Here for…a while.

 

 

Well, there have been some updates to Bella’s case, but I’m glad that I was lazy about posting them because they’ve changed hourly for the last week.  (Maybe an exaggeration.)

 

Week before last, Mom screwed up.

At this point in her recovery, Bella’s illness is not even that difficult to treat/manage.  It doesn’t take the intense amount of time, worry, and attention that it did when she first came to us.  None the less, it was either just too much effort for her Mom, or just wasn’t on her radar.  A pretty big deal.  And one of the initial concerns in the case.

As far as I can tell, Dad is doing everything he can, but he is working his butt off all day every day to pay the bills – so she is the primary caregiver during visits. 

 

At the same time that this crap hit the fan, the worker also uncovered some things about visits (through conversation with Bella) that were less than impressive.  Nothing that is a huge deal, but things that shouldn’t be an issue.

 

 

So,

They’ve cut her visits back to two days per week, and now she is only there Wednesdays through Friday.  They scheduled it for during the week so that the caseworker can pop in if need be. 

Also, the planned reunification date of May 2 is indefinitely postponed until more progress is made.

 

They also led us to believe that they were going to be moving Bella to the foster home that her sister is in.  There are several good reasons to do this, living with her sister being at the top of that list, as well as the fact that her sister’s foster home is in their home town (an hour and a half from here.).

But,  I got an e-mail today saying that the hospital social worker, her nurse, and her doctor, have all requested that she remain at our house.  So, as of right now, that’s the plan.  Overall, I have to say that I’m happy with this decision.

 

 

Part of me is so angry that Mom messed this up for Bella again.  Bella wants to go home so badly – and the things they are asking of them are not difficult.  I just want to shake her (mom) and say, “Do you not realize that there are a lot of kids in foster care that never go home???  This is not a game!  This is not just something that you have to ride out until they send her home!!”

 

On the other hand, I see them, and their lives are so much different than ours in so many ways that we take completely for granted.  Everything in their lives is stressful – paying the bills, keeping their car running, the health of their daughter, their marriage.  And it’s probably been this way for generations.

I’m not sure I can imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes, so I most definitely cannot say that I’d be any better off.

 

Anyway, we are hoping for a quick turnaround for mom and dad.  Prayers for Bella are greatly appreciated.  I anticipate a few really hard weeks as we transition to much shorter visits. 

Deep breath, neigh, neigh, neigh.

  Bella left for her visit yesterday……again.

I haven’t gotten to post, but she was supposed to go home (like, HOME.  permanently.) on March 1 – obviously that didn’t happen.

We had heard rumors that they were thinking about pushing the date back a little, but no one had talked to us about it.  No big deal.  She only lives with us.  Why would we want to know when she’s moving anyway?

As I’m constantly reminded  -  We are just the foster parents.

So, a week before she was supposed to go home Brian called the caseworker to get an idea of what was going on.  “Oh, I thought we had this conversation.”  was how it started.

 

They’ve pushed the move back to the beginning of May-ish.

This is frustrating to me for a couple reasons.

1. She’s been having visits at home Wednesday through Sunday for three months now.  THREE MONTHS.  She comes back to our house on Sunday evening, and leaves Wednesday afternoon.  Talk about jerking her around.  I’m just confused, if she can be at home for 4 1/2 days a week for three months, why is she not home?
2. I’m sure there are things they aren’t telling me.  After all, we’re just the foster parents.  But nothing that I’ve heard sounds like a safety issue to me.  Of course, there are risk factors.  There always are.  It just doesn’t sound, to me, like there is anything worth dragging her around for.

 

I appreciate that they’re being careful.  Goodness knows we’ve seen the repercussions of sending kids home too early.  But this seems extreme.  When Bella goes home it will be on a thirty-day trial home placement, and after that they will have in home services for three months.  That’s four months of making sure things are going well, which makes me feel like another two months of back and forth is a little much.

I guess mostly I just see how much this is all effecting her.  When all is said and done (assuming they don’t extend it again.) she will have had SIX months of visits Wednesday through Sunday.  I want it to be over for her.  Of the last six days she’s been with us, she’s thrown up four of them over anxiety and stress.  This is not healthy for her.

The good news though, is that Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, Bella didn’t throw up!  I’ve tried different relaxation techniques to help her overcome the anxiety and keep her lunch.  This week we did deep breathing, in through our noses, and then when we let it out we made animal noises.  I know it sounds silly, but she thinks it’s hilarious and it distracts her from her anxiety.  Although it probably raises the anxiety level of people who are driving next to me and see the crazy lady in the next car taking deep breaths and neighing.  Whatevs.

 

In through your nose, now neigh, neigh, neigh.