Challenges.

 

We knew that a few would rear their heads sooner or later.  It’s taken from the book, “When You Add a Fourth Child to Your Family Through Foster Care.”

That’s a book.  You haven’t read it?  Arg.  Me either.  You should write it.  It would be helpful.

 

 

 

Tootaw is really doing well transition-wise.  No huge behaviors, no vomit (praise the good Lord.), not really even any hysterics.  This leaves a lot to be thankful for.

The challenges thus far have surfaced in other ways, though. 

I’m getting a hold of our Infant Toddler Services program today to have some assessments done.  There are more than a handful of things that I have noticed since she’s been with us that make me think that we might have some issues to hurdle.

Developmental?  Sensory Processing?  Drug exposure related? 

I’m not sure.  But I sure as heck am not comfortable pretending like it’s nothing.

 

I couldn’t list all the things I’ve noticed.  It would probably look more like a pamphlet than a blog post.  Examples?

 

Tootaw turns three tomorrow.  She doesn’t know her colors, her shapes, ANIMALS, animal noises, how to dress herself, and her speech is almost impossible to decipher most of the time.  This wouldn’t concern me as much if she were moving here straight from home – then I would just chock it up to being behind, lack of exposure – but she’s been in a foster home for over a year and hasn’t caught up.

 

Concerning.

 

Recall seems to be very challenging.  Today we did a big art project centered around the color yellow – yellow paint, yellow puff balls, yellow popsicle sticks, yellow balloons, etc. – everything was yellow.  We talked about different things that are yellow (although she couldn’t come up with any) and, in general, obsessed over the color yellow.

Two minutes later (literally) we were in the living room and I held up a yellow hair bow and said, “Tootaw, what color is this!?!?!” 

Blank stare.  No recollection.  She really. didn’t. know.

 

Concerning.

 

We read through a book of animals approximately 500 times a day (probably not really.) because animals and their noises are what Naomi (at 16 months) is learning right now. 

I can point to a horse and ask Tootaw what it is, and she doesn’t know.  So we talk about it being a horse, how she rode one at Horn Creek, and what sound it makes.

Two pages later, I can turn back in the book and ask her what the horse is or what sound it makes – blank stare.  She doesn’t know. 

 

Concerning.

 

Hard to say what the culprit is.  Drug exposure is a possibility.  She’s also experienced a lot of trauma in the last year and half, which has had unknown effects on her brain.  Also, clearly no one in her last foster home was paying enough attention to notice that she is seriously behind developmentally.  Lots of factors.

 

 

I’m hoping to get some assessments for services started sooner than later.  It will help me know how to help her, and it will help me to have more patience with it all.  Cause you know, life wasn’t already insane.

 

Thoughts from anyone who has experienced this?

The things I choose not to think about.

  Bella’s case seems to be moving forward, which is very exciting.  I italicize ‘seems’ because in foster care you never know what might happen.  I always tell my MAPP students – it’s not over until it’s over.  really over.  completely and totally done.  Like so done that it’s burned on both sides over.

You get the idea.

So we are excited that things are moving, but trying not to get our hopes up.  Someday after we’ve been foster parents for 60 years, I might get better at this.

 

We’re being approached about the possibility of having Bella’s sister move in with us.  This is actually the second time we’ve been asked.  I’m not sure it’s a good idea, as she and Sylvie are only 29 days apart in age.  I’m tired just thinking about it.

Show me a woman who has four children four and under – two of which are two – and I’ll show you a woman who’s done lost. her. mind.

Like I said, we’re considering it.

 

In the convo regarding her moving here, I pointed out that the case is, in fact, moving forward.  Her sister is currently placed in their hometown, and I brought up the fact that their hometown is probably the better place for them as we get closer to overnights, visits in the home, etc.  (I also brought up that if we are semi-close to the end of the case that another transition might not be what either girl needs…..I think that was dismissed quickly.)

 

Just after these words left my mouth, I realized what I was saying.

I was talking about Bella leaving.

As a foster parent, I don’t think much about when the kids leave.  If I did there would be no way for me to properly attach and love them.  So it catches me off guard a little when it comes up.

Bella leaving.  It actually made it a little bit hard for me to breath for a second. 

I get so accustomed to kids being here that when they go I’m left wondering how our family will function without them.  Here we go again.

I can feel the cracks in my heart forming when I think about her leaving.

But the other thing I tell my MAPP students is: 

If you don’t get attached, you’re not doing it right.