Because over time, I have only become increasingly convinced that if we
(the Popps.) can do it, anyone can do it.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Saw this video over at J’s blog and had to repost.
Can I get an amen?
What if when you were 10 you were labeled ‘unadoptable’ and so you
never
ever
had a family?
And probably, it was just because you were ten.
too old, you see.
Because they are Worth IT.
I got this from this blog.
If you haven’t noticed, I frequently love things from this blog.
I grow increasingly convinced that God values children much, much more than we do.
We value a clean floor more than children. We value free time more than children. We value the good dishes more than children. We value going out to eat or watching grown-up television shows more than we value children.
All the world, including the church, tells us that children are a bother, perhaps even a mistake. If you don’t believe that, introduce a family with many babies into your church and see how long it takes for someone to say, “They know what causes that, don’t they?”
We have let the world convince us that a large family is a curse, when the Bible clearly teaches that many children are a blessing, a sign of God’s great favor.
If I had the choice right now, there would be more children in my family. And I think I might be brave enough to let God decide how many.
I remember that it seemed a little frantic around my house when the children were little. I never got “it all” done, whatever “it all” is. There was not much privacy or money or free time. There was lots of laundry and garbage and stinky stuff. The boys were going to be 2 and 4 forever. It was never going to end.
Don’t get me wrong - I enjoyed my boys. But it was all colored by that worldly, selfish, hurry-up-and-grow-up attitude. And then it was over. I woke up one morning and they were almost as tall as me. The next day, or so it seemed, they didn’t even live with us. Now there is not much garbage or laundry or stinky stuff. And there is much more privacy and money and free time.
I’d trade it all in a heartbeat.
I would do laundry around the clock if it meant I could have one more day with my little boys in my home. I want the piles of blue jeans back. If my family had been larger, perhaps I would have grown in wisdom and learned to treasure the tiny victories and agonies of everyday. Perhaps not, but at least it would have lasted longer.
You think they’ll be little forever. You can’t imagine being able to handle – afford – care for another little life. But you can. And it will be over before you know it, with plenty of years left to use the good dishes.
Amen.
I haven’t done one of these posts in a while. I feel like we’ve been so lost in transition that it is hard to focus. But, I’m in the middle of co-teaching my second foster parent training class, and there’s nothing like explaining foster care for three hours a week to remind me why these kids need advocates so badly.
I recently read
with a myriad of emotional response. I had to let it sit a while before I posted anything on it to let my soul find some grace for my response. The article is about a woman who was recently charged with attempted second degree murder for leaving her son in their attic and almost starving him to death. 24 hours from death, the doctors say.
I don’t process this article with out some pretty deep seeded bias. Our sweet boy, X-man, came from a situation not too awfully far from this one. After nursing a child back to health from the brink of starvation, it’s difficult to look on this story without the eyes of a mother severely scorned. But after some thought:
I say praise God that this woman was charged to the fullest extent of the law. If this story makes you sick, it would make you twice as ill to find out how many people in cases like this are let off the hook, in every sense of the expression. Rarely are parents in child abuse cases actually tried as criminals. And that is criminal. So lets hear it for DeSoto, Kansas – at least someone is willing to do the hard thing for these kids.
It also struck me that anger is probably a pretty typical reaction in reading a story like this. Most people probably read this article and feel angry toward that mom, angry for the child, and a sadness for his plight.
And it should. It should make us mad that things like this happen to children (every day.). We should read it and say, “How can this happen?!!?”
But I want to ask a hard question.
What difference does it make?
What difference does it make that we feel angry? What difference does it make that we cry for this little boy? Because the reality is, is that after his mom goes to jail, this little boy needs somewhere to go. Somewhere to heal. Somewhere to thrive. And our anger does nothing for him.
Unless.
Unless we let it move us to action. Unless we let it motivate us. Unless we let it call us to the plate.
There are lots of ways to advocate for these kids. Our country is in sore need of good foster parents. There are also programs like CASA that make a huge difference in the lives of these kids. County foster programs are a great place to go to find out what you can do. And in the end, some of these kids will need adoptive homes.
That’s Why Foster.
(I realize foster parenting is not for everyone. That is why I try to include other ways of serving and getting involved. But – maybe it is for you – I bet you’d be a great foster parent!)
Since starting this journey toward Africa (eventually we’ll be able to say ‘in Africa’!!) I have heard several times, “Well, you can’t save them all.”
Oh goodness. Don’t get me started. But you already have.
Of all the reasons various people may think we shouldn’t go, please, please don’t use this one.
When did just one become so insignificant to us? I know that we can’t save them all. (In fact, I know that we can’t save any children at all – we’ll leave that one to the Big Guy.) I am aware of the vastness of the problem, and it’s one of the very reasons that we are going.
When we hear that nearly 30,000 children will die from preventable causes before we lay our heads on our pillows tonight, it seems like too much. If you live in a large town – really anything short of a city – it is like waking up tomorrow morning to find that all of the children in your town are dead. And that they all died of something that could have been prevented.
If that happened, we would expect it to be international news. For weeks. We would expect someone to look into the matter until it had been solved. Until we had answers. Until we knew it wouldn’t happen again.
But it will happen today. And it will happen again tomorrow. And NBC, CNN, and FOX will find better things to report on. Yet I keep hearing,
“You know, you can’t save them all.”
I sure am glad I’m on this side of the equation. Because if it were me, if I were living in a third world country and had no means to support my family, no clean water to give my children – If it were me, and I was sitting there rocking my Sylvia in my arms knowing that she was starving and there was nothing I could do about it, I would be on my knees begging that someone would think it was worth it to save
just one.
That someone could see the beauty and worth, the woman that God created her to be, that I see when I look into her eyes. When God looks into her eyes.
In eyes like
this, and
this, and
these.
And I praise God that we serve a savior that would do anything for just one.
“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home…..I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
-Jesus
I am so thankful that I serve a God who finds it all worth it for just one.
Because yesterday we were called with a 6 month old baby who was purposely injured so badly that he is non-responsive, eating through a feeding tube, aware enough to feel pain, cannot move, is not tracking with his eyes, and has to wear a neck brace, hand splints, and boots.
We went to the hospital and I stood by his crib and watched him for an hour and a half. We went knowing that we were naively hoping we could be a placement for him. They cannot find anyone else. After talking with the hospital social worker, the nurses, and his pediatric neurosurgeon, it was clear that with a one year old and a baby on the way it would be neither responsible or wise for us to take on his care.
And then I had to walk away, and leave him laying there, with only a prayer that they will eventually find a home for that sweet little boy.
But maybe you wouldn’t have to. Walk away that is.
Maybe all of your kids are grown and gone. Or,
Maybe you don’t have any kids. Or,
Maybe you or someone else in your home is a nurse or doctor who would know something about his care. Or,
Maybe all your kids are old enough that they don’t pull on cords, or nurse, and are at school all day.
We had to say no. But maybe you wouldn’t have to – and you could be all the difference.
The night before that we got a phone call for a little boy who is three and his sister who is five. They don’t even have any reported behaviors. It was an emergency, and they needed placement right then, and they were sitting in the office with the intake worker on the line.
We would have scooped up those babies in a heartbeat, but we have a respite placement right now through the end of the weekend, and we don’t have enough beds. Let me tell you, we were racking our brains on how we could get another one in.
We just don’t have enough room right now. But maybe you do.
Maybe you have a couple bedrooms that you use for when family is in town. Or,
Maybe you have a room that you just use for all your extra stuff. Or,
Maybe it would be better if all your kids didn’t have their own rooms.
We had to say no. But maybe you wouldn’t have to – and you could be all the difference.
And that is ‘Why Foster?’.
Because even after all of this,
it is still worth it.
Because even with all of the challenges we will
still do everything in our power to make sure the boys
know that we will always love them.
Because even after all of the unknown, and the hurt
it is worth every tear.
Because even the hard goodbyes only mean
we’ve loved each other well.
Because it is worth it.
And they are worth it.
And even when things get really tough, and you can’t really
remember why you do all of this,
God whispers in my heart,
There are more.
And they need you.
And they need to know my love.
And it is worth it.
I feel like this is the infamous topic of fostering. Cause you know that we’re all just doin’ it for the dough that we are undoubtedly rolling in, right? (right…or….not.)
To be honest, there are people who ‘do it for the money’. During my time as a caseworker, I worked with foster parents that did. I’m still clueless as to how they made that work. But anyway….
I would say that this is a non-issue. I wouldn’t even post on it…except that, there have been times when Brian and I would not have been able to foster, or not been able to give our foster kids the experiences that we have, had it not been for the help offered by the state. For example, last month when we went to Horn Creek and did lots of extra fun stuff with the kids, or birthday months, etc.
What I mean to say is it isn’t wrong to need your reimbursement check when fostering. If it were, then only rich people could foster. The money is there so that people who have a heart for fostering and for these kids can afford to do it.
So, long story short, don’t let money be a reason you don’t foster until you’ve talked with your agency!
{ I’m posting on this topic because there are a lot of people who probably assume they can’t afford to foster, when really they’d be really great foster parents! I’m posting at the risk that I’ll get some nasty comment regarding money in foster care – but please realize that money is not, has not, and never will be a central issue for us in fostering. It is something that has to be considered, though, in the decision to foster. And to be perfectly honest, if we didn’t have a heart for it, and if we didn’t love these kids like crazy, then you couldn’t pay me enough money to do this! Ha!
So. The disclaimer has been made. Please be nice.}
I think that a lot of people (who have never been to our house) hear that we have five kids at a time and assume we live in some mansion. But that’s not the case. Although, when we do have five kids running around, sometimes I wish we did.
There are some really pretty specific space guidelines for fostering that outline how many kids your house can hold. {I’m sure these vary some from state to state – so check with your local agency!} Where we live, this is the breakdown:
Also:
Brian and I live in a three bedroom house, that also has a small office (no closet). Recently, in order to make more space, we moved our room into the small office room. It’s tight, but we don’t spend a lot of time in our room – what’s the old adage? Less is more? Something like that.
One of the bedrooms is very small – that’s Sylvie’s room.
The room that is supposed to be the master bedroom is where the boys currently stay, and if their siblings move in, is also where their brother would stay.
The third bedroom is large enough for two children, and has a set of bunk beds in it.
I’m pretty sure the way we have it now, we could take four foster kids regardless of age and sex.
So, we don’t live in a mansion. We just like to be close. And if you have any inkling at all that you’d like to foster, I bet if you take a close look at your floor plan, you might just be able to figure out the space predicament!
{If you have any questions, please let me know! I’ll do my best to answer them, or point you in the direction of someone who can. You can leave questions in the question box in the right of the blog, in the comments, or you can e-mail me! You should foster, you’d be great at it.}
Well, probably not really.
But…thanks to Adoptive Mamma Of Two, I found this great service called formspring. On the right there is a box where you can type in any questions that you have, and it sends them to me. I’ll answer the best I can or point you in the direction of someone who can! You can ask anonymously, or with an ID. It’s possible I might use some of the questions for Why Foster? blog posts, but I’ll always ask you first! (You can still just use my e-mail if you’d like.)
So, send your fostering/adoption through foster care questions my way, and hopefully this makes it easier for you to ask questions with less hassle!
May is Foster Care Awareness Month. I got this video off of another foster parent’s blog – she put it together with some friends of hers. I love the video – it’s really well done, and it only serves to make me more passionate about fostering and loving these kids. (You didn’t think that was possible, did you?) I pray that it moves hearts.
My posts the last couple of weeks have been honest. The majority of the last two weeks have been rough. But I don’t want to make you think for a second that this is not a blessing. It is a blessing, and a privilege to get to be a part of these kids’ lives. Even during the rough times, I would not hesitate to recommend fostering. It will change your life, and will forever impact the kids you come to love.
The video lists some ways of helping other than licensing to foster, like:
{ If you have any questions about fostering, or the other programs that are listed, please let me know! You can leave questions in the comments, or e-mail me. I will do my best to answer or point you in the direction of someone who can!}
I’ve gotten questions about how specific you can be in defining what children you are able to take into your home when you foster. Most people I’ve talked to are relieved and/or surprised to hear the answer.
It sounds awful. What children will you take? Which children will you have to say no to? But realistically, you have to know your limits, and know your family. It’s important to consider the ages and sex of your bio kids. It’s important to consider what behaviors you think you can handle. This is for your own good and safety, as well as for the children who will come to your home. It isn’t good for anyone involved to get in over your head, and for the child to have to move (again) from your home. (Although this can still happen. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say yes to. Sometimes behaviors pop up after the kids are placed that aren’t safe for your family. Disruptions are hard, but are occasionally necessary.)
So, how specific can you be?
I could call my worker right now and tell her that we can only take white, female, 6 year olds. That’s how specific. Now if I did that, I probably wouldn’t get many calls for placement, but if that’s how it needs to be, then that is fine.
Also, while you are licensing you should be asked to go through a list of behaviors that you can or cannot accept. This is helpful in giving you an idea of what you may see. I will say, that the behaviors that they list are exactly what they describe. I struggle with being pretty idealistic with what I can handle – but some of the behaviors are not things I would know how to help.
It’s also important to note that at any time I could call my worker and have our profile turned off (so that we wouldn’t get any calls), or I could change our selected age group or other identifiers. Also, you can distinguish between whether you would like to do only short term placements, emergency placements, long term placements, or any mix of the three. Fostering is designed to be very flexible in this way for the foster parent.
Brian and I take kids 12 and under. We decided that we would hold off on taking teenagers until we stop looking like teenagers ourselves. We also cannot take children who have severe problems with physical aggression because we have Sylvia, and we have to be safe. We are licensed for up to four kids. We try to stay really open minded about placements, knowing that only God can know what we can really handle, and that He is involved in every step of the way.
I think what is most important is knowing your own family. What would be safe? What wouldn’t? Are there any behaviors that you know you would not feel comfortable with? And of course, you can always discuss these things with your worker to get an outside perspective as well.
Hope this helps! Let me know if you have questions, I’ll try to answer, or point you in the right direction toward someone who can!
There are approximately 143 million orphans around the world.
About 500,000 orphans live in the United States.
Of those in foster care, 150,000 children are waiting to be adopted into a loving home.
There are over 300,000 churches in the United States.
If {one} family in every two churches adopted a child from foster care – there would be no more waiting children. Only waiting families.
There are over {fifty} verses in the bible that refer to orphans. We are directed to do something meaningful, tangible to impact the lives of these children. God doesn’t ask us if we want to. He doesn’t ask us if they’ll fit, or if our bank accounts are full. (He is the provider, after all.) He doesn’t ask us if we have time. He doesn’t ask us if we feel equipped. He doesn’t ask us if it will be inconvenient.
He tells us.
“Religion that I accept as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their need and to keep yourself from being polluted by the world.”
-God.
That just. doesn’t. sound. like a request.
It sounds like God telling us what matters to Him, and telling us to make Him what matters.
{If you have any questions about fostering, the process, how it works, the kids, how to help outside of actually being a foster parent, or adoption through foster care – please let me know! I’ll help as much as I can or point you in the right direction. You can leave questions in the comments or e-mail me!}
A few months ago I completed a training to be certified as a teacher for licensing classes. (To train people to be foster parents.) During the classes, one of the exercises that we do is an ‘imaginary journey.’ The purpose is to help the potential foster parents to start to understand the emotions that the children coming to their home may be experiencing. I think this is a good exercise for potential foster parents, as well as a good refresher for people currently fostering. I realize this is long. But if you have time, read through it.
Anyway, normally I would tell you to relax and close your eyes as I read this to you, and for you to pay particular attention to the emotions you experience. But since you have to read it – just try to imagine the journey in your mind’s eye.
All of us have a place that we call home. A place that, hopefully, makes us feel secure, is familiar, and even though it isn’t always perfect, it is what we know. Picture the place that you call home. Picture the people that live in your home with you, or spend a lot of time in your home. Maybe your spouse. Maybe your children. Maybe close friends or extended family. Picture any pets that you have. Your dog, your cat, your fish. Perhaps there is a particular place in your home that is especially comfortable or inviting. A place that you can relax, a place you like to snuggle up in, a place that has a lot of sentimental value. Picture that special place. Picture those special possessions that make your home uniquely yours. Smell the aromas of your home – perhaps the lingering smells of your favorite foods, or a loved one’s perfume. Listen to sounds you often hear in your home. The ticking of a clock, the notes of music. The sound of television. The sound of children. Hear the voices of the people in your home.
Now that you have your home and people and things clearly in your mind, I need to tell you who I am and what I do. I am a person with many responsibilities and much authority. My job is to move people. I move people to live in new homes, to live with new people. That is what I will be doing with your right now. I am going to move you to a new home, to a new family. In the new home will be new people who have been waiting for someone like you for a long time. There are children who want to call you mom or dad.
How does this make you feel?
Now, picture me at your front door. Knock. Knock. Knock.
We do not have a lot of time. We do not have a lot of space. So you will need to quickly pack up only a few things that you really need. Only enough to fill a cardboard box, or a small trash bag. Look around your home. What will you pack? You are only allowed to bring things, no people, children, or pets. The new family does not have room for pets.
So what are you packing?
Now we need to leave. Sorry there hasn’t been more notice, but there isn’t time – it’s been decided that you have to leave. We walk out your front door and get into my car. If you want to, you may look back. Picture your house, with the faces of any people who may be there looking out the window to watch you leave. We get into the car and begin to leave, but you’re not sure where we are going. We drive through the area around your home – this all looks familiar to you – but soon we are in a different neighborhood, town, even county, and things are not familiar anymore.
If you look around you will see that this neighborhood is much nicer than yours. The homes are all bigger and much more fashionable, and the cars in the driveways are much nicer than any you’ve ever ridden in. The house where you will live is much nicer than your own. You will have all the things in your new home that you always wanted but could not afford.
Let me tell you about the family with whom you will be living. They are so excited to meet you and that you will be living with them. They have been waiting for a mom or dad to come live with them for so long, and they have lots of plans for what you can do together. I have told them all about you and they have wanted someone like you for a very long time. Just think, there is an adult in this home that wants to call you a husband, wife, or partner. There are children who will call you mom or dad, and they are so excited for you to be a real part of their family.
How are you feeling as we near the house?
Do you have any questions about the family? Any concerns? Any reservations? Yes? Those are all very good questions. Unfortunately, I’m so busy moving people that I don’t quite have the time to find out the answers.
We drive up in front of the house and pull into the driveway. You seem tentative to get out, but it’s getting late, and we need to get inside. We walk up to the front door and knock. The door opens and there is a family, all smiling and very excited to meet you. Just look at all the smiling faces.
How do you feel about the people at the door?
How soon do you want to see the family and friends that you left behind?
How do you think your new family will feel about you wanting to see your old family?
How long will it take for you to feel like you fit in with this new family? Will you ever fit in? Feel the same way as you did with your old family?
Despite the fact that you thought you couldn’t ever fit in, or that it would take a long time, you have done so. The family members have helped you meet your needs and attach to them. Think about your strengths and coping skills, and using these to live successfully with this new family. Remember that this family has helped you attach to them by helping you meet your needs. You have learned to trust them. It has not been easy, and it has taken time. In fact, it has been 12 months.
I know that you wanted to see your old family and friends immediately, but I forgot to mention that the only way that could happen is if I arrange it for you. You cannot have contact other than through me. And I have been too busy to make arrangements. So, you have not had a chance to see your people. In fact, it has been a full 12 months since you came to live with this family and you have not seen your old family.
Despite the fact that you have not seen your old family, you have done a wonderful job fitting in. In fact, you have done such a wonderful job, that I have good news for you. You get to go home. We will not have a lot of time or space, but you may pack anything you want to take back home with you.
How do you feel about this news? Are you ready to go home? Do you want to go home? Do you want the family that you are living with to want you to go home? Do you want the family you are living with to help you to go home? How do you want the new family to feel when you leave?
There have undoubtedly been some changes in the year since you left. What sort of changes do you think have been made? If you have children, how old are they now? If you have a spouse, how has that person managed without you? If you live alone, how are your friends spending their time now? How do your children feel about you now that you are returning home?
Will your relationships be like they were before you left? Will there be problems adjusting back in with your old family? Would you come to me for help with those problems?
In just a few minutes of imagining this journey, how are you feeling emotionally?
This is why we need good foster parents. People who can consider these things. How would the story have been different if you went to a home who was only taking you for the money? A family who did not try to help you fit in? A family who could not help you go back home? It happens. All the time.
I have gotten LOTS of e-mails and questions about the licensing process – more specifically about the interview/homestudy process. Let me begin with:
Take a deep breath. It’s not as scary as you would think. They know that no one is perfect (or normal for that matter) and when they come to your home they are not going to notice your baseboards, the film on the inside of your microwave, the boogers your son wiped under the edge of the table, or even that huge pile of laundry you’re afraid they may drown in.
questions, questions.
When you are filling out your profile, homestudy, whatever-they-call-it-in-your-state thingy – really just be honest. Unless you admit to something that would endanger a child, they’re not going to freak out. They might ask you questions about a few answers that they are not clear on – but when your palms get sweaty, just remind yourself that they are just doing their job. On our profile it asked what each of us does when we get angry. Brian really rarely gets upset. However, he answered that when he does, that he throws things (yeah, how’s that for a pc answer on a fostering profile?). Our worker questioned us on it, and I (while elbowing him for writing that – who writes that????) explained that what he meant was that when he gets mad while he’s watching sports – really the only time he gets mad- he throws his hat on the floor out of frustration.
So even if you write something totally dumb on your profile – it’s probably going to be ok.
holy roller.
I’ve also been asked whether or not to be forthcoming about religious affiliations. Brian and I were honest about our faith, and the role it had in us becoming foster parents. As long as you are willing to be accepting of older children’s decisions on religion (that, or not take children with different beliefs) then it’s generally not an issue. So just be honest.
spring cleaning.
Most of my good friends will tell you that I go on a cleaning rampage when it comes time for us to re-license. But it is definitely because I’m a neat-freak under stress, and definitely not because they expect your house to sparkle. In fact, if you have kids, they might be a little more skeptical if they walk in and your house looks like no one actually lives in it – your house is supposed to be messy when you have kids, and they know that.
red tape.
When it comes to licensing regulations, just make sure you’ve read through them, and that you’ve completed as much as you know to. You can always call your agency to ask questions. The regs are something that they are actually pretty sticky about. We’ve not been through a licensing/relicensing where we weren’t cited for something. But they will tell you what is wrong, and you have time to fix it. For initial licensing, it will speed up the process if you have everything taken care of though.
mental health or past abuse.
I’ve gotten a lot of questions regarding how the agency will react to former mental health diagnoses, or abuse that a potential foster parent was subject to earlier in life. These things do not automatically disqualify you to be a foster parent! It is important to be honest about them, and they will most likely ask you a couple of non-intrusive questions about it. They just want to make sure that these things have been processed and handled in such a way that they will not interfere with your ability to parent the children who come into care.
I know there are other questions people had – but I’m having a hard time remembering them all! If you have questions about the licensing process, just leave it in the comments, or e-mail me and I’ll be happy to help in any way I can!
I’ve gotten a lot of questions from people who are either pursuing adoption through foster care, or are interested in it. I’m not a total wealth of information on this topic – I worked as a caseworker for children in care, not as an adoption worker – but I will answer the questions that I can, with the information I have, and maybe point you in the right direction of who to ask for further explanation.
Because I’ve gotten so many e-mails and questions about this, I’ll likely do a few posts on it over time. I’ll start by letting you know that I’m a huge proponent for adopting through the foster care system…but you probably could have guessed that. Adopting privately is also awesome, and is very needed. Foster kids are just my heart, and given the chance, I’ll advocate for them!
Let’s get to the questions.
Cost.
I’ve gotten several questions about the cost of adoption through foster care. I only have experience in two different states, so you’ll have to check with your own state’s guidelines – but in my experience:
there is no cost.
This surprises a lot of people. Particularly because adoption through agencies or internationally is so darn expensive. However, if you adopt through foster care, the state generally takes care of most everything. If you are licensed through the state, they pay for your home study, your attorney, and your legal fees – and said licensing is free as well. Also, you develop what is called an adoption subsidy to cover some future costs that you may need assistance with. This can include, but is not limited to: daycare, medical insurance/care, any therapy needed, and any residential care needed. Also – you continue to get the monthly subsidy as adoptive parents that you would get as foster parents. (Some states do this in a lump sum.) This is all to help people adopt who may be financially strained. And in the case you’re not, this is a great start to a college fund.
So, there you have it. Adoption through foster care generally costs nothing. So, now click here and go change someone’s life. Check out these beautiful kids. They need you.
(Again, I have experience in two states, but laws and guidelines vary from state to state. If you’re interested, please contact your local state foster care agency to get more specific information. Please feel free to e-mail me or leave a comment with any other questions, I’ll try my best to get you the answer or point you in the right direction!)
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I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails as of late asking me questions about fostering, the process, challenges we face, and about our personal experience. I figure that it would be easier for me to answer some of these questions openly on the blog so that if there are others with the same questions, they can read too! Enter: the weekly Why Foster?. Once a week I’ll either answer a question that I’ve received, talk about reasons that people shy away from fostering, or give you a good reason that you should foster (I’m good at this one!). So….here it goes.
The latest numbers show that at any given time there are approximately 510,000 children in foster care. About 51% of those kids are likely to be in foster care for more than a year. That means that at any given time, there are half of a million children experiencing the worst year of their entire lives. They feel alone, confused, sad, angry. Some of these kids will go to homeless shelters because the foster care agency cannot find an open foster home for them. Homeless shelters. For children. By themselves. Another handful of these kids will go to foster homes that don’t really care. I worked in the system, and I saw these foster home more often than not. Foster homes that are ‘in it for the money’ or have become so jaded that they cannot offer love. Homes that I would not want to live in.
One of my very favorite quotes is from a book called “Turning Stones” by Marc Parent. As a social worker in New York he says:
You hear about children falling through the cracks in the system. Let me tell you something: there is no system, there are only people – children don’t fall through cracks, they fall through fingers. The person who says “fell through the cracks in the system” is really saying that someone blew it and that the blame is going to be spread so broadly that accountability will fall to no one.
In opposition to the foster care system, I often hear people say that the government should not be responsible for foster care or for taking care of these children. And they are right. We should be responsible. You and I. And these kids, they’re falling through our fingers.
I realize this is an intense post. I’m not writing this to make anyone feel guilty. Just to open eyes to the need, and the hurt, and the reality. I also realize that not everyone is called to fostering. But I don’t say that to let you off the hook.
What an awesome opportunity to serve. What a blessing to get to be a part of these children’s lives. Don’t ask yourself if it would be comfortable. Because it won’t be. Don’t ask yourself if it would be convenient. Because it won’t be. Don’t ask yourself if it will be easy. Because it won’t be. DO ask yourself if you want to make change for the good, if you want to help kids who don’t know love, if you want to share the love you have.
Cause there’s no doubt you have love to give.
(Again, I realize that fostering is not for everyone. It is just in my soul to advocate for these kids. If you have questions about fostering, or something you would like me to talk about on the blog, please don’t hesitate to comment or to e-mail me – I’m happy to answer any questions I can! )
