, cry through the confusion.  We try to explain what is happening and why in four year old terms (because caseworkers don’t do that.  we’ve never had a caseworker explain what was happening consistently.).  But there is too much hurt, and it has to come out.

 

It comes out in defiance.  Lots. and lots. and lots. of defiance.

It comes out in anger.

It comes out in tantrums.

It comes out in needing extra affection.

 

And we do our best.  We increase nurture with structure.  We use lots of feeling words.  We connect while correcting.  We avoid un-needed consequences like crazy.  We talk about choices.

Things get a little better.  We see more smiles.  We see better choices.  We see her heart mend, just a little.

 

 

And then there is another visit.

 

And we start all over.

 

And it’s not even about the behaviors.  (although some days, it’s hard for that not to be the focus.)  I just want her little heart to be able to heal.  I just want her to stop hurting all the time.

Seeing Fruit

This weekend we got to have a very sweet visit with some of our very favorite kids in the universe.  Mena and Cassandra lived with us from September 2008 through June 2009, and we love these girls somethin’ fierce.  Luckily, they also have two incredible siblings who we’ve gotten to build relationships with too.  The girls ended up being adopted by their aunt and uncle, and we’ve made a strong effort to keep in contact.  They speak almost exclusively Spanish – but we muddle through conversations and try our hardest to get to know them.

I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to get to stay in contact with them.  It is one of the only fostering situations where we continue to get to see the fruit of fostering.  We get to watch four beautiful kids grow up, we get to hear excited squeals when they find out we’re coming to visit, and we get to be a faithful source of love and consistency for them.  What. a. blessing.

We picked the kids up and went to the park.  We barbequed for dinner, played around the lake, played on the playground, and had a few good rounds of hide and seek.  On the way home we picked up some ice cream, and when it was time to drop them off we got questions of when the next time we could visit would be.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been four months since we’ve gotten to see the kids, and we were a little bit afraid that Mena wouldn’t remember us because she’s so little.  But when we got there she lit up and was attached to us at the hip the whole visit.  When I mentioned to her uncle that we were afraid she wouldn’t remember us, he replied, “Oh, no.  She is always going around the house saying ‘Maggie? Maggie?’.”  Melts my heart.

When the girls left our home we were so worried.  We were afraid for their safety and for their future.  But it is clear that they are just where they should be!  They are happy and healthy.  Just goes to show that sometimes (ha!) God knows better than we do.  I’m so happy to get to keep in contact with these four.  I can’t wait to go to Cassandra’s graduation, see Jose driving for the first time, see Mena start school.

As we’re feeling a bit gun shy after our experience with the boys, I keep reminding myself what blessings we have encountered because of fostering.  I would not in a million years give up the relationship we have with these kids and their family.  It is when you get to see the fruit of fostering that you are assured that it is all worth it.

Project 365 – Week 21

Jae was very proud of his domino people.

 

Sylvie and her bestie loungin’ at the pool.

 

Zee and his brother.  You can definitely see the resemblance.

 

Hangin’ at the park with all the kids.  Super fun memories.

 

This is currently my favorite Sylvia expression.  I can’t even capture it, because she doesn’t sit still long enough – but she makes this face, like she has just discovered the most exciting thing in the whole world.  (Like the santa weeble, for example.)  No sounds, just pure excitement on her sweet face.

 

Jae saw me sewing, and asked me to teach him.  I was so excited for the chance to do something together!  We decided to make a drawstring bag for his legos.

Of course he acted like it pained him to sit at the machine with me.  But I know that secretly he loved the one on one time.

 

While we were sewing the bag, Brian was making a rubber band gun with Zee.  He was very excited.  (Pending anyone from SRS reading this – it’s harmless.  It shoots rubber bands.  Just enough sting to make it fun.  Ha!)

Full House.

We have 5 kids in the house tonight.  Jae and Zee’s brother (6) and sister (11) are here to spend the night. 

We almost had to cancel the visit.  The boys had a terrible morning.  Screaming, yelling threats, calling names, opening and slamming doors, defiance, and throwing things.  I really didn’t want to cancel the visit, but I was beginning to think it was inevitable.

Finally, it was like something snapped, and Jae actually started trying to be civil.  Zee is a follower, and was only acting that way because of Jae – so when he started to make the turnaround so did Zee.

The visit is going really well so far.  I assumed it would – they’re all excited to see each other and we’ve only just met their siblings, so the honeymoon is on in full force.

 

They want to know whether or not we can take their siblings after the visit.

 

Right now I really feel like we need to say no.  The boys are still struggling so much with behaviors – there are days I feel like we’ve made no progress at all.  It’s possible that their siblings would move in and it would alleviate some of their stress and therefore improve morale around here.  But it’s also possible that things wouldn’t improve at all, and we’d have twice as many kids who don’t know how to express their anger.  I’m not sure we’d be very effective (or sane) if that were the case.

So anyway.  More of an update after the visit.  We’re having a good time right now – good memories.

They're baaaccckkk...

The boys came home from camp today.  Responses were varied:

Zee: (Very Excited) It was so much fun!!! {Insert list of all the fun things they did}

Jae:  We didn't do anything fun the whole week.  (Typical)

I'm praying with everything in me that Jae's heart can begin to heal.  We are going to play the next couple of weeks by ear and see how things go.  I so hope that we can work through all this.


Their caseworker was going to cancel the visit again this week.  She called me late on Wednesday to tell me that the person who takes the boys to the visit was out of town and that they couldn't find someone else.  This leads me to believe that she didn't contact the company that does the transportation until late Wednesday either - so, really?  Is it any suprise that they couldn't replace the driver with a whopping two days notice? 
Court is next week, and I think there is a chance that this week would be their last visit with mom.  Possibly ever?  And it's cancelled?  For the THIRD week in a row?  Ugh.

Luckily I'm married to the best man ever and he is, as we speak, driving the boys two and a half hours to their visit.  He's fabulous. 

Flying pigs and all that Jazz

Ahhhh, updates.  They always seem so lame, but necessary.  Half of our family would think we had 10 kids if I didn't post about kids leaving every once in a while - and since I will most likely also have this printed for our bookshelf, staying current has its pros.

The girls ended up leaving on Wednesday night.  Court was Wednesday afternoon and they 'officially' came into the custody of the state.  They are from a town a couple of hours away from us, and the state wanted to find a long term foster home closer to their parents.  However, after three hours of looking for a home to no avail, they called us back and asked if we'd like to take them long term.  And, get. this. 
I said no.
What is that?  Applause I hear?  Yes, I know, I am very proud of myself too.  (Actually, Brian said no.  But I was standing there when he did it.  So it counts.)
They are just not a good fit with the boys.  Those girls are going to need a LOT of one on one care, and I couldn't give them what they need, while also giving the boys what they need, and Sylvia what she needs. 
It was heartbreaking, those two days they were here.  I could feel their fear, their heartache.  It really is a physical hurt to see that kind of suffering.  They were just hurting so badly.  That's when you wish you just had a magic wand to make it all better.  But all you can do is hold them and rock them.  Their reason for coming into care was drug use, but while they were here I saw more signs of sexual abuse than I needed to, which puts fury in my soul.  I pray those girls are in a loving foster home, and that God comforts their broken little hearts.

In other news, yesterday was the last day of school for the boys.  It was a half day, and I picked them up and took them to have a special lunch with Brian.  We went to chick-fil-a.  (I may or may not have made that suggestion).  We had a fun filled afternoon of appointments with their caseworker and therapist. 
Yes.  You heard me correctly, their caseworker actually came to our home to visit.  {And while she was here I could vaguely make out a small pink pig flying across the sky above my neighbor's house.}  Surprisingly enough, her visit was not at all informative, except to ask me if I thought there might be a couple of weekends open this summer for their siblings to visit. 
I'm actually really looking forward to this summer.  I'm looking forward to getting to spend more time with the boys.  I'm looking forward to getting to do fun summer activities with them and spending afternoons at the pool with Sylvie.  And I'm looking forward to not being boxed in by a schedule of pick ups, drop offs, homeworks, and bedtimes.  I've got some really fun stuff planned for the boys this summer too, and it will be fun to get to watch them experience what a childhood summer should look like.

Of course, you'll have to ask me two weeks from now if I'm still looking forward to the rest of the 2 1/2 months.  We shall see.

Update. But not from the caseworker.

Our family worker came to visit this week. (Not to be confused with the kids’ caseworker, whom I have never met, have only spoken to once on the phone for approximately 4 minutes, have left numerous messages for, and who has not visited the boys since they were placed with us a month and a half ago.  ahem.  that is all.)

Maybe I should start over.  sans rant.  I promise.

Our family worker came to visit this week.  She doesn’t have a ton more info than I do.  She did offer a couple of updates though:

~Mom has made no progress.  period.  since the case started.  Chances of going home?  Somewhere between zero and nil – of course that’s what they said with    X-man too.  So I’m not going to hold my breath, but we’ll see.

~She was very happy to hear that we have found a couple methods of discipline that seem to be effective.  Hallelujah! {More on that later?}  Not to say things around here aren’t still crazy – but even baby steps feel sooo good.

~The caseworker would like to know if we would be interested in doing some pre-placement visits with the boys’ siblings (5 and 10 years old).  Their sister is having the same behavioral issues that the boys are.  Their brother has some delays in speech, but doesn’t seem to display many behaviors. 

We told her that we’d be happy to do some pre-placement visits to see how things go.  It would obviously be in the best interest of the boys to be with their siblings.  This is not to say that if the visits end in me feeling like my house is imploding, we won’t decide that it is not a good idea.  It’s a big, fat we’ll see.

So, if the caseworker ever ends up calling me (no rants.  I promised.) then we’ll be back at five kids, if only temporarily.  I should start praying now.  In fact, that’s the best idea I’ve had all day.

A Surprise Visit.

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from X-man’s foster mom to see if we wanted to hang out with him!  Of Course!  I was thrilled.  I was beginning to think we may not actually get to keep in contact with him, so this was more than exciting.  We hadn’t seen him in a month, so I wasn’t sure how it would go – little ones forget more quickly (enter: knife into my heart) and get confused.

We took him to the park.  He really has already grown so much, and he’s looking older.  We played and played, and barbequed burgers for a picnic dinner. 

 

Check out that big boy hair cut – and I believe the fat lip makes him look older too.  Ha!  And that belly!  Can you believe that seven short months ago this child weighed 12 pounds?!?!  

He did seem a little confused at first, which broke my heart.  But as soon as we played a short ice-breaker – throwing grass in each other’s hair – he was his spunky self.

 

 

 

Sylvie decided she wanted to see what X’s shoe tasted like – of course.  Who could pass up all that tasty dirt?

He decided it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

 

Hello?  Who is it?

 

 

We were so excited to see our sweet boy.  I feel so blessed that we get to stay in contact with so many of our kids.  I had forgotten how difficult the first couple of visits are after a move, though.  When X-man left our house one month ago, in his mind, we were his parents.  He was excited to see us when we had been away.  He preferred us to other people.  We knew all the ways to make him laugh.  Only we could make it better when he was sad.

Yesterday when I went to pick him up, I was none of these things.  I was no longer his mamma.  He recognized me, but there was no laughing and running to the door as if to say, “Momma, finally!  You’ve come to pick me up!”  like there always was before. 

I’m happy for him that he is not still so attached.  It would be horrible for him if he was not able to let us go and adjust to his new home.  But it is heart wrenching for me.  I was his mamma.  And now I’m not.  It hurts.  But like I’ve said before, it only hurts because we loved each other well.  I do love this little boy.  I can not wait to see him again.

False Start.

You’d think I would learn.  You’d think I’d just wait to post anything about any potential placement until the kids were actually standing in my living room.  But alas, apparently I’m a slow learner.

 

You guessed it.  I know you did.

We are not having four children coming to stay with us.  Not this week anyway.  But it is such a praise.  Not because I will maintain my sanity for a short while longer, but because the reason they are not coming to stay here is that they found an adoptive home for them!!!  All four of them!!!  Together for good!!!  I am so thrilled and thankful.  What a blessing for those children to not have to ever move again, to have a forever home, to know real love!

I have to say I was a little bummed, after all, we had already started making preparations for a very large increase to our small family.  However, the system did not let us down.  ha. 

We got a call not ten minutes later for another placement.  I’m mostly convinced that it just took them a while to get our profile changed back to being open for placements after the X-man left – because since the start of this week we have not failed to get a phonecall for a placement in any 24 hour period.  Once a day.  Once a day they’ve called us with children who need a home. (Have I mentioned you should become a foster parent?)  We had to turn down a couple of placements due to physical aggression on the children’s part.  If there is one thing that we can not risk, it’s that Sylvia would get injured.

Anyway.  We are expecting a call on Sunday to set up a *pre-placement visit* with a 7 year old little girl who is soon being discharged from a residential facility.  I’ll tell you more about her in another post.  But there I go again – too early to know for sure – so I’m not making any promises that she’ll be joining our family either!  But like I’ve said before – all this is a little like a roller coaster, and as foster parents you have to be flexible.  (Not like, touch your toes flexible. More like tie yourself in a pretzel flexible.)

 

And just for kicks and giggles (I’m certain my Nana’s version of that saying wasn’t quite so clean, but…) I’ll share a picture of this pretty girl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*A pre-placement visit is when a foster child visits with potential foster parents for a little while (an hour or so) so that both parties can get to know each other before the actual move.  It’s supposed to help cut down on disruptions, and help the child feel more comfortable when they move.

Court.

X-man's court hearing is today. If you could send a prayer up, I'd really appreciate it. And so would he, he just doesn't know it yet.
Mom canceled her visit this week - which was quite possibly the last time she would have ever seen X. I understand that there is snow on the ground. I understand the weather is not optimal. But it could be that she just canceled her last visit ever. You could have broken both my legs and I would have been there. But I digress.

Goals of court today: (as I see it)

-get charges pressed on mom and dad
-discuss X moving in with his brothers
-finish the trial

Chances of these happening....approaching nil, but like I said - if you could send a prayer up.

Love and Forgiving.

I realize I just posted.
I just dropped X-man off at his visit. For the first time since he's been with us (almost 6 months) I met his mother. They have been avoiding any contact between us and his parents for our safety. They wanted to keep us completely anonymous. The combination of mom being completely compliant, X's dad being MIA, and mom not having contact with dad for the last 6 months led them to allow us to meet.
I didn't know I was going to meet her today. I didn't even know who she was when she walked out with his caseworker until we were introduced. But it has changed my heart.
Any animosity that I felt just disappeared upon seeing her. I'm not sure why, I guess this is God's way of working on my heart in this situation. She looks so young. And she is - much younger than me even.
The reality is, is that she is just a person. And being able to see someone as a person, instead of just this ambiguous character that allowed something very horrible to happen to someone you love makes all the difference. She's just a person, fallen like the rest of us. I have no reason or right to judge her, even in a circumstance like this. She just needs Love.
My heart was overcome when I met her. Not because I pity her. And this is not to say that she is not responsible for some very terrible things. But I was overcome with the need to pray for her - to lift her up to the only One who can bring healing to her heart, my sweet boy's heart, and my heart.


My sweet boy, her sweet boy, looks so much like her. Regardless of circumstance, he is her little baby - no legal change, no foster care, no anger, no adoption can change that. He is her little baby. Her little baby, and my sweet boy.
It's interesting how connected you can feel to someone so different, and so strange to yourself.

Please pray for her. For her heart, and for her healing, and for her to understand what Love IS.
Pray for me to love her.