March 1, 2010

Heart. Of. Stone.

I have a heart of stone. I don't get attached. What? I don't shed tears over children leaving our home. Coming, going, what's the difference? Right? I was actually born without a limbic cortex.

That's not true. I do have a limbic cortex.

I am partially convinced that most of the people we talk to about foster care think I must be wired backwards or something. We get a lot of
"I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to let them go."'s, "I would get attached."'s, and "I just think it would be too hard for me to say goodbye."'s
(If you have left any of these in comments - I'm not offended, or even upset! I'm just sayin' I've got no super powers.)

I think that people, without even realizing it, make an assumption that we must have some superhuman capability to deal with the pain that is left behind when one of our kids moves. It's not true though. It hurts. We cry. We have to heal.
Any one of the people who have said these things, I'm sure would make wonderful foster parents. Wonderful foster parents, who were sometimes broken by the experiences. Wonderful foster parents who would, despite the hurt, take a second placement for the same reason that they took the first.

Brian and I started fostering because God asked us to. He asked us to both biblically and by prodding our hearts. Sometimes (actually often) if we are listening, God asks us to do things that are hard. He asks us to do things that hurt. He asks us to take risks for His kingdom. He asks us to be used in ways that don't make sense to the world, so that the only explanation is Him - and in that he is glorified! What an opportunity!

It was very, very painful when X-man left, and when our sweet girls left, and when we've had to say goodbye to emergency placements trusting they would be safe. But we aren't any stronger (or hard hearted, ha!) than the next. It is God's strength, and His love he has put into our hearts for these kids, that keeps us refreshed.

So no excuses! You all need to call your local foster agency! (Just kidding....but not really.)


  1. love this post, because every word of it is so true. Foster families don't have any extra amount of strength, we just hold on tighter to God's grace as we trek through this rocky journey. Today makes 6 months since my sweet little foster sisters left (we had had them for 11 months). I still cry for them, it is still hard. But God's grace is present.
    Thanks for being such a strong advocate for these needy children. Love your blog!

  2. My hubby and I are in the process of becoming foster parents and I am not worried about this issue because I feel like God will give us the strength (not that it won't hurt) I pray for the foster parents I know every time they have a transition because I know that has to hurt your heart. God bless you for being willing to go through the pain for the better good!

  3. We heard it too. ALL the time. And it annoyed did. Because I felt the same as you "are you saying we can let these kids go with no affect on us at all?"

    Now when someone meets me or comes back from the past I hear "we have always wanted to adopt. We will contact you when the time comes." as they hold their biological baby on their hip and pull the other one by the hand. Come on. I wish I could say "If I had a dollar..." What I want to say is "then DO it."

  4. Great post. It's so encouraging to hear that because the thought of having to say goodbye sound scary. Especially to a person who loves much and doesn't like goodbyes. It's so important to keep an eternal perspective and know that strength comes from God. Thanks for your words!

  5. Very well said! It's started for us...the "I don't know how you could do it...I would get too attached"! I have to bite my lip and pray for myself and for them at that moment. :)

    FYI...We had our home visit today and it went great...we are looking forward to this journey that God has us on.

  6. Maggie you are seriously one of the most tender hearted people I have ever known! Knowing you and reading this post caused me to laugh out loud at the first part. Love that you are sharing these things with others. You are a good writer. Loved the last post about mess as well it was a good messy day for me to hear that. :-)

  7. GREAT post. And that is why you were meant for the job!

  8. Oh and YES - please feel free to use my post - or link to it!

  9. This is a good post. I think what you do is wonderful.

  10. My motto for the year is just because it's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. Thanks for sharing your heart!

  11. I LOVE your attitude about doing things even when they're hard (because foster parenting IS hard!) and I admire your trust in the Lord.

  12. We feel that same calling on our hearts right now. We plan to foster to adopt but are waiting for the right time and we are also going to be moving this summer so we have to wait for that. We have already gotten these statements from a few.
    I'm praying that God will protect our hearts and enable us to love over and over again until the child that is meant to stay with us comes home. I'm praying for our families even more.


Thanks for commenting!!


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